West of Words (Alec Lightwood)

🗝 Chapter Thirty-Six 🗝

There is a satisfying sense of calm that Varian receives from a good spar.

The feeling of the Bo staff clicking against another and the control necessary to stop the staff inches from the bare skin of an opponent to gain an upper hand in the fight brought a sense of peace. It was good fun practicing by himself or with his baba  but facing against a Shadowhunter of high skill brought a new sense of satisfaction when a point is earned.

Clarissa watched on, as Varian paused the staff inches away from Izzy side that had been left open as she attempted a rather large swing. He smiled in victory.

"You keep your elbows to high, and feet to close." Varian commented in finality, spinning the staff over the back of his hand one, twice, before letting it transform back into a ring on his finger. "You are a fairly talented opponent Izzy, but I believe Clarissa would like to try again."

Varian instantly looked over at her in an apologetic way, setting a hand on his chest and restating the nickname that she went by. Varian turned to Izzy, bowing at the waist to thank her for the match, before turning on his heel in an attempt to continue to find Alec.

Aldertree was in the ops room, and from the look that he was giving Varian he was in disbelief that the Warlock was not already starting on the task requested of him.

Varian ignored the man, taking the long way through the Institute and honing in on the distinct feelings of Alec Lightwood. Though the emotions he radiated leaned more towards frustration than calmness, Varian still recognized it as Alec.

The man in question was tucked into a table in the corner of the library, and if Varian had the chance too he would wander the room for days just for the chance to see every Shadowhunter Codex and spell book that decorated the walls. Instead he moved through the shelves of the room towards the table, his steps light as to not disturb the concentration of Alec.

Varian admired him, the way his body looked as he hunched over the table, his shoulders drawn close together and his lips speaking inaudibly as he read through the words on the pages. It was an intimate setting, though not in the usual way. Alec did not look like the Shadowhunter he had been trained to be, instead he looked like a man trapped in the world of a good book.

"Alec." Varian's voice was soft, he reached his left hand out, brushing it against Alec's shoulder.

He tensed every so slightly at Varian's touch, before relaxing and leaning back. "How was Aldertree?"

"Rude, and he spoke in a threatening way." Varian said it in a careless tone, as if he was unbothered by it, when in fact it was the opposite. He added his other hand to Alec's shoulders, starting to kneed the muscles just below the skin, almost wincing at the tension he found there.

"I'm sorry." Alec's voice was slow, he leaned back into Varian's hands, relaxing into the massage that he was receiving. 

"Don't apologize." Varian muttered, "He's an arse, but I can handle it. I said I would help with the hunt for Jace to get him off my back, but I did not say who I would help."

Alec nodded, leaning his head back to rest on the top of the chair, his eyes looking up at Varian as he concentrated on kneading the knots in Alec's shoulders.

"Did you find anything else in the books?" Varian's asked.

Alec groaned a bit as Varian found a particularly large knot and worked it away with easy fingertips. "I want to track him through my Parabatai rune."

Varian's hands stilled and were gone from his shoulders quickly, a frown decorating his face as he shook his head. "And as I've said that is not a spell I am willing to perform."

Alec stood suddenly, the chair scratching as his legs pushed the chair away. He turned, his emotions turned yellow-pink, a form of excitement as he explained what he wanted to do, as if Varian did not already understand. "It's not a spell, it's a rune. I just need your magic for the pain."

Varian shook his head, trying to miss the angry look that Alec gave him. "I cannot help you with this. The rune will weaken your bond, you could loose him."

Alec's face turned angry, his aura darkening to a burgundy red. "Why can't you just do this one thing! After everything I've done for you!" Varian was fully aware that the anger that Alec felt was not actually directed towards him, but rather towards every other situation in his life. Alec threw his hands into the air in frustration, to punctuate the feelings that he felt.

Varian took a step backwards, flinching and lifting his hands to protect himself. A movement that he had not meant to make, but did anyways.

The moment that Alec realized what he had done, he tried to fix it, the burgundy turning to sky blue, he stepping forward and reaching a hand to him. Varian took another step back, looking at the hand like it would harm him, to many times had a hand offered to him under the guise of being helpful had turned into something aggressive. It was a programmed response.

Varian heart was beating fast, his hands shaking as they sat in the air between him and the memories of a man who had harmed him. Alec's face was no longer his, instead it was a Vampire that had caused so much anxiety and fear in him.

Varian turned, trying to calm his breathing as he found himself stumbling from the library, Alec's voice following him as he went. He could not leave the Institute despite his want to, and in his addled mind he found himself back in the now empty training room.

More than anything he wanted to curl into a ball in the corner of the room and wish himself some place else, but he pushed that feeling away as he took a seat in the center of the room. His magic would provide a sense of calm for him, he let his eyes fall shut and his hands rest palm up on his knees.

A faint purple glow started in his hands as he thought about Jace Wayland and the connection he had with the Shadowhunter's in the Institute. His mouth moved with faint inaudible words, a solemn chant repeated to narrow the magic.

"Jace Wayland, me quaerere te." Over and over again, a mental map spinning through Varian's mind.

The panic faded the more that he lost himself in the magic, and soon it was just Varian and the search for Jace.

~~~

Translations:

"Me quaerere te" = I seek you