Nudes

0.2

12 DAYS TIL THE SUICIDE

I walked these halls quietly with my headphones on max volume to drown the other kids laughing and whispering about me. I don't care much about that anymore.

 I used to feel something. I used to get so angry so fast, yelling and screaming about how they were disgusting and childish. Nothing helped. I felt so helpless and out of control of the situation.

Then, I started getting sad. I would have to sprint into the nearest bathroom just so I won't cry in front of the crowd. I don't exactly remember the point where I stopped feeling, but all I know is that it wasn't there. I was numbed.

I always look at my feet. The bass from the music in my ears and the rhythm of my feet hitting the ground distracts me from all the stares.

I've became so insecure since the incident. I feel, as though, everyone can see right through my clothes, no matter how many layers I had on.

I was too busy not paying attention that I run right into someone's chest. I fall back, preparing to hit the ground, but they catch me, while I was at least a foot off the hard surface.

"Hey." That voice.

 I look up and made contact with Calum Hood's dark brown eyes.

I feel my weight go dead in his arms as he smiles at me. My stomach starts to flip as he chuckles and adjusts his grip around me.

"H-hi," I manage to stutter without breaking eye contact. 

Maybe this was it. Maybe this was him about to tell me everything he wanted to tell me months ago.

I heard a few laughs come from behind him and someone call his name. All of a sudden, he drops me, making my whole back side hit the ground. 

I gasp and the hallway got silent. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks and I felt like I just wanted to run away and hide from all the eyes on me at that moment.

"It smells like skank." He practically spits down at me and walks away with his friends. He didn't even look back. I felt the tears prickling my eyes and the rest of the hallway practically walks over me to get to their next class.

How could he do that? After all the bullshit I've been through for him, how can he treat me so small?

I've never put the blame on him for anything that has happened. I never told anyone that it was him that was begging for the photo. I never told anyone that he was the reason. Why can't he just be fucking nice to me? 

I realize that no one is going to help me up so I get up myself and dust myself off. I put my hood on, my headphones in, and my hands in my pockets and speed walk to the front doors of the school and to my car. It was only the middle of the day but I couldn't be here anymore.

"Aye, Evelyn!" Someone calls me. I already knew who it was but I didn't want to turn around. Although we were passing through and empty parking lot, I knew,somehow, he was going to manage to embarrass me again. I just wanted to get away as fast as possible.

"Listen to me!" He calls again.

I spin around so fast, I almost lose my balance. "What?" I snap.

"Where you going?" He sighs and runs he fingers through his hair. He almost looks...anxious?

"Are you fucking serious?" I turn back around and get into my car as fast as I can. Everything is happening so fast, I need to get out of here.

I jump as Calum climbs into the passenger seat and puts his seat belt on. Is he actually crazy?

"Get out," I say through my teeth.

"No." He shifts his body towards me. "Where are you going?"

I cross my arms and stare out my windshield window. I don't want to even look at him. He isn't the same person I knew before the picture. I saw such a different side of him. "Why do you care?"

He sighs and looks down at his hands in his lap. "I'm not gonna lie, I feel so fucking bad."

"For what? I'm good." I clear my throat to choke down the tears that I knew were to come.

"Evenlyn..." His voice softens, which makes my stomach flutter again. That's the first thing I've felt in a long while. It made me think back to there being hope...

"You called me a skank." My tone almost went completely monotone. I don't know why it bugged me, considering I should've expected it from him, but it did.

"I know." He began to fiddle his fingers on his lap. We sat in silence for a moment until he spoke again. "Look, I know this looks really bad, but my friends...they talk about you a lot. They talk about the picture and how nice it would be to-" He stops mid-sentence and chews on his lip nervously. "They can't see me with you."

"Then why the fuck are you in my car?" I snap.

He just silently gets out my car without another word. I pull out of the parking lot quickly . In my rear view mirror, I catch a glimpse of him Calum standing in the middle of the road, watching me drive away.