LOVE OR HOPE?

Chapter Nineteen

"I don't want to live: but I'm scared to die" - Unknown.

Hey: kennyrosela

I went closer to the windows and I saw a black car pull up in front of the house. Tracey and Mia dropped out if it. It was familiar, It looked like Patricia's.

They were soon knocking loudly, weakly, I got up and slowly opened the door for them.

"Hey" I muttered.

"Jeez,Hey." Mia replied,antonished. She was probably surprised with how the house looked like a mess and I wasn't looking any better.

"We got your text." Tracey said,brushing her hair neatly as they walked in. She looked around and the look on her face showed that she was clearly disgusted.

I had bowls of cereals on the dining table that I had left unwashed and other plates of food that looking at it now,I can't fully remember what the content could have been. The sofas were wrongly positioned and some of the dining chairs were sprawled upside down. I was a mess too,I haven't combed my hair for days and I had my fading pyjamas on. So yes,I could understand the plight of my friends.

"Yes. Thanks for coming even if it seems like your mum's around and I had to just ruin your once-in-a-while moment with her." I dragged.

"It's okay, really. " She rolled her eyes."Mia was with me anyways."

"Yep." Mia pushed in her glasses."Now can you please tell us why you haven't been in school for a week and why this place looks so-" She shakes her head dissapprovingly and looked around once again.

"I have something to tell you guys."

"Speaking of that,Do you know that Tracey still has a crush on Norman?"

"MIA!" Tracey whined and glared at her.

"What?" She shrugged and looked at me,innocently. "I'm not lying now or am I?"

This was really none of my business and nothing related to the burden on my mind. Norman was the last thing in my mind that I would want to talk about.

"You can't judge her. We have the right to love whoever we want, whether it's the right guy or wrong guy. Just that you'll bear the next consequence alone." I stated,my words were coming out slowly like it took so much efforts to process them in my head.

"Yep. You will!"

"I won't. I'll make him love me again,just watch."

" You're sounding like a psycho,Tracey. Norman is really not worthy of the time."

"I told her the same thing,Aly."

Tracey rolled her eyes. "You are only saying that because it was easy for him to love you and he still does."

"He does?" Mia raised an eyebrow.

"I'd like to think so. Even after Aly told literally the whole school that she wouldn't ever date Norman,I still see the way he stares at her. He's hurt but feelings don't fade that quickly." Tracey shrugged.

"Well if you know that,why go on with your so called love?" Clearly,Mia just couldn't understand her,I didn't too but I was rather contemplating on going to the kitchen to get more popcorn. I need sugar.

"Because it's love?"

"Love doesn't exist." I blurted,my head ached briefly. Tears filled my eyes unconsciously,this now happens very often these days. Every step I make in this house reminds me of one trauma or the other and I break down again- this mean that I either sit on the floor with my knees tightly clutched to my chest and let go of the tears I've been holding on or anger churns inside of me and I have this raging urge to destroy everything around me which literally explains why the house looks this messy.