Living For Tomorrow

CHAPTER 9

JAHRAE

My mom hasn't left me alone since this morning, LITERALLY.

She's insisted on feeding me, she's been constantly talking to me because she's scared that I'd fall asleep and I prefer not talk about my bathroom breaks.

"Mom I love you and I appreciate everything that your doing to help me but, I'd really appreciate 30 minutes to get ready for my session." I ask her with pleading eyes.

"J but what if you faint whilst in the shower?" She responds whilst helping me out of the bed.

"Mom, I'm prepared to make that sacrifice." and as soon as I'm finshed speaking I immediately beeline towards the bathroom door and lock it behind me.

Releasing a breath of air I make my way towards the mirror, I pull off my tshirt and rest my hands onto the sink.

I really need to get back into working out, these past months has not only taken a strain on me mentally but it's clearly affected my physique. Unfortunately I'm no longer a fine ass lean cuisine but instead I look like muscle head that fell off.

There's the faint lines where my abs used to be but instead I'm no longer muscular I'm just, skinny.

And don't get me wrong I don't have a problem with it but I also took pride in the way I looked. I enjoyed the attention I got from girls and the envious looks that boys sent my way, but none of that matters now because the only thing left on my body are scars and the only eyes on me are ones filled with judgement and pity.

It doesn't even bother me anymore because even I feel sorry for myself.

I'm angry at myself for the kind of shallow lifestyle that I chose to live , I disregarded everyone and everything around me and now I can't take any of it back, I just have to live with it. I have to live with every bad decision and every reckless action that I've committed.

And I've always argued with my parents that most of the time it wasn't my decision to do some of those things but that's just as bad, maybe even worse.

Standing by and watching people do the wrong thing instead of practicing what's right is just as bad as the act itself.

And its not like I can go back in time and tell myself to open my fucking eyes and realize that I'm actually hurting people, and for every minor decision that I make the least that I could've done is consider the consequences before I became one.

I wish I knew better before I became the victim of my own mistakes because it wasn't the people who encouraged me that was affected, it wasn't the ones that got me into it in the first place who had to suffer, because in the end I had to burn in the fire that other people started and unfortunately for me the only way to extinguish it was to first make it worse.

~~

I'm currently making me way towards the 3rd floor of the hospital where my physical therapy sessions are held. I honestly find it annoying that they couldn't put it on the first floor,like I may not be missing a limb nor am I incapable of walking but it still hurts like a bitch when I walk long distances and I refuse to use my crutches for longer than 2 months because that's just as annoying.

I finally reach the entrance to the room and I approach the main desk.
"Yo uncle Earl, where's Koda?"

Koda is my physical therapy coach that just happens to be my cousin, family business I guess.