adore you // [h.s]

65

Audrey

Harry was supposed to be coming home today and I was so excited. I have been craving one of his hugs ever since I left England. He gives the best hugs and I don't know what was so different about them. He holds you so tight and so close, I just feel like I'm home.

My mom tried every way in the world to get me to move back in with her. She would bring it up every single chance she got, and I felt so bad but I don't want to go back to that house.

I sound like an awful person.

I don't understand how she could expect me to want to come home after everything. I love my mom and I've never been more grateful to have her back in my life. Maybe if she would've asked me to come home sooner then I would have, but I'm so used to sleeping next to Harry. Besides, what's she going to do if I move back home and still spend all my time with Harry? She'd throw another fit and kick my ass to the curb again.

For once, I chose to make myself happy rather than give in to please someone else. She should be proud of me for finally making a decision for myself rather than letting someone walk all over me.

I couldn't sit here and count all the times I put everyone else before myself. I'm such a giver and it's been a royal pain in my ass.

Do you know how exhausting it is to take care of everyone else while you're struggling? Time and time again, I have put my own problems aside to help everyone else with theirs but God forbid someone ever help me. I have been carrying everyone else's burden around, praying that someone would notice and help me but no one ever did.

It's almost like being trapped inside a glass box, screaming for someone to let you out but no one ever hears you. You're just stuck for what feels like forever. You get to watch everyone live out their lives while you suffer in silence.

I shook my head, snapping myself out of my thoughts. I sucked in a deep breath, holding it for a second, before I let it all out. I wasn't going to reminisce in the past because there's nothing I can do to change it. All I can do is pray for a brighter future.

I trudged into the kitchen with tired eyes. I walked over to the Keurig, replacing the old k-cup with a new one before I pressed brew and walked out of the kitchen.  

This house had to be cleaned before Harry got home, but did I want to do that? For once, I can answer that with a confident no. I wanted to take my happy ass back to bed and read a book. I am not a morning person, but then again I'm not really a night person. Hell, I'm not sure if I classify as a person most days.

The smell of coffee filled the house, so I walked back into the kitchen to retrieve my mug. My eyes grew wide when I noticed the  coffee dripping off the counter.

Son of a bitch.

What kind of dumbass forgets to grab a mug before they brew their coffee? I have so many reasons to hate myself, but being a complete and total ass hat tops the cake.

This was going to be a pain in the ass to clean up. I was going to wipe this up then bleach clean the floor and the counters, then mop so it didn't reek of bleach. To make everything better, that was my last k-cup.

I need vodka, not just two or three shots, the whole bottle and then some.

**

After cleaning up the disaster in the kitchen, I decided to treat myself to an iced coffee from Dunkin and maybe I splurged and got a donut. Okay, a dozen donuts and two iced coffees, but that's no one else's business.

I have been scrubbing every single surface in this house to make sure it was clean before Harry got home, not that he would notice. I could go without cleaning for the next month and he wouldn't notice. God love his heart, he just better be glad he's pretty.