Orb of Obscurity

51-Sonder

*the feeling that the passerby has a life as vivid and interesting as yours*
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Jimin's POV:

Broken.

That was what I was, to say the least. Days and weeks passed, with me missing her presence by my side. Every action of mine reminded me of her, my bedsheets and room still filled with her scent. I slept holding her t-shirt by my side each night. I couldn't even drown myself in alcohol, considering the situation I was in.

An orb of obscurity had hidden me from all good things in life.

Each day went by with us, or rather, them, the boys and my parents trying to get me a donor for my eye surgery. While I laid in bed, craving for the feel of her fingertips on my face, tears flowed my eyes as I saw the people walking by the river from my window.

I regretted every couple in love that walked by and related to every heartbroken guy. Though, I was the person who forced her to leave, I couldn't bring myself to terms with the fact that she needed to go.

She did leave though.

She left me after I shamelessly uttered words to her that never in a million years, I thought I would say to her. I told her things that she never was and would be. I didn't want her to have to put up with me, with useless me. That was what I was then. Useless. I didn't want to hold her back.

I had managed to give her wings to fly, and I didn't want to be the harness that held her back.

She had finished her study completely and we would have lived better if I had been alright. For my part, I preferred my heart to be broken. It was so lovely, dawn- kaleidoscopic within the crack.

Maybe I would get back to her one day. Just to apologize for my sh*tty behavior but I didn't want her to forgive me. I didn't deserve it after scarring the beautiful angel that she was. I felt torn between wanting to keep her with me and wanting to send her away, the day I knew about the issue in my eyes.

She was an angel. I could talk to a hundred people in a day, but none of them compared to the smile that she gave me in a minute. The way she shut her eyes and threw her head back while laughing, every memory etched with fire in my mind. I spent every second thinking about what she might be doing then.

Each of the boys visited me giving me an earful for letting her go. I knew her worth, they knew it too. It made them force me to get her back, but I didn't. I wouldn't force her to share my miserable life.

I remember the day, everyone came to know of it and all six of them sat me down to get me to change my mind.

"You made a terrible mistake." Namjoon sighed. "She was a great kid. Really one of a kind. The right one for you, if truth be said."

I smiled wistfully.