West of Words (Alec Lightwood)

🗝 Chapter Forty-Five 🗝

Alec's energy flashed yellow and bright at Varian's words, his arm wrapping around Varian's shoulder as he led the way after the trailing form of Jocelyn Fairchild.

She was in the greenhouse, and Varian smiled as he looked around. Despite the terror of the impending conversation, Varian found comfort in the flowers and glass ceiling of the building. He promised himself that he would spend time in the greenhouse under better circumstances.

Jocelyn was not alone, Clarissa sat next to her, and Simon Lewis stood a few feet away, the arm of the Werewolf Luke Greymark around his shoulders.

"Jocelyn." Varian's throat was dry as soon as he spoke, and he coughed in a way of clearing it. She looked up, and Clarissa turned. Varian looked anywhere but the two of them, his eyes landed on the Vampire that had been his roommate for the past week.

"Mr. Bane." Jocelyn's voice was firm, and unemotional. "I've been meaning to thank you for waking me up, and to express my condolences at the news of Ragnor Fells death. Your father informed me of the connection that you and him had."

The condolences meant nothing, and the reminder of Ragnor's death was painful. The smile that Varian gives is terribly fake, his hand wrapping tighter around Alec's. "I am glad to reunite you with your family, Clarissa needed a win, in truth most of the Shadowhunters of the Institute did."

Jocelyn stood and started to close the distance between herself and Varian. He stepped back, his back bumping into Alec's chest. The curious look in Jocelyn's eyes alerted Varian to the fact that he was being analyzed, and he did not like it.

"I have been informed by my father that you are at least partially aware of who I am to you and your family." Varian said it like it was a briefing or a conversation with some higher up official, all information, no emotion. He squared his shoulders, and looked Jocelyn in the eyes for the first time. "I do not-"

Jocelyn interrupted him, her voice uncomfortable in Varian's ears as she used his first name. "Varian I-" she paused, noticing the tension but not bothering to correct herself. "I didn't recognize you at first. You've grown so much."

She continued to close the gap between herself and Varian despite the obvious discomfort that Varian felt in the action. Jocelyn stopped less than a foot away, and Varian knew that if not for Alec's hand on his back he would have run from the greenhouse. "Jocelyn-"

Jocelyn continued, ignoring the discomfort. "You can call me mom?" The air around her was yellow-blue, showed how truly honest she was in all of this, how sure she was with her words. It made Varian sick.

"And forget the seventeen years that I was abandoned, no Jocelyn." The anxiety turned into adrenaline, his eyes seemed to glow as the anger took hold. "You have no right to be in my life, and the only reason I am here now is so that Clarissa can know who I am."

Varian stepped to the left, his eyes moving to Clarissa and his face softened. "I am Varian, and I am your brother. Your twin to be more specific." Varian slowly started to walk forward, his hand dropping from Alec's to instead reach out to Clarissa. He would wait for her to take it, and she did a bright smile on her face though curiosity was in the air around her. "I want to get to know you, to be in your life, and I am sorry that we were ever separate."

"I have a twin." Her voice was full of shock and barely above a whisper.

Varian laughed once, "I use to look a bit more like you." As he spoke he left the mirage covering him fall. The color of his hair washed out and turned white, the little horns appearing just barely visible through the mass of hair. "When Ragnor named me his heir, I became a bit more like him, rather than you."

"I have a twin." She muttered it again, and Varian knew that it would take her a long time to wrap her head around the idea. Varian started to step away, but Clarissa's suddenly threw her arms around Varian, pulling him close and pressing her face into his shoulder. "I want to know everything."

Varian pat her back in an almost awkward way, her excitement overwhelming him easily. "Then we'll do coffee or something after everything is over little Red."

Clarissa pulled back, her smile still just as bright. "I'd like that."

Varian nodded, turning back to face Alec, his eyes entirely skipping over Jocelyn. "I have some ideas on how to track down Jace, and I'd like to get started as soon as possible." 

Jocelyn reached out to him, and without meaning to Varian took it as a threat. He lurched out of the range of her grip, his mind alerting himself that he was potentially in danger. His baba, and now newly Alec, were the only ones allowed to touch him without his permission, to much aggression growing up and touches that appeared soft turning to pain. He held his hand up, no magic accompanied the gesture, but her hand did drop.

"You do not get to touch me, you do not get to reach out to me. You are not my mother, and you are nothing to me." Varian knew that he was being much to aggressive, but it was how he truly felt. "Magnus Bane will be our point of contact, as well as Clarissa. I do not want to know you, and I do not want  you to know me."

Varian stepped around her, walking past Alec and grabbing his hand as he did. He hurried from the greenhouse, his footsteps painfully loud against the ground, echoing through the hollow building.

He broke down the second he stepped through the double glass doors marking the exit of the building, the tears streamed silently down his face as he turned into Alec, his face digging into the mans chest. Alec's arms like a blanket of protection around Varian as he held him tightly.

"I'm proud of you." Alec punctuated the declaration with a kiss to the top of Varian's head.

It wasn't the right word for the situation, as all that had gone down was heartbreaking and terrible, but that wasn't what Alec was trying to bring to light. He wanted to tell Varian that despite all of the anger that had come from his words he had told Jocelyn the truth no matter the pain that it brought either of them.

Varian found comfort in the declaration, despite its connotation.