16 Months

Bikini Box

"I have chosen to shower myself in forgiveness. I have decided to bathe myself in absolute breathtaking love."

- Alison Malee

——

As both had somewhat expected, things were still pretty awkward and tense between them at first. Neither of them expected to be able to jump back into this relationship and have it be all sunshine and rainbows again—they knew that pain was a necessary part of healing. Still they wanted to be able to put the time they had spent away from each other in the past, and fully savor both their present and their future together.

Camila had been released from the hospital the day after the incident. Shawn had taken her home and Natalia was more than thrilled when she found out that they were finally back together. Shawn brought his stuff, which still sat in a box in his car, back into Camila's house where it belonged—and for the most part, everything was good.

Except for the fact that it wasn't. Even after a week of being back together they still hadn't been together again intimately. Things had definitely gotten hot and heavy a few times, but she had always stopped them before they could go all the way. Shawn knew why; he knew why and he hated himself for it. He always tried to live his life with no regrets, but looking back at the month that he spent apart from the woman he loved he could come up with six things, or rather people, that he genuinely regretted.

One night as things were getting particularly steamy between the two of them, Camila once again put her hands on his chest and gently pushed him off of her—his lips reluctantly releasing their suction on the soft skin of her neck.

"Sorry," she sighed breathlessly. "I want to, I just...I don't know."

"It's ok. Just tell me what you need from me," he said as he caressed her flushed cheek. "What can I do to help you feel comfortable with me again?" Camila sighed, averting her gaze to the wall. "I'm not just asking because I want to have sex with you," he clarified. "I mean, don't get me wrong—I'd love to. But what concerns me more is the fact that you don't feel like you can be that vulnerable with me anymore. How do I earn your trust back?" She brought her attention back to him as he gently rested his forehead against hers, sighing in defeat.

"It's not that I don't trust you. I do trust you." She lightly squeezed his bicep reassuringly. "I know you, and I know that you would never do anything like that while we're together." He nodded, confirming that he was in fact fiercely loyal to Camila. "I just...I don't like knowing that they got to touch you and feel you and...taste you the same way I did."

"Trust me," Shawn cooed. "They were nothing like you..."

"But they still got what's mine." The coldness of her response stung a little bit, but he understood why she was upset.

"Tell me how I can help," he asked once again. "I don't want there to be any tension between us...I want to do things right this time." Camila sighed and covered her face with her hands, knowing that what she needed could very possibly just make things worse between them.

"Just...promise me you won't be offended?" she asked, her voice muffled by her small hands that were still covering her face. Shawn gently grasped her wrists, uncovering the face that he loved so much.

"I promise," he whispered as their eyes reconnected. Camila took a deep breath as she laced their fingers together.

"Would...would you mind getting tested?" she finally asked. Shawn's brows furrowed slightly, but she was unable to decipher if it was due to confusion, anger or empathy. "It's not that I don't trust you, I do trust you..."

"But you don't trust them...?" Shawn said, finishing her thought. She nodded timidly as he leaned down to place a quick kiss to the tip of her nose. "I can do that," he said as his large hand came up to lightly cup her cheek. "And for the record, I'm not offended—but I do wish you would've felt more comfortable with telling me what was wrong." The pad of his thumb softly brushed against her cheekbone. "If we're going to do things right this time, we can't have any secrets. If you're struggling with anything, I need you to know that you can come to me and I'll help you through it." His lips made quick contact with the cheek he had just caressed. "...and I know you'd do the same for me." Camila sighed in relief and leaned into his touch, her eyes instinctively closing as she found peace in the moment.

Later that evening as they sat on the couch eating Chinese takeout and watching more episodes of Friends, Shawn decided it was the perfect time to give Camila the gift he had been working on since they had gotten back together. He set his food down on the coffee table and stood up, making his way to the guest room and retrieving a small box that had been wrapped and tied with a bow.

"What's the occasion?" Camila asked as Shawn set the gift in her lap.

"No special occasion per se," Shawn explained. "Just wanted to do something fun for you...for both of us." Camila carefully untied the ribbon and unwrapped the paper before pulling the lid off of the box.

"A bikini? Really babe?" she said as she teasingly rolled her eyes and held up the two tiny pieces of fabric.

"It's not just a bikini!" he said defensively. "There's something else in the box..." Camila looked down to see a small envelope taped to the bottom of the box. She pulled it off and opened it up. Inside was a copy of her list, but in Shawn's handwriting. Items number 3, 9, 12 & 13 had already been crossed off, but she noticed that some of the numbers had little stars next to them.

1. Go Bungee Jumping
6. Ride Horses on the Beach
10. Ride in a Helicopter
16. Shower in a Waterfall

Behind the list was another folded up piece of paper. She curiously unfolded it to see that it was a printed out confirmation for two tickets to Hawaii.

"Wait...what?!" she said in shock. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Shawn nodded excitedly as she threw her arms around his neck.

"We'll be there for a week, and as long as you're feeling up to it...we'll be able to scratch off four things from your list by the time we leave."

"I've always wanted to go to Hawaii..." she said quietly as she looked down at the list in her lap. "Once we get back there will only be eight things left on the list."

The change in her tone wasn't lost on Shawn. The list she had made was the sixteen things she wanted to do with the sixteen months that she supposedly had left. Sure, they were knocking items off the list pretty quickly—but still, as the list diminished it began to sink in that maybe she would soon too. Shawn reached forward and took her hands into his, bringing both of them up to his lips and kissing them.

"We're going to have so much fun," he breathed as he rested his forehead against hers. "And you're going to look damn good in that bikini." A wide smile quickly spread across Camila's face before leaning forward and pressing her lips against his.

"I love you," she whispered against his lips.

"I love you more."