Stop Crying Your Heart Out - McLennon AU

2.

12th April, 1963

John was lay on the sofa, Julian on his chest, just staring at the ceiling. He was deep in thought, but couldn't make sense of what.

The man didn't know what he felt anymore...

Upset that he'd just lost his wife, who he loved dearly and treasured? Disappointment that the world was so cruel to him? Stress from having hardly slept the last 4 days?

He just couldn't make sense of it.

The only thing that snapped him out of his own thoughts were the light snores that came from the baby lay on his chest.

"Finally..." John whispered to himself, slowly sitting up, getting ready to stand.

Once he lay the baby in the Moses basket next to the table, he ran a hand through his head, staring at the baby. He was tiny...

John was terrified of hurting him in anyway, always careful when lifting him or holding him. He never thought he'd have to do this on his own, and he still couldn't believe it.

Everything happened so fast.

The telephone began to ring, adrenaline rushing through John causing him to rush to it as soon as possible. He didn't want the noise waking up Julian.

"Fuck." He muttered to himself, tripping on his own feet as he reached for the phone. "Who is it?" He whispered, looking back at the baby to check he was still sleeping.

A sigh of relief rushed through him when the baby remained asleep.

"John?" The man's eyes widened at the voice.

"Paul?"

"Yeah, it's me..." He could almost hear the other's smile, causing a small one to break out on his own face. "How are you doing?"

"Oh... I just put J-Jul..." A yawn feel from his mouth, causing him to pause what he was saying. "Er... Julian down."

"John, be honest with me..." Paul sighed.

"Hm?"

"How much sleep have you had in the last four days."

"A... Uh... I'm not sure."

"John, please don't lie to me."

"I'm not lyin'! I honestly... I don't know, Paulie."

"That's it." Shuffling around was heard from Paul's side of the telephone. "'M coming round now, me and you... we're going to talk, and then you're going to sleep."

"Paul-"

"No, John... Please just this once, don't be a stubborn arse and just say yes. Don't deny me again..."

John felt guilt seep through himself. Paul was right, he needed to stop being so stubborn. This would be the 3rd time Paul had asked to come round and had been denied.

First the day John arrived home from hospital with Julian, then after the funeral. He couldn't deny him a third time, he didn't have it in him.

"Okay... But just walk in when you get here. And quietly, Julian's just gone down."

"Of course."

John hung up, but didn't move away from the black telephone infront of him. He just stared at it.

It felt like someone was playing tricks on him. Like this was some sort of sick joke, or a dream he was going to wake up from soon. The whole thing was just fucking unreal.

The man still felt more confusion than anything.