Numb | TAYNEW Fanfiction

talking

Newwiee's POV:

I woke up and heard him sniffing. His eyes were all puffed up and he looked terrible. I felt my insides churn as I looked at him sadly. What have I done?

"I'm sorry, Te." I whispered as I patted his back. He began to cry even harder and I felt my heart rip. I seemed to have had my emotions back, however I still couldnt cry. I felt myself drown in a pool of misery yet my face felt foreign. Tay was weeping uncontrollably. I felt bad. I didnt mean to make him cry. I didnt like seeing him cry either. My throat burned. My face felt hot.

He hugged me tightly as he apologised again and again with his voice barely audible. After a while, he seemed to calm down in my embrace and fell asleep. I sighed. This was my fault. I should have tried harder to move yesterday. I was an actor, yet I couldnt act when it mattered. Maybe I had been drained from acting too much. I scratched my head as I wondered if I should carry him over to the bed.

I hesitated. He looked really tired. After all, he had been crying the whole night after a day of work. I didnt want to wake him up after he had finally fallen asleep. But I didnt want him to sleep on the cold hard floor either. He would surely catch a cold or have a body ache later on. I grunted as I lifted him up with both hands. During moments like this, I was happy that I was strong.

I slowly moved over to the room and placed him onto the bed. He shivered. The bed was cold. I wanted to get up to cover him with the blanket but his arms firmly locked me in place. I sighed and wrapped my arms around him, hoping that I could at least warm him up a little. He snuggled into my embrace. Cute. I thought with a smile.

I stared at him, admiring his face. He had beautiful lashes, a sharp jawline and his lips... his lips were beautiful. His tanned skin was beautiful. His adams apple was beautiful. Even after a night of crying nonstop, all of him looked beautiful. He frowned a little as light from the window shone onto his face. I covered his eyes with my hands and felt his eyebrows relax.

The sun had risen high up into the sky by the time he awoke. He was shy at first, pulling away and smiling happily. His ears turned red and I found it adorable. However, he turned over and remained in that position for quite a while.

"Te?" I asked.

"...are you okay?" He asked. He sounded hurt.

I got up and walked over, bending down on one knee and holding his hands in mine. I stared into his eyes as I whispered, "I'm fine now. Thank you."

His eyes were red and puffed. His tears came back as he spluttered, "Why didn't you tell me?"

I looked at his pained expression. "...I dont know." I said, letting go of his hands. I turned around and sat on the floor, leaning my back onto the mattress.

There was silence in the air as both of us remained quiet, until he whispered, "how long has this been going on for?"

"I have always been like this. So you don't need to worry." I answered coldly. I didn't want him to worry. I didnt want him to pity me. I just wanted to end this conversation and go back to the happy us during the day.

He reached over and hugged me. His voice was soft and shaking. "..tell me?"
We sat in silence after that. He waited patiently and didn't rush me. It made me feel a little more comforted.

"...where to begin?" I asked. He exhaled softly.

"From the start. All of it. I want to know." He stroked my hair gently. It felt nice.

*RINGGGGG*

His phone suddenly rang. "Ignore it." He muttered. However, his phone ceased to stop ringing. The shrill ringtone reverbrated throughout the whole house and he clicked his tongue. He got up and went to switch off his phone.

"Where are you going?" He asked nervously as I stood up as well.

"Water." I pointed at the flask behind him. His throat was parched and I knew it. I couldn't bear to hear his voice crack at every word. I poured him a glass of water and he gulped it down thirstily. He mustve been dehydrated.

After that, we sat down on the bed. He held my hands as I began to tell him my story. I told him how since young, I would sit and wait for my parents. And when I moved away, I would sit and wait for tomorrow instead. I told him everything. How I stopped sitting there as we became best friends and how I started to sit there again ever since we "fought". About how I was a monster who couldn't feel emotions when I was at home. About the monster in me that periodically surfaced during the day. About how I couldn't love him as I truly didn't know what love was. As I couldn't even feel sometimes. I told him how exhausted I was, my messed up sleep schedules, my loss of appetite, my struggle to act like someone else, someone better, someone unlike myself. I told him how hurt about the arguement with my parents and how depressed I felt, how wretched I felt, how lost and alone I felt. How betrayed I felt when he left me. He wept silently as he hugged me, apologising non-stop in between sniffles.

I didn't like to talk about my emotions. I didn't like showing them either. It felt like I was breaking the image of the ideal son my parents wanted. It felt as if I was a bother to other people. And more so than that, it hurt way worse to see the expression of annoyance and disdain after baring my feelings. However, Tay didn't find me a nuisance. He didn't cut me off and just listened to it all and hugged me while crying and apologising. He made me feel.. a different kind of hurt. It was comforting.. but it also hurt. Seeing him cry made me.. miserable and it hurt.

My heart hurt. My throat burned. My head pounded. It wasn't his fault. I was just... broken. I was a monster. I didn't want him to apologise. I didnt want him to be sad. All I could do was sit there and watch him cry. Cry because of me.