Air Ball

XXIX: Lost Stars

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"Sometimes in the middle of our ordinary lives, life decides to give us a fairy tale. It gave us ours worth writing about. We've had meaningful chapters filled with love, pain, and everything in between. It was great while it lasted. Unfortunately, no matter how great it had been, it has to end. We reached ours."

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JERIC

It's ironic that after more than a year of separation, thirty-eight days is all it took to sum up and talk about the feelings of the past, the present, and the future.

That certain afternoon when Nikko and I joined my mother for lunch in behalf of my father, was the beginning of something I prepared for. Never mind that it was a different scenario. What mattered was for Jill to meet Nikko, for her to meet another very important person in my life. Call it wishful thinking but maybe someday he'll be as important to Jill as well.

The moment my eyes landed on her at that French restaurant, I felt my whole world stop. She was the person I least expected to have lunch with my mother. Not that anything's wrong with it.

I looked at her intently as she kept her gaze on Nikko. It was the first time she saw him in person, and it was every bit of awkward for me. I am acknowledging the fact that he is the living proof of my infidelity. Nevertheless, I love him unconditionally despite the circumstances.

Jill's face broke out into a smile when Nikko giggled at the sight of my mother. Only then did I realize I was holding my breath. I know she has forgiven me but I didn't know the depth of it. There was warmth in her eyes, the usual ones before she says "awww".

She isn't perfect. I know that for a fact because I've seen and experienced her imperfections but it still amazes me how wide her perspective is, how deep her understanding is of the situation.

"Introduce mo naman ako kay Nikko." She said with a smile. When you've been with someone for years, you can look past the smile and the words. I can see and hear that she's trying, even though there was still a part of her that is hurting. Right then and there I would have wanted to wrap my arms around her, to ask again for forgiveness because at that moment, I believed she needed to hear it again.

Introducing her as "Tita Jill" could easily top the list of the most awkward moments we had after we broke up. How can you be comfortable saying it when everyone else knows you want her to be more than that.

All throughout lunch I was feeling uncomfortable until Nikko leaned in to Jill's side and curiously reached out for her food. Surprise registered in her face for a split second but it immediately turned into a soft expression.

While she was feeding Nikko, my mother gave me a knowing smile and I smiled back, understanding what she meant. For a moment, I felt like everything was as it should be, that this was how everything was supposed to turn out.

If some random stranger were to come up and ask me if I was still in love with Jill, I'd always answer with a resounding yes. After what I put her through, she deserves to know that she is always worth to be loved and that not even me can tell otherwise.

The trip to South Korea proved to be the test of it all. When I was on the court, I directed all my energy and focus to the game. My goal was to help the team in any way I can to bring pride to the country. Forty-eight minutes of intense battle. Forty-eight moments in a world where the most important thing was to give it our all. Outside, however, was a different story. Every place was a reminder of our happiest, and the memories felt like knives slashing through.

There was only one place I wanted go to. I just wanted to see the proof that we really came here, and that we were as happy and as in love as anyone could ever be. I needed to validate that the moment existed, that there was that point in our life where the universe decided to make everything perfect for us, in the most perfect definition of perfect.