from my head to my middle finger

08 it'll get better

Frank had been drinking again, but it wasn't enough to numb the pain.

He had screwed it all up. His sobriety, his longest relationship and possibly the only friend he had. He knew he couldn't do it sober, and started considering what he couldn't do just weeks ago.

It would be the best for everyone.

No one would miss him.

He was sure that was what everyone wanted, including himself. There was no point in hurting any more people.

If only he was brave enough.

He was planning on drinking until he got the courage or his body finally shut down.

Then, his door opened. It was Gerard, who else?

Swollen cheek and black eye, he came in the room, and found Frank in bed, sobbing. 'Are you okay?'

'Does it look like I'm okay?' Frank mumbled.

'I'm so sorry.' Frank noticed Gerard was crying already. 'I just needed to apologize. I shouldn't have done –'

Frank interrupts him. 'No. It wasn't your fault. I flirted with you since you came back, and I provoked you. You didn't have a boyfriend or whatever, I did. And I fucking ruined it.'

'Still – I shouldn't have.'

'Stop apologizing! It was all me!'

And then, he was crying again, and Gerard had no choice but to sit with him and comfort him. The moment his arms were around Frank, he leaned in his chest, his tears falling on his shirt. 'It's okay, it's going to be okay,' Gerard assured him.

'No. I screwed it up. I fucked it all up! I don't even know why you're here!' He started yelling at him. 'WHY ARE YOU HERE?! IT'S MY FAULT YOU HAVE A BLACK EYE!'

'Can you fucking stop it?!' Gerard yelled back, grabbing him by the arms, and staring straight in his eyes. 'It's not your fault! I was an idiot for kissing you in front of your boyfriend!'

'And I was the idiot who was trying to get you to kiss me! And now I don't have a boyfriend, and I miss him, and –' He couldn't finish the sentence because he started sobbing again. Gerard has to hold him to keep him from falling, and just let him cry until he falls asleep.

Once he was sound asleep, Gerard tried to get up to go back to his own bed, but Frank pulled his arm. 'No – please stay with me tonight.'

And he had no choice but to stay.

The following morning, Gerard called in sick to work. He didn't want to show up with a black eye, and a hangover. But most importantly, he didn't want to leave Frank alone.

He got up to have coffee ready, and take a shower before Frank woke up. Seeing as he was still in bed, he made breakfast for him – bagels with cream cheese and fruit – and the biggest cup of coffee.

The second Frank woke up and saw Gerard there, he frowned. 'I'm sorry about your face,' he said.

'Stop apologizing.'

He handed him the tray of food, and sat next to him to make sure he ate. They watched a movie, and Gerard let him cry on his shoulder, just like he had done before. 'Is that offer to be friends still up?' Frank asked.

'You know you don't even have to ask.' He put an arm around Frank to hug him.

'Thank you. I might need it.' He looked up at Gerard. 'I'm admitting myself into rehab.'

Gerard didn't know what to say.

'I can't do this alone.'

'I'm glad you're asking for help.' He was. He wanted to see him healthy and happy more than anything, even though he'd miss him.

Frank let go of Gerard's arms to run to the bathroom and throw up. He did several times throughout the day, and Gerard sat next to him afterwards to watch movies and listen to music or just sit in silence.

The following morning, Frank was already calling the rehab center when Gerard woke up, and they hugged for the longest time, while Frank cried. He'd be leaving the next day, and stay there for at least two weeks. He called his parents to let them know, and started packing his stuff.

Gerard drove him to the center early in the morning. It was a couple hours away, somewhere north of New York, so they made the best of those two hours. 'You can stay at the apartment all you need,' Frank assured him. When they got there, Frank checked in and went to say goodbye to Gerard before getting admitted. 'I guess we'll see each other later,' Frank said with a smile. It was sad, but it was genuine. 'I'm gonna miss you.'

'I'm gonna miss you too,' Gerard told him. 'But it'll be for the best.'

'I'll be calling you every day. You know, to keep you updated.'

'And I'll be waiting for your call.' There was a long pause. 'Can I visit you too?'

That caught Frank by surprise. 'I wouldn't ask you to. Are you sure?'

'Of course.' He hugged Frank one last time. 'It'll get better, okay?'

'I know.'