tacenda
pronunciation | ta - 'chen - da
(noun.) things better left unsaid; matters to be passed over in silence.
their relationship was tacenda, brushed over with a 'we're just friends'
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in which two pogues sit a little too close, laugh a little t...
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Lea tossed in bed, opening her eyes to see her dress still in a clump on the floor beside her.
Normally, she had no problem falling asleep in Kie's bed. The sheets were softer than her's, the mattress filled with less rocks, but tonight was not a night for sleep. Not when her best friend was currently in hospital.
"Kie?" Lea whispered.
"Yeh."
Lea turned around so she was facing Kie, their faces less than 15cm apart. "Which one of them are you mad at?"
"What?" The girls voices were quiet and hushed. It was a sort of unspoken pact between the girls: whenever something went wrong they would stay at each other's houses. After all, your parents can hardly yell at you for running away from a party if A) your friends are with you Or B) you just don't show up at home.
Lea chose the latter, refusing to return to her Dad's house, and simultaneously refusing to tell her mom what happened.
"Are you mad at John B or Sarah?"
"I'm mad at both of them. John B's putting the whole mission at risk by including her."
"And he's falling for another girl."
"I-" Kie got defensive at first, but as she looked at her best friend she realised there was no point. "I'm getting over him. I am. But it just hurts, ya know? Especially as it's the one person that he knew I hated."
"He never meant to hurt you Kie. He's just an idiot."
"I feel like an idiot too."
"Maybe we're not idiots. Maybe we just have idiotic feelings."
Kie frowned, "what's up with you and your feelings?"
Lea paused for a minute. "I think I like JJ."
"Kalea, bubs, that's not new."
"No, but what's happening is. It's like I've always had a lid on my feelings, and sure, it didn't really work, but I feel... I feel like he doesn't care as much as I do."
"Really?" Kie knew her friend didn't need advice, but someone to listen.
"He's JJ. The fuckboy, the player, the guy who flirts with everything that has two legs. And I know he loves me, but I don't think he loves me enough. Or in the same way that I love him. I feel like he's settling for me."
"Lea, that's crazy, why-"
"Think about it! The amount of times he's hit on you, tried to get you to go out with him. And all the times he's come running back to me, my arms wide open. You know, I'm Lea, the pushover, the one who cleans up the mess. And I'm so fed up being the second choice. Being the replaceable one."
"You're not replaceable." Kie said gently.
"My dad replaced me. He had a whole new daughter lined up before he even got rid of me. And what if that is what this is about? What if he fucked me up so much that I'll forever be chasing guys who want nothing to do with me. Or who just want me to stop themselves feeling lonely?"
