𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐈𝐂 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒 // 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘪 𝘥𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯

~ thirty six ~

Darkness.

That is what surrounded me...what surrounded my heart. I felt like I had been dragged into a black pit...where there's no escape...only to be succumbed by darkness. I was overwhelmed with misery and heartbreak to the extent that no wound could ever inflict the pain I felt while I stared at their pale figures. The only things that could've possibly settled my anguish was how peaceful they looked.

The company made their rounds. Slowly shuffling their feet around the beds of stone that held Thorin, Fili and Kili. Their eyes slowly shifting from the ground to the faces of the Sons of Durin. Everyone's eyes were dull and their movements were heavy, as if they were weighted to the ground.

I sat away from the rest of the company, isolating myself from the grieving. I hadn't yet gathered myself to even gaze down on them. I was in complete denial. No part of me wanted to believe the horrific nightmare to be true. My head rested on my knuckles, my jaw clenched tightly. I rubbed my face and ran my hands through my hair. I took a deep breath while my leg, which had been anxiously bouncing up and down, slowed to a stop.

Finally, I stood to my feet, feeling like I could buckle any minute. I approached the first stone alter...the one Fili rested upon. I took in a shaky breath.

"Never in my life have I met someone with a heart as brave as yours," I whispered to him as if he could hear me. "You never fled from a fight, always ready to stand for your people and your family. Your mind never strayed away from doing the right thing...and you were always ready to defend whatever that right thing may be. No one could've ever asked for a more worthy heir to the throne."

I could already feel my eyes burn. I gritted my teeth, trying to keep the tears away. I gradually backed away from Fili and turned to face the next alter...Thorin's. The Arkenstone glowed in the clutches of his cold hands. I moved past Balin, who was mourning his king deeply. He stifled for breaths as he quietly sobbed. The sight of Balin made me like I had taken a million daggers to the heart. The poor dwarf had lost one of his closest friends, if anything, Thorin was more like family to him. I took Balin's place by Thorin as he trudged away.

"I-I'm s-so sorry," I stuttered. "I have failed you, Master Dwarf. I couldn't save your nephew, nor could I be there to defend you. You deserved the rightful life of a king, but I must say, you were admired greatly by the people that followed you here. Hopefully that has brought you peace." I took a deep breath. My eyes started to water. "You may have been lost," I shook my head, still catching myself in shock. "But a true king arises when his people needs him most. You, Thorin Oakenshield, are a true king."

I picked up my head, peering over Thorin to the final alter. My hands started to tremble. I couldn't hold back tears any longer and when I stopped fighting them, they poured down my cheek like a pair of rivers. I couldn't move. I stood there for several moments, staring at the dwarf who will forever be apart of me.

I felt a hand gently rest on my right shoulder. I jumped and turned to see who it was. It was Bofur. His eyes had now turned a light shade of grey, rather than their gentle, brown hue. I tried to give him a smile, but my body refused. He slowly raised his hand from his side. I quickly recognized the dark wood with the contrasted gold grasp...it was Kili's bow.

I let out a small gasp and carefully wrapped my fingers around the limbs of the bow. "Thank you," I exhaled looking back up to Bofur. He didn't respond, only nodded and gave me a forced smile, making his braided mustache curl slightly upward. He took a step closer to me and wrapped his arms around me. I returned the embrace. After a moment or so he pulled away, resting both hands on my shoulders. He squeezed my shoulders as a tear slowly fell down his cheek. He let down his arms and walked away, joining his brothers.

I let my eyes return to Kili. My feet slowly carried me closer and closer to him. It was so quiet that I could hear my heart pounding against my chest. Before I knew it, I was standing next to his lifeless figure. I stepped up onto a ledge at the base of the alter so that I was able to tower over him slightly. His dark hair trickled over the cold, stone ledge, framing his young and innocent face. All the color had drained from his skin. Every part of me wanted his eyes you fluttered open...the same eyes that would burn through my soul and make my heart melt.

I didn't even notice that tears were still streaming down my face. I wiped them away, then brought my hand down to cup the side of his face. His skin was ice. My thumb brushed back and forth over his cheek while my mind searched for words. I took in another shaky breath.

"Not once did I think I would have to prepare words of goodbye. I'm not even sure what to say..." I bit my lip, trying to contain my emotions long enough to speak. "You were my next adventure. I was so ready to start a new, exciting life with you. How could I ever go on now? How can I possibly try to forget the greatest thing that had ever happened to me." I slid my hand under his hand, intertwining our fingers together. "I will never forget the kindest, bravest, most selfless man I have ever met." I gently removed my hand from his grasp and reached into my pocket. I pulled out the bead he gave me to signify our courtship. My fingers traced the delicate engravings. "My heart will forever belong to you, Kili Durin." I stood tall on my toes and pressed a small kiss on his forehead. "I promise."

With those final words, I finally collapsed. My knees sunk to the ground, the bead still cradled in my hands. Sobs poured from my lips. I physically couldn't hold them back anymore. I hunched over, my head almost touching the floor. I closed my hand over the bead and hugged my arms around me, restraining my sobs to make them as quiet as possible.

I heard quiet, shuffled footsteps ahead. Soon after, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my shoulders. I recognized the smell of spices and smoke, the scent that belonged to Bilbo. Soon enough, I felt a second pair of arms from my left, a third to my right, and then behind me. My brows knitted together as I raised my head. The sight that was bestowed before me caused a faint smile to curl over my face. Dwalin was to my left, Balin my right and Bofur behind me. Eventually, the rest of the company knelt with their brothers, secured by the touch of one another. Our faces remained long and our heads still hung, but our spirits had been lifted.

___________

After several minutes, the dwarves slowly rose to their feet. When they stood, they acknowledged each other with a pat on the back and a smile or an occasional hug. When the arms that were once around me released, I stood to my feet and helped Bilbo stand. I immediately brought him close into a tight embrace.

"Thank you, Bilbo Baggins," I sighed. "Thank you for being my friend...my family."

"Thank you for protecting me at all costs, Adina Fallonhide."

I squeezed him one last time before letting go. I pulled away and smiled at him.

I noticed that the company was starting to make their way to the dining hall. Just before Balin could turn the corner, I shouted, "Balin!"

He stopped in his tracks. "Yes, lass?"

I swiftly made my way over to him. "May I ask a favor of you?"

"Go on."

I opened the palm of my hand, revealing the bead Kili had given me. He raised his eyebrows and chuckled slightly. He nodded his head and locked his exhausted eyes with mine. "Of course, lass." A tear rolled down his face. "It would be my pleasure."