adore you // [h.s]

22

Audrey

I hadn't left Harry's house. I lied to him and told him I hadn't been feeling my best. There was no way I could tell him how terrified I am to go out in public especially not after last night. Harry was completely broken over it, and there's no way I could tell him that.

On the bright side, the house was as clean as it was ever going to be. I cleaned constantly while they were all out at the studio or out to dinner. I think I have organized then reorganized Harry's drawers at least three times in the past hour.

I heard my phone begin to ring so I rushed over to it, Harry.

"Hey, baby." His voice instantly caused butterflies to erupt in my stomach, "I was about to go out for lunch, would you like to join me?"

I froze. I felt this lump in my throat appear, "Uhm," I looked around the room, praying that I would find the answer, "I'm still not feeling the best." He hummed, "Could you bring me something home?"

"Yeah," He paused. I could tell that he was hurt, "yeah, no problem." I felt like I was letting him down, but I couldn't go into public right now. "I'll see you soon."

"I'll see you then." He didn't say anything else before he ended the call.

Maybe I should tell him, but how could I? I just spent the night holding him while he cried, I couldn't add to that. I have never seen Harry that distraught.

You have to tell him.

I begged Harry to be open with me, it would be hypocritical if I wasn't open with him.

You'll hurt him.

It shouldn't even be up for debate whether I tell him or not, but there's something inside of me screaming 'don't tell him.'

I threw myself back onto his bed while I watched the ceiling fan turn circles. There was nothing else left to do. I cleaned every room in this apartment, except for Mitch's, at least three times. There is no other way to organize the magazines on the table or the fruit bowl.

Music.

I walked over to the speaker, connecting my phone. I clicked shuffle on my 'liked songs' playlist on Spotify.

Tempted, you know
Apologies are never gonna fix this
I'm empty, I know
Promises are broken like the stitches

I hope you can see the shape I've been in
While he's touching your skin
This thing upon me, howls like a beast
You flower, you feast
(Woman - Harry Styles)

HS1 will always and forever hold a very special place in my heart, the same as the man who wrote it. I fell in love with every single song on this album, but 'Woman' made me feel so good. This song gave me so much empowerment and joy.

I hummed along to the song as I danced around the room. I could feel the boredom start to fade away once I started my own dance party.

"I love this song, who wrote it?" Harry yelled over the music.

I stopped dancing as I turned to face him. I felt the color start to rise in my cheeks. I wanted to hide away forever, I was so embarrassed.

"I didn't realize you'd be home so soon." I admitted as I hid my hands behind my back.

"If it helps, you're a lovely dancer." I could hear the sarcasm in his voice. I rolled my eyes, playfully. "Let's go eat, baby." He said as he nodded his head down the stairs.

"What'd you get me?" I asked while I eagerly followed him to the kitchen.

"I got you Wendy's," He said. "I knew it was your favorite, so I stopped by after I got my food." I smiled at him before I sat down at the dining table. We both took the time to set up our food before we dove in.

"I have a couple of questions for you," Harry announced after he wiped his mouth. I hummed, "One, what's your favorite song off the self-titled album?"

I took a moment to think, "Honestly, I can't pick a favorite. I fell in love with every song in a different way, so I can't choose." He furrowed his brows in disbelief, "The entire album is beautiful. I really enjoy 'From the Dining Table' though. The lyrics are so beautifully written, which I've never known you to write a bad song." He blushed before his eyes shifted to his lap.

"I don't think you'd tell me if I wrote a bad song."

"Oh, I most definitely would. I am very picky about my music, Mr. Styles." He playfully rolled his eyes before he took another sip of his drink. "What's the next question?"

"I want you to be honest with me," I nodded, "what's the real reason that you aren't leaving the apartment?" I shrugged, "Don't do that. Audrey, you won't even go back to your own home, so what's going on?" I dropped my head.

The lump jumped back into my throat, making it difficult to answer his question right away.

"I'm scared," I admitted. I made sure that I kept my eyes on the table or anywhere else but on him, "I'm scared to go back out into public."

"Why didn't you just tell me?" He asked.

I sighed, "I wanted to, but I was scared that I was going to hurt you. I saw how upset you were last night and I didn't want to add to that." He laid his hand over mine.

"I don't want you to keep everything inside in fear of hurting my feelings. Your feelings are equally as valid as mine." The pad of his thumb kept running over my knuckles, "I never want you to feel like you have to value my feelings more than you value your own. If you're hurting, then come to me. If you're scared, then come to me. I'll stay by your side until we can figure it out." I felt a tear roll down my cheek, but I quickly wiped it away before he noticed.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't open with you." He brought my hand to his mouth, leaving soft kisses.

"I understand." He mumbled in between kisses, "I have one more question." I looked at him so he would know that I was listening, "I don't know how you would feel about it, so if it's weird to you then please tell me." For some reason, I felt extremely nervous. "How would you feel about having a bodyguard?"

I was a little shocked whenever he first asked, but I didn't think it was the worst idea, "I think it would be a good idea, but I would feel weird." Harry nodded, "I don't know how I would feel with this dude just following me around all day." Harry chuckled as he shook his head.

"I follow you around all day." He said.

"Okay, it's completely different with you." He furrowed his brows, "You're not entirely intimidating. I mean, you do have that stare that intimidates the absolute shit out of me, but I know that you're a cupcake." He rolled his eyes while he crossed his arms across his chest, pouting. "Stop it." I nudged him with my foot.

"Anyways," He said, pulling us back into focus, "I think it would be a good thing for you especially whenever you go out with your mom, Kai, or even by yourself. I worry about you whenever I'm not around, and I don't know what I would do if something happened to you."

I stayed silent as I tried to find the right thing to say. I didn't know how I felt about having a bodyguard, but I had to think about my mom as well. Eventually, people are going to figure out what my name is and where I live.

"You don't have to make your mind up right now." Harry assured me, "I could easily arrange for him to only be with you whenever you're out in public. I don't want to completely overwhelm you." I nodded, "You would have options." Harry shook his head at himself, "That sounded odd." I laughed as did he.

"I think I should do it." He smiled.

"I'm going to make a couple of calls, then over the next few days you'll meet a couple of different people then you'll get to decide." I nodded. "It's going to seem odd at first, but I just want to ensure that you're safe."

"I really appreciate you doing this for me." He smiled and nodded. "Thank you for doing all these nice things for me." I continued as I shoveled a few fries into my mouth.

"I'd do anything for you."