Stop Crying Your Heart Out - McLennon AU

7.

12th April, 1963

To say John was pissed off was a total understatement. The man was filled with anger at the fact that Paul hadn't just read that letter, but he'd fucking called the number at the bottom too!

Things were already stressful enough, he didn't want Paul to know about his money problems and have him also worrying about it. But Paul just had to go and get involved himself, didn't he?

The man was probably walking back to his house right now, feeling even more pity for John than he had done previously.

Because not only was John already struggling, he was probably going to have to change his lifestyle dramatically, just so that he can afford to basically live.

The main thought on his mind in the last few days was either about Julian, or just pitying himself. At first he'd thought about his job, but as soon as he read the letter that denied him pay for the first time he'd tried to hold off those thoughts for as long as he could.

But now that Paul knew, he was going to have the younger man always pecking at his head, trying to help.

Because that's all he was doing; trying to help. But John didn't want help, because with help came pity, and he certainly didn't want any more of that than he was already getting.

Which is why his mood got even worse when he entered the shop.

The man pushed the pram through the doors of the shop on the high street, making his way towards the baby milk. He felt like he could see people staring at him from the corner of his eye. As if to say 'look, that's the guy who was on my newspaper this morning'. But John just tried to stay focused on Julian and the shelves that surrounded him.

He grabbed the baby milk formula from the shelf, continuing further down the baby aisle too see what else they had in stock.

There was this gorgeous suffed animal that was lying on the shelf. It was a light grey elephant, that had a mini blanket attached to it. John thought about what he'd already bought for Julian, and there were a few toys already in the mix, but this smallish, light grey elephant was just waiting for John to buy it.

He took hit off the shelf, looking at the price, which was relevantly cheap.

"Hey, baby, what do you think about this?" John asked the baby, who was flailing around in the pram, eyes not knowing what to focus on. He knew that his son didn't understand, but he held it infront of him anyway. "Do you want this, baby? Call it... Nellie?"

Julian's eyes seemed to fall upon it, mouth falling open as he stared at it. It made John laugh a bit, seeming to forget about what had previously got so angry over.

The man took the smallish elephant anyway, holding it in one arm with the formula as he pushed the pram towards the till.

John headed straight to the woman behind the counter, as there was nobody else in the queue.

"Uh, just these please." He refused to look into the woman's eyes, as he placed the objects on the counter and reached for his wallet. But she didn't seem to move.

"Please sir, there's no need for that." She said, referring to the wallet he was now holding.

Those words were enough for John to remember everything that had made him so agitated, the wound up feeling returning.

He couldn't yell at this woman, she was only being polite. But she was pitying John, just like Paul... Just like everyone else seemed to be doing.

That thought, of everyone around him in one big group of people who were constantly in distress over him, wanted to make him topple over.

"No. No, look..." He replied, staring at his hands on the counter. "I don't want your fuckin'... Your pity or politeness. So I'm gonna give you this £5 note, and you're just gonna five me my 35p back in return, yeah?" He didn't speak to her like he was angry, more like he was worn out.

She just nodded, sensing the man was not in the mood, taking the £5 note and giving John the change.

"Cheers." The woman placed his things in a bag, and watched him turn around and leave without another word.