The List

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"Is it just me or are suicide rates up?" I mumbled as I flipped through the latest back of sinners to arrive in Hell. Across from me, Jordan stretched his long lanky limbs and mumbled something about a new plague on Earth. I shrugged, continuing to skim through the unusually long list.

"Coffee?" A tired-looking waitress with purple hair asked. She looked between us knowing the routine. Jordan would bring me a new list every week of the newest sinner to enter hell and we drank coffee in the back booth of a hole in the wall restaurant. 

I nodded, prodding my cup forward with a finger while continuing to read off names. I had been doing this for so long, I had no idea what I would finally do when I found his name on the list. 

"Death by llama?" I read the cause of death next to some poor assholes name. Jordan gave me an odd look as if to ask how the hell that happened. I couldn't help but think of the llamas with hats videos and snickered. 

I kept scrolling until there it was. Third name from the end. Fred Umber. Apparently it was a bad batch of laced pot that finally took him down. Pity, I would have much rathered it be some sort of affair gone bad. 

"He's here," I said, showing Jordan the name on the list. 

"So what's next?" Jordan grinned, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Ol' Fred's extermination is going to come a bit early," I replied wryly, feeling more alive than I had in months. 

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