Autophobia - (Vkook)

18

(A/N: keep in mind that I don't fix my spelling or grammar errors)

Taehyung's pov

Though I the whole day only went around thinking about Jungkook and all the damage I'd caused, I still couldn't help but worry about what was coming next. The club. I started to question why I in the first place said yes to the whole club thing.. I knew for a certain that places like clubs were the ones who really kicked my phobia in line, so why am I really doing this? Is this the way I'm deciding to kill myself..? Or is it mainly because I want to focus on something else besides Jungkook? I didn't know for sure but at the end of the day, if I end up all expresso depresso like I always do after visiting public places, I might as well only blame myself for it.

"Taehyung-ah, you ready yet?", Jimin exclaimed in the background.

"Yeah we need to go now if you don't want to stay there until late", Jin hyung shouted from the other side of the apartment.

"Mm, coming..", I halfheartedly answered before turning off the lights in my room entering the hallway with my head hanging low.

"Hey Taehyung", Seokjin said while walking towards me. "You don't have to worry. It'll be fine okay?"

I looked up at him and gave him a weak smile. What have I gotten myself into... I thought before all of us exited the apartment and made our way towards what now would be described as my death. By now I had realized that the possibility of Jungkook being there was little, but the weird feeling in my stomach told me a different story. The idea of him being there made me even more nervous and uncomfortable than the thought of clubbing, especially since I wasn't very well dressed at all. I was wearing a wide pair of black pants with a white tee that was slightly oversized. Being real, the only part of my outfit that looked fancy was probably only my white pair of sneakers that I had bought a few years back. The thought of him thinking I looked ugly really affected me somehow. Would it sound stupid to say he maybe would erase me from his life because I was ugly...? Omg.. I really sound like a fucking idiot. This is probably why people find my annoying, because all my excuses sound so fucking dumb. "Jungkook will leave me because I'm ugly, Jimin will leave because I'm too self centered, Seokjin will leave me because I'm too lazy", like jeez, give me a break you stupid moron.

"Okay Tae that's enough. Don't think we can't see what you're doing right now"

I looked up at Jimin who was about to enter the car which would drive us to the club. I didn't realize up until now how I was slowly zoning out like I always did when I overthought stuff. Stupid.. was the last comment I gave myself before climbing into the car all silent.

As we entered the club the lights drastically hit my eyes over and over. I covered them slightly before following after my roommates further in towards to bar. Halfway there we met up with the rest of the group who handed over a few beers. I looked around for a bit fidgeting with me hands while biting on the inside of my mouth. As Hoseok handed over a beer my trembling hands took it and I slowly inspected the bottle. I had never drunk alcohol before and the thought of being in such an unsafe place doing it for the first time tensed me up. Shit this is a bad idea... I really wanna go home 

"Cheers y'all! Let's have a good time now!" Namjoon shouted over the ear-piercing music, raising his bottle towards the roof. 

I slowly raised my bottle as well and smiled weakly, something the rest didn't notice though since they were too busy celebrating. I brought the bottle closer to me again, giving it a light sniff which quickly sent shivers down my spine. The smell was intense and almost unbearable I thought as it made my nose sting. I shook my head hoping that all of my stress would go with it, squeezed my eyes close and gulped the liquid down. I coughed a little bit holding my throat as the alcohol made its way down my body.