One last time/Zauren

28.

L:
I couldn't even look him in the eyes. I could not bare to see the pain I've caused him. "I-" My heart was going to beat out of my chest. "I didn't think you'd be here."
"What? Did you think I'd be having a grand fucking time at what was supposed to be our wedding reception celebrating the fact that you left me at the altar?" His voice was cracking. I could also smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Why did you do it?" He asked. I was looking at the floor. "Why?" He pulled my chin up to look at him. "Look me in the eyes and tell me why you did that?" His eyes were filling with tears, and they weren't the kind he had as I made my way down the aisle and stood before him. I tried to look at anything but him, but he was not going to allow that to happen.

He stepped away from me and the door. He threw his arms up in defeat and sighed. "I've been trying to rake my brain with a reason Lauren. So many people are giving me theories as to why you left me there and so many people are hoping that I leave you because of this." I just.. stood there. Nothing that I was going to say would justify my actions. He sat back down on the couch and let out a sad chuckle.

"We were so excited to get married. You were so excited for this moment." I wiped a tear away that slipped through. "Now you wanna cry." He sighed and leaned back on the sofa. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey and tightened his grip on it. He jumped to his feet. "Why won't you speak?" He then sent the bottle sailing across the room and it hit the wall with a loud crash. Glass breaking everywhere. The remaining whiskey splashing everywhere. I flinched. "Why won't you say something?" He asked. His tone was pleading.

"I don't know what to say," I cried. "Nothing that I say will change what I did." I grabbed my wallet from the console table beside myself, as well as my keys and my phone. "Cool. You're going to take off on me again."
"You need to cool down, and I do too." My hand was on the doorknob. He grabbed the same items that I did. "No. I'm running out on you this time."
"Zayn. You are in no position to be driving right now." He pushed past me and left out the door, slamming it behind him.

I spend the rest of the night cleaning up broken glass and wiping away whiskey. I knew I fucked up. I really didn't know what to say to Zayn. Nothing that I said was going to make him feel better about what I did. No one wants to be left at the altar after asking if you want to marry that person.

I showered and laid in bed worried about Zayn's well-being. Was an officer going to show up at the house and tell me that something happened to him on his way to who knows where drunk driving. I knew Zayn wouldn't harm himself, but maybe the pain I was causing him to harbor was too much. He knew driving drunk was stupid and risky. It wouldn't be the first time.

My phone was blowing up with people calling me and texting me. I read one from my mother.

Zayn texted to tell us you're ok. He did not tell us where you were. Where are you? What's going on with you? Call me now!

I closed my eyes and just kept replaying the tears Zayn had when I walked down the aisle and the grin he couldn't contain when he said I do.. and then the empty expression on his face when I said I can't. I wanted to wipe my memory. I would never intentionally try to hurt Zayn that way. My mind just went blank.

I awoke to banging on the front door. I rubbed at my eyes, grabbing my phone. It was 10:21am. The notifications were still pouring in. Was it the police? My mind started to race and I bolted for the door. I didn't even look through the peep hole, I just swung the door open, bracing for the worst news. It was not the police.

Depp jumped up on me, wanting all of my love. Dinah and Normani stood before me with a look of shock on their face. "Yesterday Zayn said to drop the dog off in the morning.." Normani slowly said, still obviously surprised at my presence. "Where were you? What the hell was that all about yesterday?"
"That was your big day, Lauren. You can't get that back," Dinah added.

"Everyone hates me, huh?" I asked. Dinah shook her head. "No one hates you. Everyone is just-" "Confused as hell." Normani finished her sentence. I sighed and looked up at the ceiling to prevent the tears from dropping. "What happened?" They asked at the same exact time.

Z:
The phone was ringing and there was knocking at the door. I sat up rubbing my eyes and looking around. There were mini liquor bottles emptied on the carpet. Shit, my card statement was going to be an expensive one. The phone stopped ringing, but the knocking continued. I headed to the door and opened it up. It was one of the housekeepers. "Excuse me. You are supposed to have checked out twenty minutes ago." I slapped my palm against my forehead.
"I do apologize. I just slept in. I'll go. Just give me a minute." I quickly brushed my teeth, slipped on my tux pants and my white button up and grabbed the tux jacket and my other items and headed down the elevator.

I drove around for about an hour before I gathered myself to head back to the flat. I thought Lauren wouldn't be there when I got back, but I was wrong.

There were three empty wine glasses on the coffee table and two empty bottles of wine, as well as some crumbled tissues. Depp ran right to me. "Hey you," I knelt down to give him a belly rub. I then followed the sound of drawers closing into the bedroom.

Lauren was sat on the bed loading folded clothes into a luggage. I leaned against the doorframe. She looked up. "I didn't even hear you come in.." She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I see you had company," I said. "It was Mani and Dinah bringing Depp back. We had a couple drinks and talked."

"So you're ready to talk." I closed the door and tossed my tux jacket on the dresser. There she was looking at anything besides me again. "Stop doing that. Please just look at me. Talk to me." I knelt down in front of her. "I just want to understand, Lauren." She finally looked at me. Right in my eyes. "Nothing that I say will make any sense."
"Try to make it then."

She rubbed at her forehead, growing frustrated. "I was so excited when you proposed to me at our housewarming party. I don't think I'd ever been happier in my entire life. I wanted to marry you, Zayn. Ask anyone. I couldn't stop showing off my ring, and talking about you to people that hadn't even asked." She started to fold a shirt and place it in the suitcase as she continued her story. "Then it's like.. I don't know, as soon as we started planning for the actual wedding, there was a shift. I was still happy, but I was stressed and we were fighting so much. We don't fight. That's not us. Sure, we had small arguments over dumb disagreements, but nothing like we'd been having recently. Yes, we managed to make it past those fights, but they were still there. We became different people. I tried to ignore it." She shrugged. "You just can't ignore that. I was constantly accused of having cold feet, but I thought it was just my nerves. I thought there was no way I could have cold feet, like I wanted to marry you. Then the day of the wedding happened, and as I have my eyes closed getting my makeup done it was like some strange out of body experience. Every fight we had since being engaged.. the break up, it all started on replay in my head. And I thought if we get in a really big fight, I can't handle it ending in divorce. So, when the vows were being read my brain completely shut down.. for better or for worse, but that's not always the reality. I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just really scared. I didn't know what to do, so I ran."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "You couldn't have shared this with me before? I was scared too Lauren, but I know that we could make it through anything."
"How many people say that though? There are some really happy couples that broke up and despise one another.. I don't think I can handle that being us."
"You couldn't have had these thoughts prior to making an absolute fucking fool of me at the altar?"
"I'm sorry, Zayn. I made a fool of myself."
"You had ample opportunities to say all of this, Lauren!" I was getting heated now.
"How? I just had the realization."

I shook my head and crossed my arms over my chest. "I don't know where you're off to with your bags packed, but you should get going."

L:
He stood up taking off his button up shirt and leaving the room. I wiped my eyes with one of the folded shirts and tossed it in the suitcase. I zipped it shut and took it off the bed, rolling it behind me. "Lauren?" Zayn called out from the bathroom. I turned, he was standing in the doorway. "Take the dog with you."
"Why?" I was confused.
"He's just a reminder of when I proposed to you." I honestly didn't even know where I was going, I just knew Zayn was going to want me gone and now I was going to have to take Depp with me? "Do you think we'll ever be able to get through this?" I asked after leashing the dog up. Zayn's response was closing the bathroom door and starting up the shower.