dedicated to: Arielle Orinse
5 years ago
Nanggagalaiting itinapon ni mommy ang papel na naglalaman ng grado ko sa paaralan
"Yan lang?!" pasigaw na sabi nito
My eyes immediately formed waters in it and travels down to my cheeks.
Agaran ko iyong pinahid sa takot na mas lalong kagalitan ng aking ina
"Look at Denise's grades," she said talking about my older sister's academic grades
"Walang line of 8! How can you reach the highest honor title when you have that number 8 in your card, Danielle?"
Napayuko ako at hinayaan na lamang siyang ilabas ang masasakit na salitang nais sabihin sa akin
"Tama na 'yan, Cassandra. Don't pressure your daughter to that goddamn grades" pagsingit ni Daddy upang tuldukan ang kahiya-hiyang tinatamasa ko ngayon
Mommy crossed her arms before walking her way out to the living room.
Ate Denise gave her apologetic expression before rushing into Mommy while Daddy just give a pat on my shoulder
"You did a great job, Danielle. Don't mind your mom"
Tumango ako at ngumiti, assuring Dad that I'm just fine despite of Mom's words
5 years later
"Wow Danielle! Ikaw na yata ang magiging Summa Cum Laude this batch!"
"Naku hindi pa naman sigurado" nahihiyang sabi sa papuri ng kaibigan
"Sigurado akong matutuwa ang mga magulang mo nyan"
I don't know what hit me but my head goes down involuntarily-- maybe thinking that even if I did my best it will never be enough for my mother who always sees my sister as the best and I, as a loser
My thoughts vanish when we heard a honk of a vehicle nearby
There, I saw my father's black car, waiting for me to get in
"How's school?" he asked nang makasakay ako sa likod ng kanyang sasakyan
"Fine, Dad" I answered exhaustedly
"Balita ko rank 1 ka daw"
Napamulat ang mga pikit kong mata nang sabihin iyon ni Daddy
I was so shock that he knew it already gayong kanina lamang lumabas ang resulta
"Your ninong told me" sagot niya na tila nabasa ang nasasaisip ko
"Congratulations, anak. Don't forget to tell your mother about it. Ipakita mo na rin ang card mo" dad said and genuinely smiled at me at the rearview mirror
While I just smiled bitterly at the back saying that,
'You are wrong, Dad. I bet Mom will shout how disappointed she is to me'
Nang makarating sa bahay ay kaagad na pinagbuksan ako ni Daddy ng pinto at dali-daling pumasok sa loob
He seems so excited to tell the good news to Mom habang ako'y hindi alam kung ano na ang gagawin
We saw mom in the living room, wearing her notable eyeglasses and tapping something on her laptop
"Hey, honey" dad greeted mom and kissed her on her cheek
We sat and dad started to tell mom how genius I am
"Patingin ng card mo" she strictly said opening her palm to me
Kaagad kong ibinigay ang card gamit ang nanginginig kong mga kamay
She opened it and I waited for her reaction
"May tres ka?"
My eyes widened at her question.
I nodded and put down my head-- looking at the marble floor
"You disappointed me again, Danielle Margrave. Your sister didn't have 3 on her card when she was in college! And look at her now, a successful attorney who closed different cases successfully!"
My eyes started to gain waters again. After all these years si Ate pa rin ang magaling sa kanya while I'm the pathetic loser who wants to be excellent in her eyes
"Pero pasado pa rin naman po--"
"Hindi pwede ang basta pasado lang, Danielle!" she shouted stopping me from defending myself
Napayuko ako at hindi na napigilan ang sarili na humagulhol sa harap ng mga magulang
"I've been a good daughter, Mom. I tried my best to be good to you," I said while sobs keeps stopping me from continuing
"But I think my bests weren't enough. You keep telling me how good she is, how excellent and successful ate is!" I shouted still letting my tears flow from my eyes
"But mom... Nandito pa ako. I'm also your daughter, I was formed and came from your womb. Sorry if I didn't reach the definition of good for you. Sorry, Mom" the last words I said before running away from them
Tama na
Pagod na ako
Daddy is running at my back, repeating my name
Ngunit hindi ko ito pinansin hanggang sa hindi ko na alam kung nasaan ako
All I want is to run away from the hurtful words my own mother always say
But suddenly...
I heard a honk and my body was on the ground, scattered by a red thing
Blood.
Iminulat ko ang aking mga mata at nakita ang ama na naghihikahos na tumakbo papunta sa akin
For the last time, a tear escaped from my eyes
Thank you for always defending me from the knife like words of mommy, Dad
Salamat, Daddy
At pasensya na kung hindi ako ang pinakamagaling na anak mo.
I love you, daddy
Salamat... Paalam.
