Stop Crying Your Heart Out - McLennon AU

17.

(A/N- I accidentally deleted the final version of this, so I had to re-write half of it. Not too happy about it, so sorry if this isn't the best...)

23rd April, 1963

That following Monday marked 2 weeks of Cynthia's death, and John had made a sort of promise between him and Julian that every Monday the two of them would go and visit Cynthia's grave.

So here they were, John pushing the pram once again through the grass over to the stone headstone, catching a glimpse of the dead flowers he had layed down the week before.

The man stopped the pram in front of the grave, taking out the baby and sitting on the grass once again. He reached underneath the pram, pulling out the light grey elephant for Julian to look at. The baby lay in John's arms, as the man just stared at the stone once again. Only this time he felt as is he should say something.

"I know this isn't about me... But I think I'm doing better." He sighed. "Last week I was such an arsehole to Paul and the other lads. But I apologised... Which sort of made things better I guess. Although I'll always still feel at least a little guilty." The man frowned.

He fell silent for a few more seconds, looking down to Julian, who's arms were flailing around as he caught John's gaze.

"You've been smiling too, ain't you?" The man smiled at the baby in his arms. "He's been smiling away at me. No laughing yet though, but I don't think it'll be long."

After a while of sitting infront of the grave and talking, John remembered he had told Mimi she could call round later on, so decided to think about leaving.

The man stood up, placing Julian back in the pram and wrapping him in his blanket as the wind picked up. He reached underneath the pram once again, taking out the new bunch of flowers and setting them on the floor, replacing the old ones.

"Goodbye Cynnie." He sighed, turning the pram around and walking away, throwing the old flowers in the rubbish bin as he left.

When he got back home, he noticed the door wasn't locked. Panic rushed up in him.

Have I forgotten to lock it?!

No... I swore I locked it...

"Hello?" He called, pushing the door open slightly.

"Hello love!" A sigh of relief rushed through him at Mimi's voice.

"Mimi... Did I give you a key?"

"No darling... Cynthia did. Do you need help with the pram?" She asked, leaving the living room.

"Uh, no..."

John opened the door fully, pulling the pram inside and locking it behind him. He tossed the key in the bowl at the side.

"Come here, darling." He heard Mimi whisper behind him, probably picking Julian up. "Come to your great auntie."

"Great?" John laughed lightly.

"You know it." She smiled, looking him in the eye. "Okay, I'll take him from here. You go and do something you like." It sounded like more of an order than anything, which of course it was.

"A-Are you sure, Mimi?" He asked unsure.

"Yeah. Go and get some kip or somethin'." The woman suggested. "He'll be fine with me, I've missed him."

"I guess I could sleep..." Then he remembered, it was a Monday. He was meeting Paul outside of his school again that afternoon. "I'm goin' meetin' with Paul at 3... So if I do end up fallin' asleep, can you please wake me up at like... Half 2?"

"Of course, darling." She nodded, looking him up and down before leaning over to give him a kiss on the forehead. "Now go on, you look shattered."

He nodded, taking a final look at Julian before running up the stairs.

When he entered the bedroom, it was the same as he had left it that same morning. He didn't have the energy to make the bed up, so just left it. Julian's Moses basket still remained in the small space next to John's bed and the drawers underneath the window. 

That struck a thought in him...

Julian would be too big for the basket soon... John still had to do up his room. They had bought almost everything before he was born, but John hadn't built any of it yet. Apart from the wardrobe, but that was already in the room when John and Cynthia moved in. John had so much on his mind that he'd forgot about Julian's room. He hadn't even been in there for weeks a.

Maybe I could ask the boys to help? Mimi could even look after Julian. While we do it...

But all the ideas buzzing around his mind caused him more stress... He let his body fall back onto the bed, taking his shoes off and throwing them on the ground in front of him with force, as if the action would relive some of his problems

But it didn't.

So with an exhausted and fed up sigh, he adjusted himself and let his head fall on top of the white pillows, not bothering to pull the covers over him.

And he fell asleep in seconds, still dressed in his normal clothes.