Stop Crying Your Heart Out - McLennon AU

28.

27th April, 1963

For John, it felt like ages until Friday eventually came. All Wednesday and Thursday, he was in a very, very happy mood and could not wait for the day to come.

Friday really was the best day of the week.

It was 4pm, and John sat on his sofa, playing with Julian on his lap. He was waiting for the door to open, very excitedly.

He ran his fingers lightly over Julian's cheeks and down to his neck, until he smiled. The baby was smiling a lot more now, and John knew it wouldn't be long until he was laughing, which he couldn't wait for.

A part of him still sort of felt guilty regarding Cynthia. Because now he was beginning to understand that the love he felt for Cynthia was not the love that she felt for him. He'd only ever felt that love for Paul, and now she wasn't even here for him to apologise to.

So he just had to repress the guilt and try to move on.

But he would not stop caring for her, definitely not. She was an amazing woman, so outgoing and strong. And he would continue to take Julian to the cemetery, and when he was older he would make sure the boy knew who his mother was, and how much she loves him, even still.

The baby smiled again, causing John to smile back down at him.

A few seconds later John heard the front door open, a cheery voice calling to him from the hallway.

"Hello?" Paul called, closing the door behind.

"In here!"

"I got you both somethin'!" He pushed the living room door open, quickly moving his hands around his back.

"What...?" John asked, giving him an untrusting smile.

"Well, I got you some chocolates." He smiled, pulling a box of chocolates from behind his back before speaking again. "And for Julian, well... I haven't got it with me, but I was walkin' down the high street on the way here, right?"

"Yeah?" John asked, watching the younger flop on the seat next to him.

"And I saw somethin' in the window of a shop for him." He took a pause to open up the chocolates. "It was this white playpen, and it kind of like folded up so that you can take it wherever, as long as there's room for it."

"That's great-"

"But, the best thing is that when I looked at the price, it was only £10!"

"That's even better." John smiled sweetly, sensing how excited Paul was.

"I know, I thought that when he's older he'd love it."

"I bet..." John agreed, staring back down to Julian.

After a few seconds of silence and both John and Paul now staring at Julian, Paul eventually Apple up.

"John?"

"Yeah?" He replied, looking up to Paul.

"What- What are we?"

"What do you mean?" John asked, looking him directly in the eyes.

"I mean... What are we? Like are we together? Boyfriends even?" He asked, voice quietened slightly at the word 'boyfriends'.

"I'd love for us to be boyfriends." John spoke shyly.

"Me too... But I'm gonna have to break it off with Jane. It's not fair on her."

John had forgotten about Jane for the last two days.

"No, you're right..." he nodded. "So when do you think you're gonna do it?"

Paul sighed, falling back onto the couch and running a hand over his eyes and through his hair in stress.

"I don't know... Sometime soon, y'know?"

"Hm." John agreed.

"The spark died ages ago." He admitted, staring straight ahead at the dusty fireplace in front. John just let him explain, altering Julian so he was more comfy in John's arms. "When we got together I was mainly happy that I had just found someone. And when we moved in together, I was just so desperate to leave home because that's what adults do, right?"

"Yeah." John also sighed.

"And it was like as soon as we moved in together, it's when it all changed. If I had felt anythin' before, then by the time that all happened, I definitely didn't feel it anymore. And I feel like it was the same for her, in fact I'm almost definite." He spoke like he was making sense of it for himself for the first time too, which he was. "I think it will be better for both of us if we just stop and move on."

John nodded, understanding how complicated this must also be for Paul.

"We have to be careful, Paul." He stated, simply. "I don't want either of us gettin' arrested or whatnot..."

"I know, and we will be careful..." The younger man reassured John, placing his hand over John's. "I want to help you with Julian, John." Paul spoke after a few seconds, his voice shy but sure.

"What?"

"I want to be like a father to Julian too, y'know? I love both you and him so much..."

John smiled at that idea. The thought of a young Julian running around the house calling both John and Paul 'Dad' was amazing to him.

"I fuckin' love that idea, Paul."

He leant in to kiss Paul, feeling an overwhelming amount of love in the pit of his stomach.