Yesterday's You |18+|

Chapter 36

What the hell that I was thinking when I kissed him back? Why didn't I push him away? Why I devoted myself to him once again? Why I accepted him when I realized for the fact that he was lying?

I looked at the mirror in the washroom, running my index finger on my lips. Weird that I still could feel the warmth and softness of his lip. Seconds later, I was slapped back to reality and I realized what I did was not appropriate and I decided to take a break, walking at the garden behind the hall.

It's a full moon when I gazed at it as soon as I arrived at the beautiful garden of the grand hall. Quite a number of people that I knew were talking and having fun there. I merely carved a light smile when I saw a couple was kissing and other couples were enjoying their nights together.

I kept rubbing my arms continuously because of the coldness of the night that made me goosebumps. Later, someone put his blazer on top of me. When I turned my head to look for the person, it was Chris.

"Thanks," I whispered when he stood beside me.

"It's a full moon," he looked at the sky.

"Yeah. It's beautiful," I exclaimed.

"Take a lover who loves the moon, for he'll know how to love you when you're not so full," he said as his eyes were set on me.

I was so shocked that he still could remember the sagacious saying of Mansi. "I want to escape from you so why are you coming here?" I asked with a soft voice.

He was hesitant for a while and kicking the grass before he turned his head to his left to look at me. "You still don't believe me, don't you?" He asked hopelessly.

I was muted by his question. Yes, I had trust issues after that incident and yes, I still love him as the Chris that I used to know. "Which part that you don't understand? We fought and that dance and kiss didn't change anything," I elevated the volume of my voice but still maintained it to the necessary level so it didn't bother others.

He turned his body so we were confronting each other. "It was all for you, Grace," he uttered slowly. "If I told you, you wouldn't believe me."

"So tell me!" I insisted. "Stop beating around the bush just because you don't want me to know the truth because it's annoying!"

"I can't, Grace," he answered.

"Look, Chris. We are over. I have new plans and none of those things involves you anymore! Okay? None of them," I was lying. I had made a plan and I hope he was willing to be part of that plan too. "I want to go to college in NYU and pursue a career related to journalism and be successful without you having my back!" I added. He was silent and clenching his jaw. "And yes, I loved you. Not until I realized all those things between us are faux and my feelings for you weren't reciprocated because you didn't have a slight feeling towards me. So I ask you, after all the things that happened, do you think I can forgive you and believe you the same way I did before?"

He sighed. "No," he said regretfully.

"Great," Inside me was shattered to see him sad and frustrated.

"But we can fix it. I can improve for the betterment of our relationship," Chris said. Yes, I would love too.

"No. We can't," I replied. I could not lower my ego for this guy. "It's a dead end. I was intoxicated by you. I was blind to see anything you hide from me even right now. I don't know your intention, Chris. And you can't force me to understand you."

"I'm sorry, that was really terrible on my part," he exclaimed.

"Just go chase whatever you want, whatever you dream of. Go make Phoebe happy and stop forcing me to go back to you, okay?" I insisted again.