The One With The Gun (TWAU)

Chapter 1: No Patience For Pranks

(FYI ALL OF THIS IS TAKING PLACE IN 2014 BECAUSE FUCK IT THAT'S WHY LOL) "Would anyone like to speak at this moment?" Cryer said. The Woodsman and Snow raised their hand but Woody raised his a little faster. "Woody, come on up," Cryer said, walking away from the front to the chairs. Woody walked up in front of all the fables and cleared his throat. He was dressed in quite the formal attire. A white dress shirt with a black blazer and red tie. He had beige slacks on with Bunyan's on his feet (J's on my feet ayy J's on my feet). "Yeah, me and the dog have never really gotten along that much. Hell, I didn't really like him but one of the memories I truly cherished was when he stood up for me at the Lucky Pawn," he confessed. A tear slid down his cheek as he cleared his throat, trying not to break. "We finally fought together instead of against each other...a-and I felt like he was a friend," he said, his voice cracking. He shook his head, wiping away his tears. "I miss the wolf, the wolf that protected us all like a real Sheriff would." Woody walked away from the podium and sat down, wiping his face with his sleeve. "Would anyone else want to speak?" Cryer asked. Snow raised her hand, sniffling and tears rushing down her face. "Come on up, Snow," the Fable taxi driver said. Snow walked to the podium in her sky-blue buttoned up shirt with a tear-stained black blazer. She had on a black skirt with red heels. Snow opened her mouth, trying to find her voice until she finally spoke. "Bigby was a great sheriff. You all probably know, but me and him were in love. He loved me dearly and I loved him more than anything. He....he was like a best friend to me as well. He always stood up for me when Crane would treat me like shit. I kinda treated him poorly too but still he never stopped loving me. He was my wolf, and I'll never forget what he did to save me." Miss White walked away, covering her wet face and sat on one of the chairs. How could this happen? She thought. How could this happen to Bigby?

(6 WEEKS EARLIER)
(APRIL 1, 2014)

"Aggg, fuck," Bigby groaned, seeing his entire office covered in Post-It notes. He started peeling the notes off of his desk and chair, rolling his eyes. Fuckin' Jack, he thought. He peered over his shoulder and saw the great prankster himself, laughing. "Surprise, Bigby!" Bigby walked up to him, angry and growling. "Do you think this shit is funny?" he asked. "Kinda," Jack smirked. Bigby stepped closer to Jack, clenching his teeth as his eyes turned yellow. Jack put his hands up, backing away slowly. "Hey hey hey, don't wolf out on me. It was just an April Fools prank," the comedian said in fear. The sheriff chuckled and said, "You do realize I have no fucking patience for jokes right now? I have work to do, hell you better clean this up before I rip your hair out!" "Okay okay, I will just...take it easy," he said, backing away in more fear. "Well, get to it," Bigby said, walking out his office and leaving Jack in there. He took a glance back and saw Jack peeling the Post-Its off of the wall. The wolf shook his head and walked to the elevator. Pressing the button, he crossed his arms and waited for the doors to open. The elevator doors opened, revealing a very annoying Bluebeard. "Good afternoon, Bigby," Bluebeard said, walking out. "Good afternoon, Bluebeard," Bigby replied, rolling his eyes. He pressed the button to the floor of his apartment and waited. The elevator ascending up, reaching a stopping point and opened. The Sheriff walked out and unlocked the door to my apartment. Bigby stepped inside, quick to encounter a big apple pie with whip cream to his face. He stood there for a moment, feeling the anger boil up in him as he heard Colin's laughs and snorts. "April Fools, Bigby!" he laughed. The wolf grabbed the aluminum pie cointer and threw to the ground, wiping the whip cream off his face. "People are really testing my fucking patience today," he growled. "Pull that shit again and you'll be bacon by tomorrow morning," Bigby threatened. "Okay, okay, sorry man. Didn't know you'd get that upset," Colin apologized. Bigby walked to his kitchen and wiped his face off with a paper towel. "It's fine." He walked to the table and grabbed one of the papers from the stack and got to work. Colin trotted to him and said, "So what's got you all worked up?" "Well, I was planning on having a good day, until Jack decides to cover my office with sticky notes while I was gone," he sighed. "Well, you gotta get into the spirit. It's April Fools day," the pig commented. "I don't do April Fools Day, Colin." "I can see that," he smirked. "Well, I'm gonna leave you alone to do whatever it is you're doing," Colin said, clopping to Bigby's dusty bedroom and shutting the door behind him. Bigby sighed and continued working.