" Do you want to go on a drive?" Benji asked.
It was 11 pm, benji and I were playing video games in my bed.
I shrugged.
"Sure." I said.
He picked up his keys, they rattled and we walked out the door.
We got into his car and he started playing 3 am by finding hope.
It was a nice song, it's pretty calming.
Baby it's 3 am
Had you on my mind
And it's not the first time
We've gone through this
I swayed my head to the music, letting my hand fall out the car window, catching the flowing breeze.
"We should play a game." Benji said, stopping at the red light.
"Like what?" I asked, looking over to him.
"I don't know. I just feel like being deep." He said, looking at me, expecting for me to suggest a game.
I shrugged.
"Here, I'll just say some things and you say some things. I'm sure you'll catch on." He said.
I stifled a laugh.
"Okay."
"So, I heard this thing, that you have the face of the person you love the most. Ever since I've heard that I've just began to love myself way more. Why should I hate myself so much when I loved this - this body in a past life!" He explained, starting the car back up since the light had turned green.
I nodded.
"Wow. That's cool actually." I said.
It went quiet.
"Jorge." He said.
"Yeah." I replied.
"It was supposed to be your turn." He laughed.
I smacked my forehead.
"Fuck, you're right. Ummm let me think." I said.
"Think? Shit, when did you learn how to do that?" He teased, poking me in my side.
I rolled my eyes, swatting his hand away.
His hand was really warm.
"Fine! You know what I think about? Huh? I live on this planet, and I've seen a lot of places, but it's impossible for me to see everyone single place on this planet. Isn't that insane? I'll live here for approximately eighty-sum-years right? Yet I'll never be able to see every single place on earth." I said.
He ran his hand through his hair. Watching him do it made me want to as well.
Yeah well, I'm sure your friend wouldn't appreciate you touching his hair.
Whatever.
"That's- I never thought of that. That made me sad actually." Benji spoke.
I nodded.
"Same."
"Alright, well, what if pets actually can talk but they are too afraid to? It's like bitch you live in my house, I feed you, water you,-"
"like a fucking plant!" I laughed, interrupting him.
He laughed.
"Okay! Okay! Look, I feed you, I give you water , is that better your highness?" He asked, looking at me.
I blushed, but stuck my nose up in response.
"But I give you everything you could possibly want, the least you could do is gift me with your speech! Right?" He asked.
I laughed, holding my hand over my mouth.
"Benji you're so stupid." I said, calming myself down.
I looked towards him and he was smiling to himself.
Why did god have to gift him the most gorgeous smile I've ever seen?
"Hmm. Well, what if soulmates fully exist, but because I'm too poor to see the whole world, I'll never meet mine. What if I'm lonely forever?" I asked.
He was quiet.
"I think you just aren't looking." He said, under his breath.
"Hmm?" I asked.
He shook his head.
"Well, I think I'm going to change the subject a bit. Did you know every time I think of something remotely bad that could happen to anyone I love, I have to Knock on something three times, say ' I'm sorry I didn't mean that' and explain why I thought what I just thought to myself? I walk over eggshells for my damn self." He said.
"Damn. Benji, you know no matter the amount of times you knock on something will prevent anyone from hurting? It's normal to think like that, I promise you aren't alone." I said.
Benji looked at me, then looked back at the road, pulling into a gas station parking lot.
"You think so?" He asked.
"Yes, I'm sure. Don't stress too much about it , okay?" I asked.
He nodded
"Your turn." He said.
I shook my head.
"I have nothing left." I shrugged.
"Bullshit. Go." He said.
I sighed.
"You know what I do? I stay in my room and sleep all day, and wake up just to eat a small meal. Friends ask me to hang out and I reject them, because why would I want to pretend to be happy? It'll just make me feel worse. I stoped doing the things I love and I act out irrationally. I hurt in silence every single day, and I pray to god that someone loves me enough to notice I'm not being myself. And you know what I get? Nothing. Guess no one loves me, huh?" I rambled, bringing myself to tears in the end.
Benji just stared at me.
Great, now I've freaked him out.
And then I heard him start to cry.
I turned my head to him.
"Jorge." He said, looking to me.
"Why do you think I asked you to go on this drive tonight?" Benji said.
I hadn't realized it, but benji had planned for me to tell him something was wrong.
I looked to my shoes.
"Jorge, I love you so fucking much. I don't know if you love me that way, but I promise you, I loved you enough to notice. My whole life would be so absolutely miserable if there was no Jorge garay." Benji said.
At this point, I had to say fuck it.
I looked up to his face.
His tears were streaming down his face.
I leant in close, and kissed his lips.
It was exactly as I'd imagined it.
It was soft, and warm, although a little salty from tears, but I didn't mind.
He pulled back.
"I love you. I don't want you to think that no one is there for you, or that you're alone. I'm here, I'm right here."
On the car drive home I had two weights lifted off my shoulders.
I finally told my best friend about how awful I felt.
And I don't have to hide my feelings for him anymore.
