Nudes

0.6

10 DAYS TIL THE SUICIDE

Calum's P.O.V.

As soon as I walk into the house, I practically rush to the kitchen to take my medicine. I can already feel my last dosage wearing off.

I take 2, like the doctor ordered but I don't leave just yet. I sit on one of the bar stools and just think for a bit. Evelyn may have forgave me, but she is still sad...because of me.

I've been thinking about her a lot lately. I know I messed up, and as much as I want to go back in time and fix it, I know it's not possible. The least I can do is try to make it right.

I still like her. I never stopped. How could I? She's so beautiful and special. I've never met anyone like her.

You really think the main reason that I keep my distance from her is my friends? It's because I hurt her I know I'm capable of doing it again.

I hear my mum come into the kitchen and turn on the sink.

"Did you take your medicine?" I nod, even though she probably can't see me. "Good, you have a doctors appointment with Dr. Rivers at four."

"It's three."

"I can read a clock, Calum." I chuckle at her response. "You should get going though. You don't want to be late."

"I don't wanna go at all, mom." She just rolls her eyes and gestures me to go. I stand up and grab my keys off the counter.

The drive there seemed almost painful. I hate the stupid appointments, I hate the stupid doctor, and I hate the stupid notebook she writes on. I hate the stupid velvet couch she makes me sit on, I hate the stupid pointless pictures and I hate the way she makes me feel like there's something wrong with me.

I think therapy is a bunch of bullshit. It's just a bunch of professionals trying to tell you what's wrong with you with information they got from a textbook. There's now way in hell they can know so much about me because of something a boom said. Half of the bullshit they tell you to try to "fix" yourself doesn't even fucking work.

I pull into the parking lot and sit in my car for a moment, dreading what's coming.

. . .

The waiting room was quiet and it smelled like rubber gloves. I had already checked in and they said they'll let me know when she's ready for me.

She knew I was coming at four. Why wouldn't she be fucking ready?

The door opened and a bell rang.

"Cal, what's up?." I look up from my phone and see Ashton, one of my good friends. I didn't know he was in therapy...

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I stuff my phone in my front pocket as he took a seat right next to me.

"I was caught with percs again so now I have to see a therapist and I'm on probation." We both share a laugh for a second. He did tell me about getting caught, I just didn't know his punishment. Ashton has always been a druggie. Nothing new. "How about you?"

"They think I bipolar disorder so I have to come here once a week. Bullshit."

"Damn." I shrug and he tells me the story of how he got caught.

"Calum Hood." A lady called, which was Dr.Rivers.

"That's my cue. I'll catch up with you later." He gave me a nod and I followed the lady to her office.

"Hello, Mr. Hood. How are you?" She pulls out a pen and her dumb notepad and starts scribbling something.

"Fine."

"So how was your day?"

"Fine."

"How are your friends?"

"Fine."

She sighed and closed her notebook. "Look, I know you don't wanna be here. If I was your age, I'd much rather be hanging out with my friends and...doing whatever you guys do these, thanbe here trying to work on myself." I ignore her but she speaks up again. "The hour is already paid for so we can sit here and not speak for the rest of the 55 minutes or we can just have a normal conversation." She notices that my eyes are locked on her stupid fucking notebook. "No notes."

She tosses the book to the table the separates the two of us. "Just tell me something that's been on your mind."

I decide to take her up on her offer. Either way, I can't leave or she'll tell my mom and it'll start a whole big thing. It beats sitting here and staring at each other for a whole hour.

"There's this girl." I mumble. "I did a bad thing to her."

"How bad?" She asks.

"Really bad. She's not the same person she used to be. She's so hurt and broken. Her big beautiful eyes lost so much color and...fuck, I just want to hold her and never let go." I feel myself starting to choke up so I swallow the lump gathered in my throat.

"This girl, you're interested in her?"

I never noticed how good of a listener she is. It also completely escaped my mind that this is his job.

"Yeah, I guess I am."

"Fight for her. Make things right. I can't tell you how to do that because it needs to come from you. It'll make it so much more special and meaningful, but you need to put some thought into it." I keep my eyes on the floor but I nod and her response.

Dr. Rivers really does just want to help me. I see it now. It doesn't make me like therapy any more than I do, but I did underestimate her.

"You know what, I think you did amazing today. Thank you for opening up to me, Calum. I'm going to let you go early." My head shoots up and there was no way to hide my surprise. "Get out of here before I change my mind."

I give her an appreciative smile and quietly head for the door.

"Remember to make it up to her!" She calls before it shuts behind me.

~
can i get a hoyaah?