I Can't, If It's Not You

Chapter 20

Date: 12/5/2020

AN: I think this chapter is important as it shows Kongpob's plight..

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Kongpob saw it all happen as if in slow motion. He glared at the intern who was showing so much concern for his Phii, but that did not deter the said intern. The Suthiluck heir watched as Aroon picked up what looked like the crispiest piece of bacon and made to place it on Arthit's plate. He watched as Aroon's eyes widened in shock as he caught the sight of the hickey on Arthit's neck. Kongpob saw the young man's face shut down in hurt and disappointment as he tried to clean the mess made by his chopsticks. Aroon was clearly hurt beyond anything he was prepared for. Kongpob felt a tremor of sympathy for the boy, he understood the heart-clenching pain Aroon must have felt at that moment. Kongpob knew Aroon had had a good idea of his relationship with Arthit, but knowing and getting a confirmation are two completely different things.

Arthit stood up and called out to Aroon as the younger man dashed off out of the house. Kongpob gently held his Phii back and pushed him sit back down.

"Phii, please finish eating, take your meds and then rest okay? I will go check on him," Kongpob said as he turned towards P'Chati and gave a meaningful nod. The older man nodded knowingly, assuring that he will look after Arthit.

As Kongpob rushed downstairs, he heard swift footsteps and sniffling sounds of Aroon from the floor or two below. Although he had felt jealous and angry at the familiarity with which Aroon treated Arthit, at this moment Kong rather felt sorry for the young man. He understood what it was like to fall and keep drowning in love with P'Arthit very well. Kongpob knew how there was no way out once your heart takes that road and no matter how much you try you can't escape. He had been through all this, of course. In the end he had to accept that his heart will never have room for anyone else but Arthit and had accepted his destiny. He also understood what excruciating pain Aroon must be going through right now, having had his heart shatter at the knowledge that he could never be anything more than a friend to Arthit.

Kongpob stopped short as he saw a hunched over figure, head leaning on his knees with both arms covering on either side. The young man was clearly sobbing uncontrollably, and Kongpob felt surprisingly sympathetic. He walked closer slowly, crouched down and gently touched the arm of the young man.

Aroon looked up, eyes puffed even as tears were running down his cheeks. He shook Kongpob's hand away violently.

"Get away," Aroon shouted.

The Suthiluck heir just sat there patiently, unable to say anything. As he made to once again comfort the broken man, "Aroon..I.."

"You are Married!!!"

The young intern's accusing words hit Kongpob like a slap and he closed his eyes against the stabbing pain in his heart. He was not unaware of the irony of situation. Here was a young man totally capable and completely in love with his Phii and yet ...

Kongpon swallowed and mumbled, "I am.."

Aroon was now sniffling, looking at Kongpob with eyes full of contempt. He shook his head slightly like he couldn't believe this is where he had ended up.

"I don't..what is it? Hmm? How come..all these weeks, these past months that I took care of him. I did everything for him without even ..I did everything wholeheartedly and when he fell sick..Nothing, nothing I did felt like it was working. And you..you come in..One day! And Bam! He's up and about, smiling and cheerful again! Why? What do you have that I don't? Hmm? Tell me! What did I do wrong?"

Kongpob made to hold young man's arm again, but Aroon shrunk back even as he screamed, "Tell me! What is it?!!"

"Aroon..it's not you. It's just timing..it's fate. I ..I was just there first."

"You were there first? ..But you are married!!"

Kongpob snorted, "Don't I know it? Look Aroon, I know how it feels. I know how consuming it is to be in love with that man, you feel like you can't breathe without him, like there's this constant throbbing pain when you are away..Everything around you feels empty, nothing makes sense anymore. I know what it feels like..the stabbing pain in the chest, that you seem to get used to after a while..And..and when you are finally with him..it's like.."

The Suthiluck heir swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. The pain he has felt in the past four months of separation had etched itself into his memory, he realized. Aroon couldn't help as he breathlessly started crying once again. The words hitting him home..

Kongpob closed hiseyes and firmly grabbed the sobbing man towards him, as he patted his back inwhat he thought was a soothing gesture. When he had seen the affection thatAroon had felt towards Arthit, he had not liked it one bit. He had taken outhis anger at the young man ever since he had met him first set eyes on himyesterday. But now, sensing the genuine emotions of the man, all Kongpob feltwas a sort of comradery. Now, as he held Aroon, Kongpob only hoped and prayedwith all his heart that time would finally heal the pain that the young man wasexperiencing.

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AN: You will be glad to know that we will be moving on from now and solutions..will start appearing.

Take care, my lovelies

Toodloos!