Living For Tomorrow

CHAPTER 2

JAHRAE

I'm brought back to reality as someone roughly shoves me backwards , "Didn't I tell you not to come back here." I immediately recognized the voice to be that of her father's.

I'm unable to form a reasonable explanation as to why I came to the hospital, because honestly, I have no place in her life and Its time that I accept that.

"Hey,I asked you a question you piece of shit." her father firmly states as I'm shoved again ,but this time into a wall.

Not knowing what the fuck I'm supposed to do,I duck my head in embarrassment as I answer him "Mr. Jones I- , look I know I've overstepped my boundaries but it won't happen again", I slowly raise my eyeline to meet his "I promise".

His wife runs towards us her son Ethan hot on her tails,"William get off of him,what are you doing?".

"I told this this fucker never to show his face in this hospital again", He responds as he glares at me.

Not being able to help myself I shrug his shoulders off of me and take one step towards him. "With all due respect sir I didn't know you owned the hospital." I snickered to myself. "But since you clearly run the place I would like to kindly request, that you convince my parents to let me stop my physical therapy classes. They're really starting to become a pain in the butt."

Childish giggles interrupt the silence as I hear Ethan mumble to himself "Haha he said butt".

Iyana stoops to her son's level as she instructs him to go and take a seat next to his Aunt , she then directs her attention to me ,"Listen to me Jahrae , we understand that you only have good intentions but I can't allow you to continue visiting my daughter." she sighs and continues," and I'm sorry for my husband's behavior, we've all just been on edge lately with everything that's been going on."

Not trying to get pushed into another wall I pay my regards, and right as I'm about to leave ,I recognize the faint voice of Ethan asking his mom "Doesn't Jay J wanna go and see Gracie".

~~

On my way home I couldn't help but think about the last time I saw her.

It's been 4 weeks the equivalent of 2419200 seconds each spent by her side.

I can't stand the thought of not hearing every single update about her state, or not being here to hold onto her hands, hoping that she can sense my touch and hear my voice when I tell her to stay strong.

I hope that she can hear me apologize for the 100th time and I could only imagine that she listens to all of my ridiculous stories about the littlest things, like my teacher's pants being too tight.

I've recently started to write her poems,since its the only thing that I seem to be good at. Poems are the pot of gold at the end of my colorless rainbow, and sometimes I like to imagine that each poem I read to her adds a different colour to our spectrum.

I clear my throat as I begin to recite the poem to her and the mosquitoes in the room.

"I love everything about a flower,from the softness of its petals to its sweet scent.
You're my flower in the mist of all this chaos, I'm being held up by your stems and nourished by your nectar.
I'm the pesky little bee that you just can't seem to get rid of, from the buzzing sounds of me ranting about my day in your ears to the sweet kisses like honey I leave behind on your forehead."

I close my book and look up at her, "I promised your dad that this will be the last time I come to visit you,and as much as I don't want to, I know that it's time I move on and let you heal."

I hold onto her soft hands trying to find the strength to continue,
"the doctors told me today that if everything goes as planned you should be able to wake up,so no matter what, I promise you that when you open your eyes and take your first breath I'll be right here wai-"

"Oh sorry ,I didn't realize that there was someone in here still, not to interrupt but it's time for her daily check up and I also think that visiting hours are over." The young nurse giggles as she puts a strand of her hair behind her ears. She looks like she can be in her 20s, probably a student trainee or something.

Taking one last glance at her peaceful sate , I smile in content before I make my way towards the door. Before I leave the room I see a vase of flowers and a note on the nightstand,I definitely didn't notice that upon my arrival.

Inching my way towards it I feel the nurse's hand wrap around my wrists stopping me, "You can't interfere with that."

"Who sent her that." I asked , directing my attention to the nurse gesturing to her that she can let go of my wrist now.

The nurse shrugged,"Some guy that comes in sometimes, I think he was close to her before, you know....".

Taking another glance at the night stand , I feel completely stupid for forgetting that this girl whoever she is obviously had a life before me, and I can't believe it's taken me this long to understand that she will continue to have one after me.

Pinching the bridge of my nose,I look at the nurse, "I'm gonna leave now, thanks for um- just, thank you".pushing past her I rush out into the hallway and straight to the parking lot where I stand and take a deep breath.

Come on Jahrae in through your nose,out through your mouth.

In through your nose, out through your mouth.

In through your fucking nose, and out through your godamn mouth

I intake a sharp breath as it feels like I was unconsciously holding my breath for too long.

The irritating sound of a loud ass horn, alerts me that I'm still very much driving and that I need to get my head out of my ass and get home in one piece. I quickly check my phone and see that I have 42 miss calls from my mom, "Shit!! she's gonna fucking kill me."