Living For Tomorrow

CHAPTER 3

GRACE

I'm starting to like this feeling of complete emptiness, its kinda peaceful.

Your heart rate slows down in a constant steady rhythm.

Your body feels light enough to float alongside clouds.

And your mind is consumed by so much silence that it falls asleep.

The thing about falling asleep here ,is that you don't dream.

You just close your eyes, and end up in the exact same place you were when they were open.

A place where everything around you is consumed by white and for the millionth time you realize how much you've taken color for granted.

That's why he's so important, because the only colour I know, is blue.

I feel like I woke up specifically just to see that he wasn't there......that he isn't real.

I've been trying to remind myself that sometimes, people,sick people, hallucinate and see things that aren't really there as a way to cope.

Now I know he's just a coping mechanism.

A mind game conducted by my brain just so that I don't feel so alone.

I wish I could say that it hurts , or that I'm sad, but I don't know what I am or what I feel.

All I know and all I have are these vibrations, different heights , different speeds and each at different intervals.

I feel them on my fingertips, I feel them dancing around my toes, and as stupid as it sounds....

I feel them in my heart, and every frequency is pointed in the direction of him and his beautiful blue eyes.

The typical thing to say would be that his eyes remind me of the ocean, and that I can swim in his eyes until my fingers prune. So I guess that makes me typical, because it's the truth.  His eyes do remind me of the ocean but in this case, the water's too cold, the waves are too rough, and if I go into the water and start to swim, the current is gonna take me away until I no longer see the shore.

And when I'm adrift in this sea of all my questions and doubts, sailing full speed ahead, I'll run out of breath and I'll drown just to wake up again. In the same white room , same brights lights and the same exact feeling of pure emptiness.

~~

I wonder what kind of person I am, if I like to swim or listen to classical music religiously only on Mondays because it's my favorite day of the week.

Maybe I don't even have a favorite day of the week.

Maybe I lived everyday like it was my last.

I hope I lived everyday like it was my last.

I hope I have people that genuinely love me, and that I'm not like one of those mean girls that you read about in books.

I wonder if I had a boyfriend, someone that wouldn't sleep for days if he ever found out something ever happened to me.

I wonder if I have a phat, juicy, voluptuous,well rounded ,I don't think you ready for this jelly ass.

A girl can only hope.

A girl can only hope that soon she'll be able to discover all of these unanswered answered questions.

But deep down inside I feel as if I'll wake up again but this time  in a different room. Unfortunately it won't be surrounded by medical equipment nor my loved ones but instead there'd be no light, no hope, no maybes, no blue eyed boy just darkness.

But if I get lucky and I sure as hell hope I do, there's a chance that I'll wake up on the beach laying on the sand and staring at the captivating blue of the sky.

A|N

Grace's chapters aren't meant to be long for now. It's simply a short snippet of what's going on in her head whilst she's in the coma.