[🌞] ship : sirius black + remus lupin [💭] genre : angst + fluff [🍒] relationship : friends to lovers [✨] warnings : mental breakdowns plus self deprecating thoughts [🕊]word count : 1k+ words [💌]not requested
please go check out everything goes from namjoons/rm's solo album mono above⤴️,it's a really comforting song and i just thought it fit wolfstar,so yeah ( ' ▽ ' )b
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.˚ ┊🗒 ❛ Instead of unclear words saying to have strength,Instead of the lies that it's all just the way things are,Just like all these winds it will pass ❜ ꒱
sirius was staring out of the window next to his bed,tapping the glass as he leaned closer to it,completely lost in his own world as he stared into the dark of the night.
he didn't want to think about the letter he was bound to get as soon as he entered the great hall for breakfast the following morning
alas,that was all he could think about at the moment,his own brain betraying him as he felt himself becoming more anxious
his family made it a tradition to send a letter to him once a week just to remind him how much of a disgrace and disappointment he was,as if he didn't already knew that himself
although he unfortunately could admit that he had gotten used to his families constant belittlement,the letters had increasingly been getting worse everytime they sent one,letters that started out as passive aggressive had turned to plain death wishes.
his friends and even his brother,regulus,had profusely convinced him to let them see the contents of the letters,followed by him refusing each time,saying that it was merely words and that there was nothing to worry about
sirius never liked lying to his loved ones,but he felt like he had to in order for him to try and convince himself that words were merely words as well,he was failing in doing so however,because those words did hurt him,
as he was distracted by his looming thoughts he didn't realize the brown eyes of his best friend staring at him from afar,worry etched on his face as he slowly got up from his bed and headed towards the smaller.
remus carefully put his hands on the latters shoulders,shaking it slightly as he rested his head in the crook of his neck.
"moony,what're you doing up?" sirius turned his head to look at him,remus backed away slightly,his hands resting on sirius' waist as he looked down at him.
"i should ask you the same question paddy,what's wrong..is it your family again?"
"bold of you to assume there is anthing wrong remmy"
sirius laughed but it died down immediately when he saw remus cocking his eyebrow with an unimpressed look on his face,he clearly wasn't taking any of his bullsht
sirius averted his eyes from remus',staring out of the window instead,sighing loudly as he fiddled with his fingers.
remus gently grabbed both of sirius hands and held them firmly,his thumbs caressing sirius' bruised knuckles as they both stood there,engulfed in silence
"you don't have to tell me if you don't want to siri...you feeling comfortable is more important,so don't force yourself,alright?
sirius rested his head on remus' chest,the latter's heartbeat calming him as remus moved to embrace him,his hands drawing circles on sirius' back.
"i..im scared remmy"
sirius blurted out,hiding his face in his hands,feeling ashamed of how shaky his voice sounded as he tried to stop the tears that were threatening to fall down his face
sirius slowly slid down from remus' embrace,sitting down in a crouched position as he hid his face in his hands,muffling his small sobs.
"i-i can't do it remmy...it hurts..why does it hurt so much...why am i such a disappointment"
remus' felt his heart shatter as it ached painfully,water pooling in his eyes as he quickly crouched infront of the smaller,pulling him into his lap as he engulfed him into a tight hug,the latters head resting on his shoulder.
his heart twisted painfully,feeling sirius tremble in his embrace,it hurt him so much to see the person that he loved so much,suffer through things he didn't deserve to go through,nobody does.
remus whispered sweet nothing's in his ear,caressing the latters long unruly locks
"siri,baby..i love you so much..you don't deserve any of this..you deserve the whole world..you're no disappointment"
remus took a deep breathe before continuing,his hand moving to draw circles on the latters back again.
"you're the most loyal,generous, funniest,prettiest and bravest person i know.you're like the light seeping in through a rainy day,you're the shoulder everyone can lean on,your family are a bunch of assholes who only care about blood status,but you accept everyone for who they are"
he looked down at sirius,gently raising his head to look at him,sirius averted his eyes.
"hey..paddy,please look at me"
remus wipped away the latters still running stream of tears,kissing his nose slightly,followed by little pecks to his whole face.
"i know people in the black family say different,but you can lean on people,lean on me,im willing to give you the world if you just,let me in,i care about you siri,more than anyone"
"i want to love you,i want to protect you,i want to grow old with you and yell at children that are playing in our yard"
sirius chuckled slightly,a small smile dancing on his lips as he stared back into remus' beautiful eyes.
"did you just..confess your undying love to me?"
remus' face flushed,trying to look anywhere but sirius' eyes,internally face palming himself,he just obliviously confessed to his best friend like an idiot.
"s-so what i-if i did??"
he felt himself burn with embarrassment as he closed his eyes shut,what if sirius didn't feel the same way?what if he rejected him?
the smaller smiled wider,pulling the others head down to face him as he placed a small peck on his cheeks.
"i love you too beautiful..thank you..i needed this..and i,think you're pretty too,but im still prettier though so don't get too hyped up"
remus opened his eyes,feeling butterflies in his stomach dance happily,he smiled the biggest smile sirius had ever seen as he pulled sirius into another hug.
the two boys spent the rest of the night just lying on sirius bed,they didn't know what their relationship had turned into,but they were ready for what was to come with it.
eventhough sirius was still terrified of the letter he was going to receive,he felt safe knowing that remus would be right by his side,cheering him on.
everything goes,this uneasiness in him will go away too and find it's place in his life.
👁️👄👁️ man i really need to stop using "as ___" im sorry for annoying you guys with that,english isn't my first languange too so im sorry if some,sentences are off
i hope you guys enjoyed this ! (●´w')♡thank you so much for reading,please let me know if you have any requests,or a part 2 to this even
