Fallen

Chapter Forty Four

The streets flew past us as we got as far away from Jackson as possible. My heart was still beating so hard that it felt like it was slamming against my ribs. I stared down at my grazed knees, but felt nothing. The striking panic mixed with the cold air of the night had numbed me. Nothing felt real in the car, not the leather seat underneath me or the warm air blowing into my face. Not even Blaine's hand in mine.

"Hey," he said. I glanced at him. "You're free."

His words gave me a level of comfort I'd not felt in so long. My smile in return was small, but genuine. I held onto this moment, those words and told myself that it was over. I could start my life up again, one day at a time.

"We're almost there," he said.

"Where are we going?"

He turned to me and smiled. "Home."

*****

It wasn't long until we were parked on the road adjacent to Blaine's. Jackson knew what Blaine's car looked like now so we had to be somewhat inconspicuous. As soon as the engine was turned off, Blaine unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to me.

"It's a stupid question, but how are you feeling?"

"I'm not sure. I should be relieved, but I'm just tired and a bit cold."

"Well let's get you inside and warm you up."

I agreed and together we headed down the street towards Blaine's house. His hand was tight in mine and he gave me a few glances to make sure I was okay. As soon as I followed him through the front door, he made sure to lock us in. The house was quiet and peaceful as it always had been. We headed into the living room, but I stopped a few steps in.

"It's all changed in here," I said, noticing the new colour of the walls and how practically all the furniture had been moved about or replaced, or both.

"Yeah. Carter redecorated after what happened with Maria, to make the place seem new."

"Oh," I said, stepping further in. Everything from the lamp shade above our heads had changed and the walls had gone from a beige to a chocolate brown.

"Come sit down. I'll make you a drink and take a look at your knees."

Blaine disappeared into the kitchen, leaving me alone in the unfamiliar room. I just hoped that the redecorating gave Carter even a little bit of comfort, but we all knew nothing in the world could ease the grief in his heart.

I perched on the edge of the new sofa and gazed at the many framed pictures and canvases of Maria decorating the walls. In every photo, she was either smiling or laughing. Her beautiful face was lit up wherever I looked and it made the whole room so much brighter. She had the same ability when she was here and it was soothing knowing she could still do that now.

"We miss her," Blaine said as if reading my thoughts when he came back in. I was given a hot mug of tea that warmed up my hands well.

"Of course. How are you all taking each day?"

"Slow," he replied. "Carter's looking a bit better as time goes on, but we don't see him a lot. It's complicated though. Losing Maria broke us all. She was family to us."

"Jesus, I'm so sorry."

He nodded. "Maybe time will heal us all."

"I hope so."

"Me too. Let me take a look at your legs."

He had wipes and bandages in his hand. I watched silently as he softly cleaned away the blood, but all I could think about was the way Jackson did the same thing on my arm after forcing the tattoo onto me. I was triggered, jerking both of my knees away from Blaine and setting my drink down on the table.

"I'll do it."

Without a second thought, I took the wipes from him and finished cleaning myself off.

"Are you alright?"

It seemed like a simple question, but the answer was so complicated that I didn't think there were enough words in the world to use.

"No."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

My head shook. "I don't think so." I wiped at my poor knees. "You should know I'm not the same person you met in the café anymore. I'm fucked up."

Blaine sat quietly for a moment, then he took my hand. "Who you really are can never be taken away from you. You've just had to hide her to protect yourself, but when she feels safe and ready to come back out I'll be here patiently waiting."

There was nothing I could say to encapsulate the gratitude I felt for having Blaine back in my life. For the first time in months, I was under a safe roof. The fear I felt living with Jackson almost felt normal now so I knew being here would take some getting used to again. The road to recovery was long and only I could make that journey, but I didn't mind that knowing Blaine was there to catch me if I fell.

That night, I slept beside Blaine, feeling his chest rise and fall peacefully under my head, knowing the nightmares were just in my head now. As soon as I opened my eyes again, I could escape them and start my new life here, safely.