adore you // [h.s]

67

Audrey

I didn't sleep at all last night. I don't think Harry did either. I think we both just laid there with our eyes closed trying to fool the other, but we weren't fooling anyone. I can tell whenever Harry is sleeping or not by the way he's breathing.

Is that weird? I feel like it's not weird to pay attention to your significant other's breathing patterns, but maybe it is.

I rolled over to see Harry laying with his eyes closed, but he wasn't asleep. I placed my hand on the side of his face before I leaned over to press a kiss to his forehead. His lips curved into a smile, "Good morning, loverboy."

"Good morning, sweet girl." Harry whispered to me. He slowly opened his eyes, looking at me with those pretty green eyes of his.

We laid there for a minute just staring at each other. I couldn't help but think that I didn't have much more time with Harry. I felt like we were in our last days and I already felt broken. We've spent the better part of a year and a half together, practically joined at the hip, and I'm supposed to let him go.

He's not leaving me without a fight.

"Do you want to have coffee or shower first?" Harry asked. I looked up to see him crawling out of bed, but I didn't want either. I wanted him to crawl back into bed and hold me.

"Coffee," I lied following in his movements. I was only a handful of steps behind Harry as we made our way downstairs.

Harry walked over to the Keurig while I climbed onto the counter. The cold surface caused goosebumps to my skin. My eyes combed over Harry's body, falling hopelessly in love as the seconds passed.

"What's going on inside that pretty mind of yours?" Harry asked. He stood in between my legs with his hands on the countertop beside me.

My fingers traced over the butterfly resting on the center of his torso, I always knew butterflies were my favorite. I shrugged my shoulders, "I've got a lot going on up there but all I can think about right now is how hopelessly in love with you I am."

He pushed a piece of hair behind my ear before he kissed my nose, "I absolutely adore you."

Then why are you leaving me, loverboy?

**

Today has gone by so slow, but I couldn't complain. It's been nice to enjoy this day with Harry. All we've done is cuddle and read to each other. For what seemed like hours, we took turns reading our favorite poems to each other. We hadn't done that in so long, and it was good to hear that he still had good taste in poetry.

We hadn't talked about it yet. I think we were both finding any reason not to talk about it, so we wouldn't have to accept the truth. I guess it's true whenever they say the truth is a hard pill to swallow.

If I could push it off one more day, but I knew that whenever tomorrow came along I would be praying for another tomorrow. I just didn't want to accept the fact that this may be the end of a good thing.

"Are you ready to talk?" Harry asked me while he plopped down on the couch beside me. No, I'm not. Thank you for the offer though.

I let out a sigh, "I want to go with you."

"Baby," He sighed, "You can't go with me. You can't leave everything behind, not for me."

"Okay, but what about for me? Am I allowed to leave everything behind because I want to? Have you ever thought about that?" Harry stayed silent because he knew I had a loud mouth. He knew good and damn well I was nowhere close to being done. "I've always wanted to see the world and I'm never going to do that if I don't leave everything behind. Who cares if it's for you or not? I'd cross any ocean for you, whether you asked me to or not!"

"Things are finally starting to look up for you, who am I to take you away from that? Kai is finally giving you studio time, and you're doing so damn good! Every time you go out to take pictures, you come home on cloud nine. You're going out and meeting new people, you're planting seeds everywhere you go! You've got so much potential, why would I stop you from growing?"

"So what are we gonna do? You want me to just throw away all the time we've spent together? We won't work with you half the world away all the time! What's the real reason you don't want me to go? Right now, all you're doing is finding bullshit excuses so I won't go. You think I give a damn about studio time with Kai? None of that matters whenever it comes to you! I'd do anything for you because I love you, and I can't bear to watch you leave." I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, but I wasn't about to let them fall.

"Do you think any of this is easy for me? Do you think that this has been easy for me? I've been holding onto this shit for months! All I think about is how I might have to look the love of my life in the eyes and tell her goodbye? Do you think that shit hasn't been eating me alive? None of this has been easy! I'm not making bullshit excuses, Audrey! I'm trying my damndest to do what's best for you, why can't you understand that?" Harry screamed as he pulled himself off the couch. I flinched at his actions.

Harry has never acted this way before. I've never seen him so angry, and I know it's my fault. I pushed him into a corner, what else did I except? Nobody puts baby in a corner. too soon? okay..

My mind drifted back to the day with Mitch and Sarah. As much as I wanted to bring that up to him, I knew that would only fuel the fire. I didn't want this conversation to turn into a screaming match, but I should've known. We are both too damn stubborn.

I made sure that I lowered my voice before I spoke, "I know that if you go on tour and I stay here, we won't make it. I just want to be with you Harry and right now I'm not sure if you feel the same way. Studio time with Kai doesn't matter to me. Kai would understand if I left to go with you and so would my mom. If you're so worried about my photography career, then let me take pictures for you on tour. There's so many solutions to every problem that you're creating in your head, but you're looking for any reason to make me stay here."

Harry hasn't said another word, he's just nodded his head and played with the rings on his fingers. "I don't know what to do, Audrey. I've not known for months now, and I feel so shitty. I know that I'm scared to leave you here, and I also know that I'm scared to bring you with me. I'm scared to lose you, but I don't think you can stay." Tears rushed down his cheeks.

I nodded for Harry to come back to the couch which he did. He collapsed into my arms while we both cried. I felt a soft sting in my heart while Harry mumbled 'I'm sorry' every so often. I whispered soft reassurances in his ear, rubbing my hands up and down his back.

We would work it out, I know we will. We always do.