Why We Broke Up || YeonBin

Prelude

The male removed the cover of the box given to him by his friend with shaking hands.

He sits on the floor of his room, the box on his lap as tried to hold himself together. His heart beats fast, mind spinning in a tangled mess while he stares down at the bunch of envelopes resting peacefully in a huddled compilation inside the object.

He picks one of them up. Hand trembling a little because of the uncertainties that came with it. He doesn't know what to expect. Has no idea what the letters might held.

The words written may break him even more or somehow bring consolation in his still aching heart.

He was about to open the first one when a glimpse of something black was caught in the corner of his eyes, poking a little just below the crowd of envelopes.

With a frown made by his oozing curiousity, Yeonjun gently puts the paper on his hold down and carefully picks up the thing that piqued his interest.

It happened to be a cassette tape and Yeonjun bitterly scoffs because it's such a Soobin thing to do and he doesn't know how to handle all of the bits left of his sanity anymore.

He then gets up, placing the box down on the floor and walks towards his drawers where he keeps his Walkman.

It wasn't originally his possession, but Soobin has always has this strong passion involving things vintage that Yeonjun learned to adapt from the time they spent together.

The moment he got the Walkman, he returned back on his spot beside the box and inserts the tape inside the object. He then plugs in the earphones in his ears before pressing play.

His breath hitches.

"Yeonjun hyung, it's me."

He heard a deep intake of breath right after. There was a little shuffling and then a moment of silence follows, like the tape knows Yeonjun needs it because he's now biting his lower lip so hard and his eyes are glistening with tears just from the mere sound of his voice.

"There's a lot— a lot of things I want to say to you but...let me start with, with I'm sorry."

Soobin's voice was shaky. Like he was trying his best not to cry and break down because the weight on his chest was heavy because it hurt so much it was killing him and it gave Yeonjun the feeling that maybe—

Maybe it wasn't just him who's suffering all along.

Because Soobin's heart is breaking too.

"Baby, I'm so sorry we have to end up this way but please, please know that I dont want this— or maybe you shouldnt know that, for now at least. Because for now I need to you to think I'm leaving you. I need you to think that I'm wasting everything we ever shared together. I need you to hate me, hyung— need you to hate me so much so you wouldn't be hurt just as much as I am. I need you to despise me and bury everything that I am at the back of your head so that you'll forget the way my touches feel against your skin, so that it would be easy for you to forget that I did in fact, love you so damn much.

But baby, for now, I need you to think that I lied."

No one told Yeonjun it'll pain him so fucking much to hear that.

He presses a hand against his mouth as he lets out a sob. His tears falling messily beyond his control and there's a repeated action of his remaining pieces shattering and he couldn't stop them anymore.

"You must be wondering why I'm saying things like this though. You must be thinking I'm crazy because why would I ever want you to hate me so much? But the thing is, it's a lot more complicated than that.

I dont even know how to explain everything to you— I don't know where to start and I don't even know if I want you to know.

Yeonjun I don't want you to be involved in anything that could harm you. I can't have you go through that and you'll only be able to avoid that is if we're to— if we're to be apart."

He's left with so many questions Yeonjun doesn't know what to ask first.

What could it be?

How bad could it be that they have to be apart?

What is Soobin keeping from him?

"Never imagined I would have to say that. I genuinely thought it was over the day I left but I guess I can never really escape from my life."

There was silence again. It was longer than the first one and Yeonjun could've thought it was over if not for the still rolling tape inside the Walkman.

"Yeonjun hyung, baby— I swear I'll say everything to you once I'm sure it's alright. the moment I've taken care of everything I would immediately go to you and explain, if you want me to. What am I saying? Of course I would still explain even if you don't want to know my reasons anymore because you deserve just as that.

Once all of this is over I promise, I'll tell you all the reasons why we have to break up."

A shaky breath left Yeonjun's lips as he wiped off the tears from his face.

He hates this.

He can't go on like thi—

"I love you so much, baby.”

Soobin's voice broke at the end and another heartbreaking sound escapes Yeonjun and the tears fell again no matter how much he tries to wipe them off because fuck this, he loves Soobin so much too. It's driving him insane not to have any idea what Soobin is going through.

"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Yeonjun-ah, I love you."

And as the tape finally reached its end, Yeonjun reached his breaking point too.