Stop Crying Your Heart Out - McLennon AU

21.

24th April, 1963

John could hear the laughs from down the corridor. The sounds of joy and happiness coming from behind one of the 5 doors.

He put his ear close to them all, and it was the final one in which he heard the laughter louder than ever.

The man swung the door open, revealing a strange room, a white cot in the corner and pale blue curtains, as well as blue walls and a white dresser in the opposite corner.

George, Ringo and Paul all sat close on the floor, legs crossed and wide smiles on their faces. They were wearing normal everyday clothes, and John couldn't help but stare at Paul's red turtle neck.

"What are you staring at, Lenny?" George asked, the smile still present.

"Yeah, what is it?" Ringo asked, the same tone as George in his voice.

"Johnny... Don't stare too much..." Paul spoke up, the boy's smile immediately disappearing, worry filling his face. "They'll know. They'll know what we did..."

"Wha- Paul? W-What is this?" He tried to look around the room further, but his attention could only focus on Paul.

"Do you want them to know what we did?" The younger man asked, now frowning with his eyes beginning to tear up.

He slowly uncrossed his legs, rising to his feet. He kept his eyes locked with John's the entire time, as he moved closer and closer to the older man.

"I..."

John wasn't even sure if George and Ringo were in the room anymore.

"Is that what you want?" A smile slowly reappeared on his face, and even though it looked genuine, John could sense the devilish feeling behind it. "Tell me if that's what you want, Johnny."

"Mmm- N... No..."

"Is it what you want?" Paul's face was closer to John's than ever. "All I want is for you to be ha-"

A baby began to cry from one of the other doors, making Paul take a few steps back, revealing George and Ringo once again, who now looked disgusted.

"This is your fault!" Paul cried out, pointing to the two men staring at John from the white carpet. "They hate me now! And it's all because of you! It's YOUR FAULT!"

"No!" John felt himself call out.

The baby's cries got louder, and louder in his ears.

"ITS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT, JOHN LENNON!"

He tried to desperately look away from Paul's hurt face, as the tears running down the younger's cheeks slowly started to break him. He looked so sad, angry.

And it was John's fault.

He reached for the door handle to the side and slammed the door closed, breaking out into sobs as he did so. But the baby continued to cry. He just didn't know where from...

"John..." He felt the voice of a woman whisper in his ear, causing all other noise to stop, including both his and the baby's crying.

"C-Cynthia?" John turned his head to the voice, seeing his wife stood there. Only she didn't look like herself.

Lines of smudged mascara ran down her face, her blonde hair untidy and barely held back by a broken black headband.

She looked so pale.

"Why did you do it...?"

"D-Do what?" John asked, voice breaking.

"Kiss Paul?" Her voice also sounded hurt, just like Paul's had done. "I thought I was the only person for you, John?"

"Cynnie..."

"Cynnie? What about baby? O-Or love?" She now spat, the shift in her tone scaring John. "You barely showed me that sort of affection, yet you think it's okay to just kiss Paul as soon as I'm not there?"

"I-I..."

"No! I thought you were only ever supposed to kiss me?! Only ever supposed to love me! Your wife! That's what you told me when we said our vows, right?!" She called at him, tears now also running from her face. "Yet you go and kiss someone else!"

The baby's cries began again, only this time they seemed closer.

"It's not like that! I- I didn't know what I was doing..."

"You knew full well what you were doing! You're no teenager anymore John! Your an adult!" She now yelled. "Why don't you fucking act like one, huh? Our baby is crying, just behind you in our room, yet you're still standing here and trying to defend yourself?"

This isn't our house... That isn't our room.

"I..." But he couldn't say anything.

"Why don't you stop being such a fucking failure, and stop our baby from crying, John?" She yelled once again, before her voice fell down to a whisper. "Or are you going to run back to Paulie? Little old Macca? The only baby you care about? He's just in room next to me, Johnny..."

"That's not true... I love Julian!"

"Well then why did you kiss Paul, when his mother had just died?! It hadn't even been a fortnight since the funeral, and you're already sucking faces with someone else? A bloke?"

Julian's cries turned to screams, as John desperately tried to move in order to find him and calm him down. Like a good father...

"Why did you do it, John?" Cynthia's broken voice asked, barely above a whisper.

The door to the previous room opened, Paul walking out, followed by a still disgusted looking George and Ringo.

"Why did you do it, Lenny?" They both asked at the same time, Ringo pulling in the now crying Cynthia for a comforting hug.

No

"I have a girlfriend... Why did you kiss me, Johnny?" Paul asked, his red eyes, from all the crying, desperate for an answer.

No

"Why?" Paul repeated, doe eyes still staring deep into John's own.
*
"No!" John called out, his body thrashing forward.

His eyes shot open, taking in his surroundings, only to realise he was back in his house.

Back in his and Cynthia's house.

The man raised a hand to his heart, feeling it beating faster than he thought it ever had before because of everything that he had just felt.

"It was just a nightmare..." He whispered to himself, calming down a bit more once realising that Julian was still asleep.

He wasn't crying... John wasn't a bad father, right?

No, he wasn't.

But he was a terrible husband.