adore you // [h.s]

66

Harry

Last night was another sleepless night, but I wasn't surprised anymore. I hadn't had a decent night of sleep in months now. All I can do is lay there and let my mind wander for hours and hours. It's torture having to pray you fall asleep before it all hits you again.

The sun was starting to peek through the curtains and I knew Audrey would be awake before too much longer. I sank down into the mattress and rolled over, pretending to be asleep so she wouldn't ask questions. I didn't want her to worry about me, she had bigger things to worry about.

Audrey has been working with Kai a lot more here lately, which is great. I'm so damn proud of her. I'm happy for her too, I haven't seen her this happy in a little bit. The sparkle found its way back into her eyes. The highlight of my day is listening to her run through the door to tell me about the photoshoot they did.

There's no way she could go on tour now. I knew something like this would happen, but I can't be mad at her. It's my own fault, I waited too long to ask her.

I kept pushing it off thinking that all the right answers would fall into my lap, but they never did. Something would always come up whenever I planned on asking her, and then it wasn't the right time. Maybe this is God telling me that she shouldn't come on tour.

Here recently, I've been taking a step back and looking into my life which is odd, but it's helped me realize so much. Audrey has so much potential and she doesn't even realize it yet. If you were to look at her and tell her that she's going to do big things, then she would laugh in your face because she feels like she isn't enough. Audrey hasn't realized how gifted she is whenever it comes to editing and photography. It wouldn't shock me if big-shot celebrities don't start making their way into her dms.

I can't ask her to stop living out her dream with Kai. He's been helping her become an excellent photographer. She's been working her ass off for years to get to where she is today, who am I to take that away from her before she even gets started? I have watched Audrey grow since the very first day I met her, I can't be the one thing holding her back.

I could hear Audrey shuffling around under the covers and it wasn't long before she wrapped her body around mine. "I know you're not asleep," She whispered before she left a soft kiss on my back.

"Damn, you're good." I mumbled while I felt her lips curve into a smile against my back.

"You can't fool me, loverboy," She teased, "I've been up for the last hour." She admitted honestly while we both rolled onto our backs.

Months ago we had promised to always wake the other if we couldn't sleep, but we never did. I knew that promise would only last a handful of days. Audrey doesn't like to burden people with her problems and I can say the same. It's always been hard for me to open about the things going on inside in my head. It's not like I don't want to talk about it because I do but it feels physically impossible.

"Baby, can we do something today?" I asked while I rolled onto my side so I could face her.

"What would you want to do today, my love?"

"Do you think we could go for a drive? Maybe we go to a small diner and get some breakfast, then go on a long drive up the coast?"

"That sounds lovely," Audrey said with a soft smile on her lips. "Let's get ready!" Audrey threw the blankets off our bodies while she slowly peeled herself out of the bed.

**

I'm hopeless, broken
So you wait for me in the sky
Browns my skin just right

You're so golden
You're so golden
I'm out of my head
And I know that you're scared
Because hearts get broken
(Golden - Harry Styles)

Whenever I wrote this song, I knew immediately that it had to be track one on the album. Golden is the perfect PCH song. I can remember driving back and forth from my house to the studio, blasting it through the speakers.

Audrey sang along with the song while the wind rushed through her hair. I kept stealing glances while I was driving. Today it felt like I had Audrey back, the carefree Audrey that didn't care as long as there was an adventure. I missed her.

"Look at the sunset, loverboy!" Audrey shouted as she pointed to the horizon. I glanced over momentarily, seeing the most vibrant shades of pink and purple. "God, that's breathtaking." Audrey whispered.

I looked over to her with a smile on my lips, "you're breathtaking, sweet girl." I whispered back while I looked her up and down, quickly, before I pulled my attention back to the road. Audrey pressed her lips to my cheek before she relaxed back into her seat. I placed my hand on her thigh, initiating her to rest her hands on mine.

"Can we pull over and watch the rest of the sunset?" She asked while I nodded. We weren't far around from Audrey's secret hideaway so I hurried up so she could enjoy as much of the sunset as she could.

Moments later, we were climbing out of the car so we could sit on the hood. Audrey looked so happy which made me happy. It felt good to see her this happy again.

"Audrey, can we talk?"

She turned to face me, making sure I knew that I had her attention. Her eyebrows were pulled together as she tried to read the expression on my face, "Is everything okay? You called me Audrey.."

"Everything is fine, baby." I reassured her, pushing a piece of hair behind her hair. "It's about the tour." Relief wrapped around Audrey like a blanket whenever the words fell from my lips.

"Don't you leave in a couple weeks?" She questioned while she looked to her lap.

I let out a sigh, "I do."

Just tell her the truth, don't drag it out dumbass.

"I've been tossing and turning about this for months now" I admitted honestly. "I want you to come with me, but I can't pull you away from your life here." I could tell that Audrey wanted to say something but she was going to let me finish before she did. "Things are finally starting to look up for you. Kai is letting you take over at the studio, and you're so happy whenever you're taking pictures."

I guess Audrey had enough because she cut me off before I could say anything else, "So you're making this decision for me? You're deciding what's best for me without even asking me?"

"Audrey," I sighed again, "I'm just saying that I don't think it's a good idea."

"Well, Harry, I don't think you get to decide what's best for me and what's not." She put a lot of emphasis on my name which caused a soft sting in my heart. I haven't heard her call me 'Harry' in so long. I guess it's my fault though I have been calling her Audrey.

"Please don't take this the wrong way," She started to speak, "I don't want to talk about it right now! We've put this conversation off for months now, so what's one more night. We've had a good day together and I don't want to ruin it. Let's just enjoy tonight then we can talk more tomorrow, is that okay with you?" All I could do was nod.

Audrey laid her head on my shoulder which caused relief ro rush through my body. She sounded upset, and I worried she wouldn't want anything to do with me the rest of the night. Silence fell between us while we watched the sun disappear below the horizon. I'll see you soon.