Living For Tomorrow

Introduction

GRACE

It's been forvevr since I've felt real. The moment everthing around me turned bright white I've been living in this world filled with vibrations, and covered with white walls, illuminated by white lights, and the only thing that makes me feel alive is the vibrations of the blue eyed boy.

I can feel his heart, it's beating and filled with life, but unlike him I'm stuck and slowly becoming apart of this world. I'd hate to think that the blue eyed boy is a ficition of my insanity, a picture my mind is trying to form in order to keep me sane. I feel like I've known him forever and its so funny that someone that might not even be real is what makes me feel like I still exsist.

In my mind he's the most handsome, selfless and soulful person and the only person I feel like I know, he adds colour to the empty white room, he's the mixture of all three primary colours that produce my white light. My name is Grace Jones and my vibrations tells me that coming back to reality doesn't seem as imporatant as loving the blue eyed boy.

~~

Its that time of the day, the time I feel alive and its only because he's here and its only us , no white room no lonliness. Its the only time I get to escape the limitations of what I can think, hear and feel.

When he's here his voice is always so distant but I know he's next to me , the blue eyed boy is telling me that its ok to not feel alive. He constantly reminds me that I'm strong enough to break out of this.

He holds my hand and writes me the most beautiful poems and refuses to leave when our time is up. He always tells me that he's sorry but he never says for what.

The first time I met him he told me that it's his fault that I might never wake up, he has never told me specifcally for what but I always imagine these blue eyes on the verge of tears staring back at me with such emotion. Sometimes he comes with other people but I'm not familar with them, and their vibrations are much more weaker than his that its to the point where I can barely tell when they're here.

The blue eyed boy comes everyday with a new story, He always keeps me posted on the latest trends and anything that has happened to him that day that he thinks I'd find funny.His story today was about him getting detention, apparently randomly telling his teacher that he needs to wear bigger pants isn't the best thing to say.

Normally during his stories his vibartions are heavy and filled with emotion but today however they feel light, and his vibrations for once feel happy.

~~

Our time is up, Its time for the blue eyed boy to leave, and if the change from heavy to light wasn't enough, today he leaves without force. He lets go of my hand too soon and he moves from next to me with a vibration of what feels like acceptance. The last emotion I'm allowed to feel before he got too far was the closest vibration to hurt I've ever felt when it came to the blue eyed boy.

~~

I'm currently trying so hard to break through my limitations of these white walls, I'm hurting myself so much that the lights around me are dimming.

I need to think, I need to feel, I need to understand but he's not here. Since he left I've been trying to understand why I felt hurt, I've been trying to give in to my insnaity just for a little while just so that I could understand. But the only vibration I've accomplished is of the white walls. They're vibrating with extreme levels of pressure and force, and when I thought I'd never be able to think and feel without him,

I feel like my head explodes.

I'm finally feeling but its not what I imagined this moment being like.
My mind can't take all this pain and pressure all at once, I feel as if I'm mentally and physically incapable of surving until I hear the echo of his voice being strangled by the deafening sound of monitors.

I tune into each faded memory of his supporting words and I mentally scream, I scream so loud that the lights around me shatter and I'm only left with the full feeling of darkness.

I continue screaming until its no longer mental I feel my vocal cords vibrate and I hear my voice, my eyes suddenly shoot open with surprise and the continuous beeping of a monitor no longer seems distant and faint, I'm breathing heavily, I've stopped screaming,

I can feel.

Through the glass I can see people rushing towards me and as they are about to open the door, I stop breathing and I'm once again consumed by everything that isn't real.

The last thing I hear before I'm removed from reality is the sound of a woman being dragged away as she struggles to find her voice, "Please stay alive sweetheart mommy needs you".

I feel as if I just witnessed the ending scene of a movie, and the only thing I can do is hope that there's a post credit scene.

I feel as if it didn't actually happen and that it was all just an illusion.

I feel as if I'm the main character in a movie that everyone knows has a horrible ending but yet they chose to watch it anyway.

But I can't fully commit to the analogy because everyone knows that a movie must have a love interest and within my 10 seconds of reality I missed every single Easter egg except for the absence blue eyed boy.