adore you // [h.s]

50

Audrey

It was rainy in Los Angeles today, that rarely happens. Did you know that Los Angeles only averages thirty-six days of rain a year? As expected in a state like California, it is dry nine out of ten days.

I enjoyed the rain which was odd considering where I lived. As much as I loved the rain, you'd think I want to live in Seattle. Don't get me wrong being surrounded by endless rays of sunshine was great, but now and then you need a little bit of rain.

I stood at the large glass window while I drank my morning coffee. I watched the raindrops race down the window, eager to reach the bottom. The soft sound of rain tapping on the ground mixed perfectly with the sound of Harry playing the piano.

"Why don't you join me?" Harry asked, pulling my attention from the weather outside.

I walked over to the piano with a smile on my face. I enjoyed whenever we played the piano together, it was always the sweetest moments that we shared. He was so patient with me. He would never get upset with me when I messed up or when it took me longer to learn specific parts.

"Actually, I have a surprise for you," I said as I scooted beside him. Harry furrowed his brows while he made room for me on the bench.

He bugged me about telling him what the surprise was, but I wasn't going to budge. Right now I was more focused on making sure I didn't mess this up. My hands were so shaky and I worried it would ruin everything.

I sucked in a deep breath before I started to play the song. The confusion on Harry's face was replaced with shock. He kept shifting his wide eyes between my hands and my face.

Whenever Harry wasn't home, I took it upon myself to learn the piano. I heard a song a couple of months ago that reminded me of him and I had to learn how to play it. I figured now would be a good time to play it for him considering everything we're going through.

Harry needed to know that he was the one for me and nothing would ever change that.

"You're the dream I wanna wake to... You're the field I wanna run through... You're the one..." My voice was shaky due to how nervous I was, but Harry didn't seem to mind. He just looked at me with admiration in his eyes. "You're the song I'm always singing... You're the where, the why, and the reason... You're the one..."

Harry rubbed circles on my lower back while I continued to play the song. My eyes were glued to my hands, praying that I wouldn't mess something up. Harry wouldn't care if this turned into a shit show, but I wanted it to be perfect for him. I wanted to show him how much he means to me.

I could see Harry raise his hand to his face out of the corner of my eye then I heard him sniffle.

Was he crying? Did I make him cry?

I glanced over quickly afraid of taking my eyes off my hands to see that he was in fact crying. Once I saw the tears welling up in his eyes, it took everything in me not to start crying. I knew that I had to make it through this song before I had a mental breakdown.

"I wanna be the one you're choosing... I want you to want me there... And if it helps to hear mine forever's yours my dear..." I looked over to Harry while I sang that last line. He cracked a smile before he kissed the side of my head. "Won't you take my hand if you dare... Won't you take my hand if you dare..."

I played through the chorus two more times before I ended the song. My hands weren't as shaky as they were when we started. Whenever I started to sing to him, I could feel myself start to calm down. My anxiety started to fade away even if it was still there, it wasn't as prominent.

Harry and I just looked at each other with smiles on our faces. There were still tears rolling down Harry's cheeks that he was quick to wipe away. I placed my hands on either side of his face, tracing my thumbs across his cheeks.

"You're my forever home, Styles," I whispered, looking between his eyes.

When the words fell from my lips, Harry completely broke in my arms. The floodgates had opened, releasing all his tears at once without warning. He fell into my chest, holding my body tightly inside of his arms.

I didn't know what to say or do other than hold him. I just held him in my arms, praying this would be enough to mend his broken pieces. I kept running my fingers through his hair.

Harry cried so hard that his body was shaking. I held him tighter in order to stop the shaking.

I didn't mean to make him cry.

"Baby, what's wrong?" I managed to say after minutes of hearing his cries fill the silence of the house.

Harry raised his head off my shoulder, wiping his face. My heart was breaking inside my chest at the sight of his tear-stained cheeks.

"I-I've never had someone do something like this for me." He sobbed. "You go out of your way to make sure I'm okay and to make sure I know that I'm loved."

What little bit of my heart that wasn't broken just shattered.

"I have loved so many people and I feel like I was never loved in the same way. I have given my heart to so many people expecting that they would do the same, but they never did." Harry continued to sob, "I just wanted someone to love me the way I loved them."

All Harry wanted was to be loved. He's craved a genuine love for most of his life. Harry needed someone to love him despite what the world thinks or what people would say. He needed to know what it felt like.

"I love you, Harry." I blurted out. Hearing those words fall from my lips caused a smile to form on his lips, "I'm going to love you every day for the rest of life. I don't care what anyone else has to say or think about it. You are my loverboy and you'll always have my heart."

He didn't say anything else, he just laid his back down on my shoulder. His cries were muffled.

**

I finally convinced Harry to come to lay down, he needed to rest. He kept telling me he was fine, but I think the tear-stained cheeks and puffy eyes would disagree.

Harry had been holding so much in for so long and it was taking a toll on him. He let it all out today which was the best thing he could do. I begged him to stop closing himself off, to let himself feel everything.

Whenever Harry woke up, he admitted that his body felt weak. I helped into the bathroom so he could take a bath.

While I ran the water for the bath, I glanced over my shoulder to see Harry with his head down. He twirled a silver ring with 'peace' engraved on it up and down his middle finger. I could tell his mind was running a million miles a minute.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I asked, walking over to him.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, leaving me confused. Why is he sorry? He hasn't done anything wrong? "I don't mean to be sad."

... Did he just apologize for being sad?

"You don't need to apologize for being human," I reassured him while I snaked my arms around his waist.

For a moment, all I could hear were our hearts beating together. I wondered if he heard the same thing I did.

I undressed Harry before I helped him into the bath. Whenever I tried to leave, he urged me to get in the bath with him. He told me he couldn't be lonely right now, he told me he needed me. I didn't argue or hesitate, I joined him.

The first few minutes were silent, but then he started his shit. He took a handful of bubbles and blew them into my face starting a war.

He won.

He caught me off guard, that's the only reason he won. He grabbed me and pulled me into his chest, then took those lips of his and kissed my neck. Tell me how I was supposed to think straight after that? I lost all my marbles right then and there. That bastard had the audacity to whisper "I won" in my ear after he did it.

I'm about to smack that damn smirk off his lips.

I'll get you back loverboy, just you wait and see.