Living For Tomorrow

CHAPTER 12

JAHRAE

After my failed session with Koda I stopped by the cafeteria to try and fill my endless void with food since food is the answer to everything.

The selection of hospital food really isn't top tier at all but since my parents own the hospital, I receive somewhat of a special treatment.

After getting my food and a bottle of water I make my way over to the back of the hospital where there's an outdoor gardening area. My mom made it her duty to create a place where patients can feel less "hospitalized" during thier stay here, she really puts her all into this hospital and I admire that.

I latch my teeth onto my pizza and plop myself down onto a nearby bench. Everything about this garden screams serenity and peace which helps me to calm down and think.

I can admit that I was a bit of an ass back there but Koda wasn't much of a princess either, the shit he said really did hurt because I know he's only trying to tell me the truth.

What if she doesn't wake up and I'm only wasting my time hoping for this huge miracle to happen.

What if I deserved to live with the guilt, that because of me someone's life has been snatched away from them without even getting to say goodbye to the things that they loved.

I never really understood what was so good about goodbyes anyway, but this entire situation has made me question my existence and my horrible decision that lead me too this point.

Like what the fuck was I doing and why did it not register to me that I should've stopped. Why did someone else have to suffer the impact of my decision, why aren't I the one on a hospital bed holding onto the essence of life and reality.

Why her, of all people why did it have to be her. After all life is a game of chance and fate so what on earth does it have instore for me and you Grace Jones.

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"Ugh this bed is so uncomfortable when can I go home,mom." I ask for the 100th time the last hour

"You aren't leaving this room until your authorized to do so ok." She replies sternly.

I'm about to pester her even more when the sound of the hospital room phone rings.

My mom picks it up and answers it with a chirpy tone, I immediately know somethings up when the smile on her face slowly disappears into worry, "Are you sure......but what are the chances that, this happens whilst we're here." she continues frantically.

My mom continues to go back and fourth with the person on the other end until she finally hangs up. "What's going on?" I inquire as I take in the conflicted look on her face.

"Well good news, you get to home." She immediately says while she rushes around the room gathering all of our stuff.

I get off the bed and walk infront of her ,"Was that the doctor on the phone, did he clear me."

"Jahrae, for God's sake can you just listen for once and helped me get your things, we're leaving, NOW!, end of discussion." I stare at my mom confused because she never speaks to me that way, not even when I'm being a dick towards her.

Listening to her orders I help pack my bag and gather the rest of our belongings. My mom double checks the room before she ushers me out the door.

Nothing makes sense right now but I'll just ask questions after because she seems in a rush. I'm about to press the elevator button when my mom stops me. "We can't go down to the first floor, we're talking the stairs straight down to the emergency parking lot and we'll exit through there." She instructs

"Mom ,that literally doesn't make any sense why we would do that, what's so bad about taking the elevator to the first floor and then leaving through the front door." I asked utterly confused at this point.

"Did someone die or something because of so thats cool as hell and I kind wanna see a dead bo-"

"Yes someone died and their.....bleeding out and stuff so we can't go that way." My mom remarks whilst she walks ahead of me to the stairs.

I follow her each limp at a time until I catch up "Not tryna be a smart ass or anything but that still doesn't explain why we're leaving in such a rush, why couldn't I just stay in the room."

My mom ignores me as she continues down the flight of stairs, I look ahead of me and groan because I know I'm built different right now and stairs aren't my friend. Mumbling a few incoherent slurs, I follow behind her until we reach the door to the parking lot.

My mom finally stops and turn around to look at me " I'm sorry J." She remarks but instantly turns back around and makes her way towards the car without uttering another word.

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One long and quite car ride later I'm sitting in our living room on the floor staring at my mom on the couch with a novel in her hand .

"Are we gonna talk or are we gonna act like that never happened."

Still no reply.

"Mom what we're you apologizing for just please tell me what happened back there, please." I beg making sure to pout just a little bit hoping to gain her sympathy.

She finally looks me in my eyes and removes her glasses to put them aside,
"I know that your confused and to be honest I'm a little bit lost too, but your father he- ,he instructed that you left as soon as possible."

"That still doesn't answer my question." I reply in annoyance

"Honey, just trust that we both had your best interests at heart and we're only trying to protect you, you're better off not knowing what happen ok." She replies with the soft voice I've grown accustomed to.

My mom opens her arms to welcome me in for a hug and I oblige as I hold her in my arms "I love you so much and I want to see you happy, but your health comes first."

I feel her arms tightening around me and the feeling in my chest gets worse, I don't know what the fuck is going on but I do trust her so I'm just gonna drop it for now, "Love you too mom."