Long Way Home

twelve

[ please read- there is some mention of death in this chapter, please don't be offended by it, i truly don't mean to offend or hurt anyones feelings, as the author of this book- a-lot of whats written has a-lot to do with my life and this is how i wanted to express it, this is a sorry in advance, i hope you enjoy]

After Calum left i told myself not to cry over it, I had messaged the boys individually to see if they knew of cals whereabouts but no one did, i didn't understand why we were fighting so much, I didn't fly all this way for us to fight. 

I sat with duke for a few hours, it was just past midnight when he stumbled inside, i didn't know if he was drunk, or high but i think he was both. "Cal" I muttered and wrapped his arm around me as he leaned into me, the stench of rum on his breath. "C'mon, lets get you to bed" I whispered, setting him on the bed i helped him take his shoes off, sending a quick message to the guys i let them know he was home.

"Im gonna vomit" he looked at me and i nodded, helping him to the bathroom i sat on the floor with him, gently rubbing his back as he emptied his stomach. "I love you, Carter" he slurred, unaware of the state of mind he was in. I froze, i knew he was drunk but as everyone said 'drunk words are sober thoughts.' But i had no clue how to reply, i mean i had no clue what love felt like. 

After telling me he was done i nodded, grabbing a facecloth i wiped his mouth. "Do you need me to brush your teeth too?" I whispered looking at him before gently running my fingers through his hair. He shook his head, i handed him his toothbrush waiting for him to finish. "why'd you do this to yourself, cal?" i questioned, helping him into bed.

"Carter?" he groaned, looking at me as i sat on the end of the bed, i hummed and looked to him. "Whats up, cal?" he held his arms out for me, i smiled before crawling in beside him. "I miss you" he whispered looking at me, i gave him a small smile. "I miss you" He smiled at my words before nuzzling his face into my neck. "you smell like me" I laughed and raised my eyebrow "how high are you?" i gentle ran my fingers through his hair. "Very" He confirmed, pressing a gently kiss to me collarbone. 

We stayed like that for a while, him murmuring words to me which i didn't understand what so ever but i agreed with whatever he said. Hearing soft snores come from him i removed my fingers from his hair, letting him sleep in peace, rolling over to my side of the bed I curled into the blanket for warmth. 

--

I had woken up early, i looked beside me to see cal still sleeping which i was thankful for. Carefully getting up i looked at the time, frowning as it was only eight am, jumping into the shower i let myself think, i didn't agree with Calums actions but i wasn't one to judge, he's old enough to make his own decisions. Around ten i was watching the vampire diaries when cal came down, rubbing his eyes he gave me a small smile "Good morning" he kissed my head as he walked to the kitchen.

I gave calum some of my blanket as he sat down beside me, i wanted so badly to talk about what happened yesterday but he had just woken up, but to my surprise he was the one to bring it up. "Im sorry for telling you to get out yesterday, i'm sorry i went off at you, i respect your decision and i wasn't seeing this from your perspective, i just don't want you to leave, it gets so lonely." he took a sip from his coffee, setting the mug down on the coffee table.

"Are you okay? like im generally asking if you are because i'm concerned about you cal, one minute were fine and the next were fighting like teenagers, i miss how we used to be before you left, everything was okay and i didn't have to think twice about my choice of words, but i do forgive you, trust me i do. I know you want me here with you, i understand that cal but please let me try and find myself" I looked at him, like my words had an major effect on him.

"I- i think i'm okay, i think i am but at the same time i don't know. With you, you made it all go away, you made me better, and i know we fight and have our disagreements but you've made me the happiest man these past few months, the happiest i've been in years and every time i get you, it feels like you leave straight away and i think thats why i get so snappy, i distance myself from you so i don't have to deal with the pain of you leaving" Calum grabbed my hand, lacing his fingers with mine as he kissed the back of my hand. 

"I hate being away from you too, Cal" I sighed and leaned my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes for a brief moment. "We'll work on it, we'll find a time everyday that suits us to facetime, we can make this world, babe" I whispered, "Don't distance yourself from me, lets try and enjoy the time we have together rather then fighting and spending it apart" looking at him with a soft smile he nodded, kissing my cheek. "You have a point" He laughed. 

Cal and I cuddled on his couch till the gang rocked up, everyone sat in their own spots around the couch, i smiled as i was in a deep conversation with Luke about some conspiracy theory, no one else agreed with us but it was my favourite topic, as a normal thing, mikey had ordered pizza- so unhealthy but you could never go wrong with pizza. 

"So Calum, when are you gonna ask Carter to be your girlfriend?" Wren asked, sitting beside me i hit her arm and gave her an 'are you stupid' look. He coughed on his spit and shrugged. "No, Cal don't answer it, Wren is being nosy" I poked my tongue out at her as she hit my arm. 

"man, i cant wait to go back to sydney and see my family" Ash changed the subject, i thanked him in my head as  Wren and I looked at each other, giggling softly at our thoughts, all three guys agreed. 

"I miss my mum" Luke sighed.

"Yeah me too, i miss her cooking, mama liz cooked up a good feed" Cal laughed.

"Calum! Joy cooks good food too you weirdo!" Mikey laughed and shook his head.

"Wait, wait, hold up- I know both of you guys have spoken about your family a little but you both have never mentioned your mums" Sierra stated, looking at us before everyone nodded.

"Soooo, funny story actually.." I bit my lip and held in a giggle, "i don't have one" wren held up her hand and hi-fived me. "Yeah me neither, she f**kin dead." I laughed and looked at everyones facial expressions, like they were waiting for the joke to be over. 

"Okay, on a serious note- our mums died five days apart from each other, we joke about it because its how we deal with it- don't ask, yes its sad but its what we do." I agreed with Wrens words as calum gave my hand a comforting squeeze. 

"Pizza's here!" Crystal yelled, breaking the awkward silence, and thats how we spent the day, sharing stories from our childhoods, laughing about some dumb joke ash and mikey had come up with, the guys laughing over the fact i couldn't play a video game to save my life, this is what i missed, no arguments, no awkwardness, just me and my best friends, the people who didn't judge me for being who I was, and then it finally hit me. 

This is where I belonged. 

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messy chapter but three chapters in three days, im on a roll.