from my head to my middle finger

10 home sweet home

'Hey, you,' Frank said when he saw Gerard waiting outside the rehab center.

Frank looked better. His hair was getting longer and messy, and gaining weight. But the best part was that he was smiling, Gerard thought. 'Hey, you!' He put his arms around Frank, holding him tight. 'I missed you.'

'I missed you, too.'

'Let's go then.' Gerard helped him with his bags, and they got in the car. Frank chose the playlist, so it was mainly Misfits, but Gerard was okay with it.

Frank stared at the window for most of the drive, looking distant, which was understandable. Gerard knew he was better now that he was clean, but it wasn't easy, and he'd have to get used to it.

But again, Gerard was too anxious about the promise he made Frank.

He hadn't been able to stop thinking about it for the past two weeks. That's what made this homecoming even more exciting – scary. He had promised to give whatever they had a chance. It wasn't like he didn't like him or wanted to kiss him and cuddle next to him. Because that was all he wanted. But more than anything, he wanted to take care of Frank, make him feel loved.

When he looked at him, Frank was already fast asleep in the passenger seat.

They were halfway there, when they got hungry.

Gerard drove around the tiny town they were in, and saw a sign for a vegan diner in the middle of a strip mall, so he made a stop. Frank was still sleepy after his nap. Gerard gave him a hug before walking in, just because he looked too adorable.

They both ordered vegan mac & cheese and burgers. Gerard tried to start a conversation, but he didn't know what to talk about. He knew Frank hated it in there, and he'd probably not want to talk about it. 'So –,' Gerard started.

'It's okay,' Frank interrupted. 'We can talk about it. I just came out of rehab, it's not something we can't just ignore.' Gerard nodded. 'So ask whatever you want.'

'How was it?'

'It got better with time. After the detox, and once my head was done playing tricks on me, it was easier to put up with. And there were the dogs.'

'So you're better?'

'I think so. Yeah. It's going to take time.'

Gerard reached for his hand. 'I'm here for you.'

'I really appreciate it.' There was a long pause. Frank still looked serious, and was thinking his words carefully. 'That thing I said – about you and me –'

Gerard suddenly got scared he'd regret it. Now that he'd think about it for two weeks, he realized he wanted it too.

'We – don't have to – ,' Frank continued. 'I mean, I know it was a little insensitive.'

'You don't want it then?'

'Of course I do. But I've caused too much damage. To myself, to Bob, to you. I don't want to be that person anymore.'

'You are not. It was complicated in all parts.'

'I made it complicated.'

He was right, Gerard knew. But he wanted to make things right. 'What do you think about taking things slowly?' he asked. 'Holding hands. Getting to know each other. I feel like we don't know each other well.'

'I like that.' So, for the next hour, they talked about their favorite colors, TV shows, the schools they went to, and what they were scared of. They laughed, slapped each other playfully, and asked each other questions. Just like a first date.

Back in the car, before Gerard started the engine, Frank kissed him on the cheek, and took his hand.

When they made it home, Frank almost felt like it wasn't his apartment.

It was clean, for one. Immaculate. Gerard had even taken the liberty to rearrange some furniture, to make it seem like a different place, and bought a new couch. The old one brought memories not only to Frank, but him too.

He obviously threw away every bottle of alcohol he found, and went through Frank's drawers to look for drugs. It was all for his best.

'Thank you,' Frank said, almost in a whisper, and hugged him.

'Anytime.' Gerard kissed his forehead, and left the bags aside.

Frank still looked like he was sad, so Gerard showed him his next surprise. 'I bought a couple DVDs, so we're having a Disney marathon, and I got ice cream, and popcorn.' They watched toy Story, and shared kisses in between. It was different and new for both of them.

When it was time to sleep, Frank walked in his room, and then back out. 'I don't think I can do it. Can I sleep in your room?'

Gerard knew he'd say that. Gosh, he was hoping he would. 'Of course.'

They both lay in the bed, wearing sweatpants and t-shirts, and didn't say anything for a while. They said they wanted to take it slowly, and sleeping in the same bed after their first date wasn't slow. 'I just –,' Frank said. 'Back in rehab. I couldn't sleep. I'm not used to sleeping alone. Never have. There was always someone or maybe I was too drunk to care. But sober, never. It scares me.'

'I'm here.' He reached for his hand.

'I know.' He turned to his side, looking at Gerard. 'Why are you so good to me?'

'Because – you're a nice guy. You let me in your home. I've told you.'

'I'm not a nice guy.'

'I don't believe that for a second.'

Frank flipped him off. 'What about now?'

Gerard shook his head. 'You're just hurt.'

Frank was still looking at him as if he was the most precious thing ever. He caressed his face, his neck. He leaned in for a kiss, his lips lingering on Gerard's for a while, savoring him as if it was the first time. 'God – I fucking like you,' he said as he pulled apart. 'It's not my drunk brain. It's me. From my head to my middle finger, I really think I like you.'

Gerard kissed him again. 'You're so fucking corny.'

'I'm a fucking poet, you idiot.'

'I like that, to be honest.'

'I'd say my dick likes you too, but we haven't tried that yet.'

'Frank – what about going slow?'

'I know, we are.' Yet, he got on top of Gerard, a leg on each side of his torso, and started rubbing his bulge against Gerard's. 'Remember being young and having your first boyfriend or whatever? And getting off this because that was as far as you could get?'

Gerard laughs. 'I like this.'

'Me too.' They made out for a little while, clothes on all the time, just getting off the friction of their pajama pants, laughing at how absurd it was.

'I wish I could stay here for the rest of my life,' Frank said, cuddling in Gerard's arms. 'Safe.'

'Me too.'