Stop Crying Your Heart Out - McLennon AU

8.

13th April, 1963

Paul wasn't sure what to do. He was tearing himself up in stress because of John, very worried about him. The last time he'd spoken to the man, he'd been yelled at and basically told to piss off and stay away.

He wanted to leave his house, leave the couch that he was cuddled up with Jane on and just run to John's house. But he new that would make the situation worse. John was beyond pissed at him, and Paul knew he needed time to calm down before he visited him again.

He sighed out loud, bringing the hand that wasn't around Jane's waist to his head.

"Is this still about John?" She sighed, noticing his movements almost immediately.

"Yeah, I'm so worried about him..."

"I know Paul." She moved out of his grip, gathering up the dinner plates on the table. "But I worry about you, and you're worrying about him way too much at the moment. You're probably more concerned about him than he is about himself."

"And that's what makes me worried, Jane." Paul watched as the woman nodded, another sigh falling from her lips, and headed to the kitchen.

He had to talk to someone about everything, someone who understood what John was like under stress. Jane certainly didn't.

That person was either going to be George or Ringo.

The four of them met in a music group at primary school, and had all been friends since. Paul wasn't the only one who understood John, the other two boys in the 'friendship group' did too.

So he stood up, dialling George's number. He mostly always answered, he spent a lot of his time at work next to the phone.

"Yep. Whose this?" George asked from the other end.

"Paul." He said, simply.

"Oh hey son, what's goin' on?"

"John."

"Ah. Have you been round to see him?" He asked, his voice quieter.

Even though Paul was about a 15 minute drive away from George's flat, he could still almost see the man taking a drag of his cigarette after finishing his sentence.

"Yeah, uh yesterday..."

"I don't know why but he's been lettin' you around but not me or Ritchie." He took a pause. "I mean, like two days ago I asked 'im if he needed anythin' from the shops... And if he wanted some company but he said no. Which was fine, y'know, he's taking it bad... I was workin' down at the bookies yesterday, so I asked again today, and he said no, but sounded more... I dunno... Agitated? Ritchie said that he asked today too and got the same pissed off reply."

Paul's stomach ached at that response, his mind making a clear note to definitely stay away from John's house for the time being. If he was still pissed off, that wasn't a good sign.

"Yeah, we had an argument yesterday..." Paul sighed, squeezing his eyes shut as he said so, immediately regretting telling George that.

"Really?" He sounded shocked. "Our Johnny's never really had an argument with you, normally all with me... What in the hell did you do?"

"His work sent him a letter, basically sayin' that he's not getting payed after 3 weeks. He can stay off, but can't get payed."

"No way. That's fuckin' disgustin'!"

"I know... And there was this number on the bottom for you to ring if you had any problems."

"Let me guess, he hadn't rung it?"

"No. So when he was asleep... I rung it."

"Well why's he got pissed at you for that?"

"He didn't want me getting involved in his business, he said." Paul sighed. "He told me that now he's gonna have the whole of his workplace thinkin' he's a fuckin' mess because I rang up and complained."

"Deep down I bet he knows you were just trying to help."

"Yeah but still, I invaded his privacy. They weren't my letters to read, definitely not mine to ring up from."

"The man's got so much goin' on at the moment, his head's probably just everywhere. Fillin' his own mind up with all sorts of senarios. He knows himself that he wouldn't have called that number at all, he knows what he's like just as much as we do."

"Yeah, I guess."

"What did they say? You know, when you called 'em?"

"They told me about the new benefits system and how John can get money from that. Obviously I was gonna shut that idea down straight away, but then I realised that the man does need help. And he's going to need all the money he can get, especially if he wants to remain in that rather big house of his."

"There you have it then, the answer."

"What do you mean?"

"He's probably embarrassed. He doesn't want to take the benefits because he feels shame for needing them." George sighed. "I mean that, and the fact that his story is all over the local news is a lot for him, I bet. He wants people to see the best version of himself, not the version that's struggling, that people are feeling sorry for."

"Yeah..." Paul agreed, rubbing his eyebrow in stress. George had a very good point.

"You wanna know somethin', Paul?"

"What's that?"

"I've never seen him cry before, ever. Not even at Cyn's funeral, Ritchie said he ran off somewhere so that he could cry." And George was right, because Paul been the one to follow him see him. "He hates people seeing his vulnerability."

Maybe George had never seen John cry, but Paul had many times... John always opened up to Paul...

Had Ringo ever seen it?