𝐃𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐫 𝐃𝐞𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥? 〚𝚍𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚏𝚘𝚢 〛

Chapter 30

Everything was going so well. 

My parents were shipped off on a surprise vacation to Australia, Draco had managed to teach me quite a few spells and Luna was doing great. With countless hours spent studying and nearly getting killed in the next few quidditch matches, I was rather hopeful concerning my future. 

After all, Draco had promised that we would figure it out. 

That was before I started having dreams. Or rather... nightmares. 

Voldemort haunted my sleep, his words twisting my mind until I no longer knew what was real and what was not. 

Had his snake wrapped itself around my neck? Had he tortured my friends? 

I could feel him growing in power, taunting me, threatening everything I loved. 

What did I love? This. This life that I had created for myself at Hogwarts. I couldn't let him take that away from me. But what was I to do? They were dreams, promises of pain if he ever could meet me. I would be an example for others. 

As long as I stayed at Hogwarts, I was safe. Perhaps I could join the Order and fight, but that would be later, when I managed to pass the NEWT exams. Dumbledore had other things to worry about and I would have been notified if Potter was about to do something irrational. 

So instead, I stayed awake, barely taking the time to close my eyes longer than necessary in fear of being controlled. 

I had read about it once, it was called legilimency. Described as navigating the many layers of a person's mind, controlling and recording their findings. I was terrified that he would find where my parents were hidden. They were the only people he could use against me. 

Well, the only people that were not at Hogwarts.

Alohomora, I thought for the thousandth time, trying to unlock a chest sitting on the desk in front of me.

It worked a few times, but I felt the strain with every word I spoke. I was drained, with absolutely no energy left for a non-spoken spell.

I rested my head on the table, disoriented. Letting magic consume whatever was left of my sleep deprived body suddenly did not seem like the brightest idea. 

I had the bad feeling that people around me were starting to notice a change in the way I acted. 

At every quidditch practice, Charles would glance my way, as if wondering when I would fall off my broom. He had taken the habit of walking me back to my room, telling me to stop studying and sleep for a change. 

Luna would catch me zoning out as I tried to teach her a certain potion and Hermione would often have to nudge me to see if I was still awake in class. 

I had tried avoiding Draco, having the strange feeling that I wouldn't be able to hide from his steely eyes. The more time I spent around them, the more they were in danger.

"Long night?" A familiar voice snapped me out of my daze.

Would I be able to stay away from my friends? 

I turned my head to the side as Draco's eyes bored through my soul, trying to discern what was wrong. I couldn't escape.

I smiled weakly. "You have no idea."

Perhaps it was the exhaustion, but I started noticing things that seemed significantly unimportant until now. Like the way my heart beat picked up when I heard his voice and how I always scanned a room to see if he was there. The familiar feeling of warmth blossoming in my chest when I caught him staring or smiling. 

I was falling and was mortally afraid of crashing unto the ground. Or worse, being the one to cause his downfall. 

The boy frowned, sitting down beside me and forcing me to lift my head off of the table. It was crazy how comfortable wood became when you hadn't laid down in a while.

"Rose, Urquhart and I aren't very close. God, Lovegood and I have never spoken to each other before. But we all agree on this one," he said softly. "We're here for you. You've helped us through more things that you can imagine, it's our turn to do the same. You don't need to be strong for us. Whatever is going on, we can figure it out. Together."

Curse my tiredness, I felt tears well up behind my closed eyelids. 

How ironic was it that when I had first stared into Draco's eyes, I had identified the need to be protected and cared for. I could see he had been through much more than he showed and needed to be saved from the indifference of others. I wanted to see his eyes shine brightly like they were born too. 

At the same time, I recognized someone that could be dependent on me, someone that would not let me down. How ironic that I was now the one who needed him. I blinked away my tears, determined not to let them fall. Perhaps while saving him, I was saving myself.

"Voldemort haunts my sleep," I whisper shakily, frightened that as soon as I admitted it, the nightmares would become reality.

The words tumbled out of my mouth as quickly as a torrent of water. I didn't want to cry, but bloody hell was it hard. 

Somewhere along the way, his arm wrapped itself around my shoulder, his body offering me an anchor to reality.

"Close your eyes," he said.

I shook my head.

"I'm here. Close your eyes."

Breathing unsteadily, my eyelids dropped.

"Get rid of all thoughts and emotions. You know when you open the first page of a book? The blank one? The one that seems calm and collected, ready to receive a world of words on the next pages? Bring it to mind. Let it's peacefulness fill you."

I relaxed against him, forgetting everything around me and focusing on the sound of his voice.

"Don't be afraid."

Strangely, I wasn't.