16 Months

How We End

"To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die."

- Thomas Campbell

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Camila's eyes were glazed over as she laid on the couch - voices of Shawn, Natalia, and her family echoing around her. Everyday she got weaker and weaker; everyday it got harder and harder for her to breathe. She spent everyday enduring the pain of herself slowly dying with no sign of getting new lungs anytime soon. Natalia and Camila's family spent more and more time at her and Shawn's place and although they'd always just say that it was because they wanted to see her, she knew that it was actually because they knew she didn't have much time left with them. She looked over at Shawn as the other's talked, his eyes meeting hers as he immediately realized that something was wrong.

"Hi baby," he said quietly as he squatted next to where she lay on the couch. "Are you okay?" Camila shook her head and sniffled.

"Can you help me get to bed? I don't really want to be around everyone right now," she sighed sadly. Shawn nodded and helped her up off of the couch. He put one of her arms around his shoulder and wrapped his own around her waist as they slowly made their way back into their bedroom. Her joint and muscle pain had become so extreme that even moving from the living room to the bedroom was a near impossible task for her, even with her boyfriend's help. Still she refused to let him carry her - she was adamant that she needed to at least try. By the time they finally got to their bed she was gasping for air. They had gotten a breathing machine from the hospital that she could use from home, but she hated it. She only used it when absolutely necessary and even then it was typically Shawn insisting that she use it.

"Come on, lay down." Shawn pulled back the blankets and helped her into bed, pulling the blankets up and tucking her in shortly after. He noticed her chest dramatically rising and falling as she struggled to catch her breath, so he decided to get out her breathing machine.

"I don't need that," she huffed.

"Just use it for a little bit. Please? Just until your breathing regulates a bit more..." As much as she wanted to be strong on her own, she also hated to see how much pain it caused Shawn to see her struggle, so she agreed to let him hook her up to the machine. He placed the large mask over her face and turned the device on. It was incredibly uncomfortable, but she did appreciate the relief it brought when it came to her lungs. "Do you want me to have them go home?" he asked. She nodded and closed her eyes for a bit as she focused on her breathing.

"Hey guys," Shawn said as he stepped back into the living room, getting their attention. "She, um...she wants to be alone right now..." They all quietly nodded and stood up to leave, each of them giving Shawn a hug before they left. When Shawn made his way back into their bedroom he immediately slid beneath the blankets on the other side of the bed, moving as closely to his girlfriend as he could. She turned her head slightly to look at him, her small hand moving up to softly caress his face. He couldn't help but smile when he felt her gentle touch against his skin. With her breathing now regulated, he carefully pulled her breathing mask off and kissed her lips. As he opened his eyes and pulled away, the tears brimming in her eyes were evident.

"Hey," he whispered. "Don't do that."

"I hate when they all come over at once," she sniffled. "It feels like everyone is just sitting around waiting for me to die."

"They're just trying to take advantage of the time they have with you. They mean well, I promise."

"I know they do," she sighed. "It's just easier for me to convince myself that I'll make it through this when they're not acting like I have mere minutes left of my life." Shawn sighed and pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arms around her body. Each time he held her in his arms he would take the opportunity to commit the feeling to memory. No matter what happened, he never wanted to forget what it felt like to hold her in his arms. "Shawn...what if it is like...really soon? Sooner than we think?"

"It won't be," he said confidently, emotion breaking through his voice.

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do. You have too much left to do to leave us that soon. We haven't finished your list yet and-"

"Shawn," she interrupted him. "I'm dying...quickly. We haven't had any progress with the lung transplant. You and I both know we're not going to have time to finish that list." Shawn shook his head as tears rolled down his cheeks.

"No, we have to finish it," he said adamantly. "And there's so much you and I have to do...we're supposed to get married and have babies. We're...we're not supposed to end like this."

"You're the love of my life," Camila sadly sighed as she buried her face against his shoulder. "Promise me you'll never forget that." Shawn squeezed his arms tighter around her, his quiet sobs shaking his body.

"I promise," he choked out. "I'm so in love with you." They held each other silently for several minutes, enjoying the feeling of being so close.

"I'm gonna haunt the shit out of you," Camila said against his shoulder, causing them both to laugh through their tears. They'd both willingly admit that their sense of humor had gotten much darker as Camila's condition worsened. They needed it, though. If they couldn't laugh about the tough stuff they'd be even more miserable.

"Honestly? I'd really appreciate getting to hang out with ghost you." He leaned in and kissed her lips once more, her small hand coming up to wipe away his tears when she pulled away.

"I'm really sleepy. I think I'm gonna take a nap."

"Okay," he said with a nod. "Do...do you mind trying to wear the breathing mask while you sleep?"

"I can try," she cooed. She might've hated the breathing machine, but she loved him - and if it gave him peace of mind to know that she was getting breathing assistance while she slept than she was willing to try for him. He helped situate the mask back onto her face and turned the machine back on as her eyes slowly fluttered shut. He kept his eyes on her as she slept. He couldn't deny that he was also exhausted, but he could never bring himself to sleep at the same time as her. He was too worried that something would happen while she slept. He needed to be awake to keep an eye on her. His fingers lazily brushed through her long hair as it was splayed out across her pillow, his eyes admiring her delicate facial features.

About an hour into her nap, her cellphone started ringing from her bedside table. He got up off of the bed and took the phone out into the hallway to answer it. When he came back into the bedroom, he saw that Camila was now awake and had taken the breathing mask off.

"Who was it?" she asked as she eyed her phone in his hands. His eyes were filling with tears and his mouth was slightly agape.

"Camila..." he said quietly. "Baby, they have lungs for you. You're getting a lung transplant."

"I'm getting new lungs? Like...soon?" she asked in disbelief, tears also filling her eyes. He nodded happily.

"Yeah, baby. You're getting new lungs...really soon." He quickly made his way over to her bedside and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly as they both cried - this time with tears of joy and relief. "I told you," he said against her neck. "I told you this wasn't going to be how we end."