Orb of Obscurity

26- Atelophobia

*fear of being imperfect*

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I sat on the couch curled up, my head resting on my knees. I sat there for a while feeling sorry for Jimin. Why was I like that? I had never been with a guy until then. I had guy friends around me but, I thought I was almost an asexual person. I rarely had crushes and found relationships to be a bother. Relationships were a bother. There's no denying it. It requires the people in it to spend their energy emotionally and physically. But that was secondary to me.

The first reason would probably be my parents forbidding me from dating even when I was in college. Why? Asian parents. They took pride in getting their kids married to the person they picked. Two people falling in love and seeking permission from their parents to get married was considered a sin. I'm not kidding.

Whenever the topic of marriage came up at home, my parents made sure to shut me off with one sentence, "We have brought you up well. You know that you are a good kid and so does this society. If we knew to make the right choices for you all these years, then why do you think we won't be able to make a good choice in choosing your husband?"

The logic was right, but it just felt wrong. How could you spend your life with a stranger? And that gave me another reason to move to Korea, out of their clutches. Whether I got married or not, I didn't want to get emotionally traumatized everyday, being forced to get married. After moving to Korea, I lived free. Free from the society who judged me based on groundless rumors. But I forgot that, I did step into another society. One where I was a foreigner and they judged me with keener eyes. But at least I didn't know them. So it didn't matter.

Being this insecure, dating was not the first topic that came into my mind. I just wanted to be free. Live life for myself, not just to uphold the honor of my parents or family. I was truly happy for the past two years here.

And then I met Jimin. It sounds like the beginning of every typical romance story. I thought that the movies and books lied. But joke's on me. Life was indeed like that. Misery or happiness, whatever it was, things shown in movies happened very much in real life too, with better precision too. Something I had forgotten, was that movie plots were someone's life stories too .

Reality was much more unbelievable than fiction.

The ultimate truth.

Jimin had shaken me up. Though he was a stranger, he made me feel loved, something that had never happened in my 25 years of life. It had been a dream of mine to be loved by a guy, for who I was. Me with all my faults. And that's exactly he did, shower me with love. That one thing was enough for me to give myself to him on a platter. I would stay by his side even if the whole world turned against him.

He was enough for me. But I wasn't. He had been the one adjusting for me since the beginning of this relationship. And all I had done was sit and enjoy, appreciating his attention and care for me. I had given nothing to him. All he had asked for is me. But that wasn't easy. I had to make myself ready. Mentally. Ready to let him into my life, my mind.

"Saura?" A voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

I turned around to see Taehyung standing next to me. I smiled at him.

"Mind if I sit here?" He asked me.

"Not at all. It's your dorm Tae." I gave a small laugh.