adore you // [h.s]

17

Audrey

I sat in the studio with everyone while they worked on the album. Harry and I had barely spoken since our date. I think I scared him whenever I told him that I adored him. Sometimes being with him felt like I was searching for a ball in high weeds. I tried so hard to be patient with him, but I think it's time for him to be open.

"Hey," Kid said as he plopped down on the couch beside me, "You looked lonely so I figured I would join you." I smiled at him as my eyes shifted over to Harry. I didn't really talk to Kid much. We always greeted each other, but I have never actually sat down and talked to him. "I was about to head out and smoke, would you like to join?" He asked.

"Why not?" I shrugged as I pulled myself off the couch. I followed Kid outside.

We stood outside the studio, taking turns passing the blunt back and forth.

"I have to admit something." Kid said as he handed the blunt back over to me, "You remind me so much of Harry." I chuckled at him.

"How?" I asked before I took a drag off the blunt.

"Just the way you dress." I looked down at my clothes. I guess he wasn't entirely wrong, "Then when I see you around Mitch and Sarah, it's the same thing. It's like I'm watching Harry."

"Guess it's where we hang out so much." I passed the blunt back to him.

I heard the studio doors open to reveal Mitch, "Loverboy has been looking for you." He said as he walked down the steps, "I can't believe you would smoke without me." He scoffed as he nudged me.

"I'll leave you all." Kid said as he handed the blunt over to Mitch.

"Has Harry been acting differently to you?" I asked Mitch.

"No, why?" He took long drags off the blunt.

"The other night, I told him I adored him and he's barely spoken to me since." I looked down at my shoes.

"He's a dumbass." Mitch scoffed, "I swear to you, he doesn't use his brain 98% of the time." He shook his head, "He gets super weird when people are open about their feelings towards him. Talk to him about it." He suggested, "Don't let up on him either. Don't let him shut down on you. Call him on his bullshit, he needs it."

"Thank you." He nodded at me.

"Hey, guys." Harry's voice filled the air, "Kid said you were out here." His eyes kept shifting back and forth between Mitch and I. "What are you all talking about?"

"Dragons." Mitch joked which caused me to laugh.

"Real funny, Mitchell." Harry rolled his eyes as he moved closer to me. He seemed off, but he's seemed off for days now. "Sarah was looking for you inside." Mitch nodded before he hurried off inside. "You and Mitch are getting close." He pointed out.

"He's an alright guy," I said before I noticed the annoyed look on Harry's face. "What?" Harry just shook his head.

is he seriously jealous over Mitch?

**

Harry and I sat in his room while he played random songs on his piano. I watched as he would write something down in his journal then play a couple of chords. It was kind of amazing watching him work. You could listen to the songs he wrote and immediately know how much of himself he poured into them.

"Can we talk?" I asked as I pulled myself to the edge of his bed. He hummed. He closed his journal then turned to face me, "Why haven't you talked to me, Harry?"

"I talk to you every day." He defended.

"You've been closed off these past few days, why?" He furrowed his brows at me, "Don't give me that look! You know what I'm talking about. Ever since I told you that I adored you, you've shut down." I tried to keep a steady tone, but I wanted to scream.

"I don't know what you want me to say." He admitted.

"I want you to be open with me." I confessed, "Is it that hard? I am always open with you, I tell you everything. I'm not afraid to let you know how I feel about you." I fought back tears, "All I want is to know that you want me as much as I want you. I want to know how we can go from dancing to love songs in the rain to acting like we're just friends."

Harry just looked at me without saying a word, "Can you please just say something, Harry?" I begged. "Where's my Harry?" I asked, "I want my Harry. I don't like this Harry. I don't like the Harry that can go days without speaking to me or the Harry that gets upset because I'm talking to Mitch. I want the Harry that cares about me back."

"Audrey, I care about you but I don't think I can ever be open like you want me to." He dropped his head. "I don't think I can be what you need. I'm sorry, I really am." He apologized.

"You can't sit here and tell me how you feel about me?" I sighed, "Do you even want this?" I asked, scared to death for the answer. He kept his eyes on the ground. "Do you even want to be with me, Harry?" I could feel the tears stinging my eyes. I wasn't going to cry in front of him. "Can you please just answer that?" I begged him once more.

"I don't know anymore." He admitted honestly.

I felt a sharp pain shoot through my chest. I knew I wouldn't like his answer, but I needed to hear it.

"I can't sit here and beg someone to be open with me." I admitted as a tear rolled down my cheek, "I can't sit here and beg someone who isn't even sure he wants me." I pulled myself off his bed. He watched as I made my way to the door, "I hope that someday you can be open, Harry."

**
how I felt about writing this