Why do chemists like nitrates?
They are cheaper than day rates, that's why!
The Science Joke Book is an almanac of nerdy jokes to lighten and entertain yourself. Science is treated as a serious business, but it also provides scope for humour like no...
Isaac Asimov said that if you want to find a chemist, ask him/her to discuss the following words:
mole, unionized
As he so eloquently put it,
"If he starts talking about furry animals and organized labor, keep walking."
Here we go – today's joke.
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Mark Eury, a student at Eagle Rock Junior High, won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair for alerting people to the dangers of a potent chemical, dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) and for good reason, since DHMO:
* is also known as hydric acid, and is the major component of acid rain.
* contributes to "greenhouse effect."
* may cause severe burns in gaseous state.
* contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
* accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
* may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
* has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients.
Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating, urination, possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent and addicted to it, DHMO withdrawal means certain death.
Not only does DHMO get into the atmosphere, it has probably killed more people by inhalation than carbon monoxide, nerve gases and other causes of accidental poison combined!
What they don't tell you is that it's the most addictive drug on the market as well. Statistics show that almost 100% of all crimes are committed within a few hours of DHMO ingestion.
THE HORROR MUST BE STOPPED!
DHMO has been found in almost every stream, lake, and reservoir today. The pollution is global, and the contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice.
Despite the danger, DHMO is often used as an industrial solvent and coolant, in nuclear power plants, as a fire retardant, in the distribution of pesticides, etc.
The government has refused to ban the production, distribution, or use of this damaging chemical due to its "importance to the economic health of the nation."
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BUT IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO BAN IT!
Mark included the following poem:
"There's a chemical that poses deadly danger to us all
If we don't eliminate it, we are headed for a fall
But our governments refuse to see the writing on the wall
They're going to let us die!"
"In gaseous form it's subtle, without color, taste, or smell
But it's part of acid rain, and it's a greenhouse gas as well
It's also found in car exhaust, which makes our cities Hell
And dirties up the sky!
It's widely used by industry, and agriculture too
They dump it on the ground or in a river when they're through
And from the ecosystem it gets into me and you
Which they dare not deny!"
"How far DHMO has spread no one can safely tell.
They've found it on Europa, and it's on our Moon as well.
It may well turn our Solar System to a living hell!
It's filling up the sky!"
Afterwards, the Science Fair project urged 50 students to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."
43 said yes, supporting the ban, and 6 were undecided. Only 1 student knew better to figure it out.
Newspapers, magazines, radio and TV stations, universities, even members of Idaho's Congressional delegation have been calling Ian in recent weeks to talk about the project that won the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, the Post Register reported.
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Conclusion:
15-year-old Mark Eury (read as Mercury) made people aware of how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science, spreading fear of everything in our environment.
It was a prank to show how easily people can be misled, if scientific literacy is not promoted.
"If you haven't already figured it out, DHMO is a compound in which oxygen is sp3 hybridised, 2 H atoms bonded to the central O, with a bond angle of 104.5 °. "
But what exactly is DHMO?
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"In simple English, DHMO is just H2O, or plainly, water," Mark continued, leaving everyone white-faced and shell-shocked.
"You see what happens when you flaunt exaggerated jargon in front on a scientifically illiterate audience? Some of my friends could have done this. Nothing extraordinary, it was just a simple science project," Mark concluded.
