Living For Tomorrow

CHAPTER 5

JAHRAE

"What the fuck was that for ?" I asked her with complete and utter shock evident in my voice. "A distraction" she laughs as she gets up from here bed to head towards her closet.

Following her , I get up and lean  against the arch frame leading into her closet ,"I hope your coming in here to get my ass some comfy clothes,a pair of unicorn shorts would be nice." I tease as I gently rub the side of my face.

"Unfortunately no, I'm just looking for something I wanna show you." she replies as she continues to rummage through her surroundings until she pulls out a awfully decorated shoe box.

"What's that??" ,I asked and she simply replies by removing the lid and showing me the contents of the box, "No fucking way you actually kept this." I questioned in amusement as I looked down at all of the little trinkets and toys from our childhood.

When Alexis and I were little, everytime we did something "epic" together or got into trouble we'd collect an item for the sole purpose of memory and future nostalgia. We stored the stupidest things like gum wrappers and chewed up dog toys.

Alexis excitedly goes back over to the bed and taps the spot next to her. "Since  slapping the sadness out of you didn't work, why not sit together and laugh about our ridiculous yet awesome and adventure filled childhood." She inquires sporting the widest smile on her face.

I sit on the bed and take out a sock with  a hole in it and a stane of some type of condiment coating it , "I wanna bet this is your doing" , Alexis giggles and snatches the sock out of my hand "It's not my fault  your dumb enough to cover your socks in peanut butter in hopes that your  dog would follow and rescue you if you ever got kidnapped."

I laugh at the memory of 11 yearold Jahrae screaming for dear life as his dog devoured his poor foot. "In my defense it was a brilliant plan."

"Yeah a plan that almost resulted in you loosing a big toe." She replies rolling her  eyes and shaking her head.

Alexis and I continued to go through the items in the box,telling eachother stories and reminiscing on all of the memories we shared growing up.

Eventually she fell asleep, but not before I could thank her for helping me relax and for adding some light to my really horrible and exhausting day.

I try my best to fix her into a comfortable position and throw her  blankets over her body. Before I leave I give her a quick peck on her temple and quietly leave through her window.

~~

I hate mornings

I hate the way the sun shines through my apparently not dark enough curtains in an annoying game of peek-a-boo.

I hate the sound of singing birds, chirping in agonizing melodies slowly pecking at the bark of my thin patience.

But most importantly,

I hate the silence.
I never understood why people chose to say that they enjoy the "sound" of silence when silence is referred to as  the absence of sound.

How can you enjoy something that's not even there.

Silence usually occurs in the worst moments, it floods the room and immediately demands everyone's attention in return making everyone hyperaware and anxious.

So again I hate silence, because in reality it's too loud and its 100% deafening.

Diverging my train of thought, someone knocks on the door of my room.

Assuming it's my mum I strain my neck over to my left and tell her to come in. She's still suited in her pajamas accompanied with  her thick rimmed glasses that cover her blue eyes.

Her eye colour is probably  the only physical feature I have that could indicate she's my mom, because unfortunately majority of my genes come from my dad. Everything from my dark brown curly head of hair to my dangerously sharp facial structure I'm his splitting image, Yay.

I'm happy that I have my moms eyes,  it's kinda ironic that blue eyes are usually described as piercing and cold but my mom's beautiful blue eyes are welcoming, they feel like a warm summer day in comparison to dark brown dungeons of my dad's.

"Hey mom wassup, dad kick you off the bed again." I remark since annoying her is one of my favorite activities.
She laughs and shakes her head pushing the rim of her glasses up her nose.

"No silly, I'm just coming to make sure that you're ok" she responds as she sits at the foot of my bed,"I know that you had a tough day yesterday, how are you by the way."

I sigh and sit up against my bed frame,
"I've been  better, but it's nothing a little coffee and some fresh are won't fix."

I move from my position on the bed so that I could kiss my mom on her forehead. "I'm sorry for the problems I may have caused yesterday, it really wasn't my intention."

"It's ok J, I know that its been alot for you which is why," she pauses obviously hesitant about saying her next words. She takes a deep breath and continues "Honey I want you to consider talking to a therapist."

Not allowing her to continue I interrupt her bullshit idea," Mom I love you but for the 100th time I'm not going to therapy, I don't need some middle aged woman making me feel like I'm mentally ill and telling me things about myself that I already know." "And  besides don't you think my numerous amounts of physical therapy sessions are enough."

"Your not ok J and it's time you accept that you can't fight this one on your own, you've completely locked everyone out since it's happened and I just want to make sure that you're being healthy both physically and mentally. You're my son so excuse me if I hate seeing you this way." She replies clearly agitated by my response.

My mom takes a deep breath and makes her way out of my room , before leaving she turns her back to me whilst saying," If you really want to stop all types of therapy so badly I'll call the hospital and tell them cancel all upcoming sessions." Starting to feel bad for my actions I begin to apologize but I'm met with the sound  of my bedroom  door being closed shut.

What  a lovely start to my day.