Why do chemists like nitrates?
They are cheaper than day rates, that's why!
The Science Joke Book is an almanac of nerdy jokes to lighten and entertain yourself. Science is treated as a serious business, but it also provides scope for humour like no...
1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. One fifth of 1 decalogue = 1 dialogue = 2 monologues
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knot-furlong
6. 10 millipedes = 1 centipede
7. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
8. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
9. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
10. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone
11. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
12. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
13. 52 cards = 1 decacards
14. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
15. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
16. 10 rations = 1 decoration
17. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
18. One thousandth of an ion = 1 million
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Part 2: Metric Massacre
1. Physics teacher: "James, what do you call the standard measurement of power?"
James: "What?"
Teacher: "Oh, I guess you were paying attention."
2. Q) What's the tastiest unit of measurement?
A: Milimeter (mm!)
3. Q) What if someone told you that the Richter scale is no longer the standard measurement for earthquakes?
It will probably shake you up a little bit.
4. Back in ancient Egypt, the standardized units of measurements were based off the length of the current pharaoh's body parts. The pointer finger would be one unit of measurement, the forearm another, and so on.
It could be noted, the pharaoh was the ruler.
5. Q) How did citizens of Ancient Greece measure land for crops?
A: By Demeter.
6. Q) How do you measure a cat's running speed?
A: In miles purr hour
7. Q) Why do you measure a snake in inches?
A: Because they don't have any feet!
8. In one of my statistics classes, we were given a task to measure and analyze the fumes coming from tailpipes of various cars and to track their environmental impact.
It was exhausting.
9. Never trust math teachers who use graph paper. They're always plotting something.
10. Q) What would happen if the U.S switched to metric overnight?
A:There would be mass confusion.
11. Q) How rich is Avogadro?
A: He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
12. Q) What did Area say to Perimeter while they were arguing?
A: I'm trying to talk to you, but I feel like you are just going around my problem.
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Star Wars bonus jokes:
12. Newton: May the Force be..... equal to mass times acceleration!
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13. Q) What is the First Order's standard unit of measurement for length?
A: Kylometer.
14. Q) Why is a Stormtrooper's height of 5'11" measured in feet and inches?
A: They use Imperial measurements.
15. Q) How do we know that Darth Vader is American?
A: Because he marches to the Imperial March and not the Metric March.
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