The Beginning of Everything

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She exhales and inhales her breath like she is nervous to call her longtime boyfriend, Andre Diy. 

She hasn't met him in three weeks. What she about to tell him is something would really break Andre's heart. 

She has been with Andre for over sixteen years but in those sixteen years, she had upside and downside with him.

Mostly, downside, because she has been unhappy with him for many years but she decided to stay on with him because she was afraid to let that safety net go. She is afraid that she would be lonely and no one wants to be with her.

When the new year of 2020 came, her thoughts were all over the place because she made a promised to her self that this 2020 year is the year where she finally let go of Andre, of their 16 years of relationship.

She didn't feel that she grew so much in the relationship. Like a bonsai tree, it has become stagnant.

She just needs to find the courage and strength in order to let Andre go.

She is with her family. She just lost her grandma from her dad side. So she is away from her hometown and living city, Jakarta to be with her family in these rough times. 

She went to East Java, Wonosobo to buried her grandma but her thoughts and her heart are all over the place. 

In her hotel room, she talked to her aunt, spilling teas on how she felt towards Andre. Her aunt warned her that in a marriage everything would be the same and different at the same time. Her aunt questioned her, does she wants a husband like Andre, who is passive and doesn't really care about what she thinks? Will she be happy with a normal and boring life that Andre is leading? Will she be satisfied with it? 

Throughout that interrogation and questions with her aunt, it made her think. She questioned her safety net with Andre. She questioned every single moment that she spent with him for the past sixteen years. 

After a while, short thoughts later, she finally decided. She wants to let Andre go. 

 She actually wants to say this when she was in Jakarta with Andre, where they spent new years together. Where their love life wasn't really great anymore. It got boring and fester. But she didn't find the courage to say to Andre about it until today. 

She texted Andre on her Whatsapp. "Hey babe, I want to talk to you about us." 

Andre, on the other hand, has it suspicious about this text. "What do you want to talk about? Us breaking up?" 

In her heart, she was like, "Damn he knows me too well." but she replied to him, "Well... it's best that we talk on the phone. I'll call you." 

After a few minutes of still going back and forth of her decision, she finally called him, nervously.  

"Hello.." 

Andre: "Hey, what's up?" 

"Hey.. umm.. nothing... It's just that lately I felt distant with you... Umm... I want us to break up." 

There's a silence in on the other side of the phone.

But Andre clearly answer. "Ok." 

To her shock, that Andre didn't fight back or at least say something other than OK,  she quickly replied, "That's it??! After sixteen years with you, you just say OK?!" 

Andre replied, "What else do you want me to say?" 

She replied, "I don't know.. say that you love me and you still want me.... say that you wanted me to be with you... and not going anywhere... Ughh... Anyways, yeah, I'm breaking up with you." 

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