living on the edge

chapter 28: i love you

i opened the door slowly and walked down the stairs seeing nash in the kitchen, his head in his hands as he leaned over on the granite island.

i took in a deep, shaky breath as i stood there looking at him. "is there anything else you have to tell me?"

nash's head popped up instantly at my voice, "there is one more thing, but it wont make anything better.." he mumbled quietly.

"go ahead and tell me, its better to get it out now than later when things have died down." i said walking into the kitchen and sitting on one of the bar stools.

"im gonna sound incredibly stupid considering im only sixteen and, but... lexee, i have feelings for you."

i looked up, straight into his light blue eyes. my mouth opened to speak but he began to talk again.

"its not like a little crush either, i cant get you out of my head," he began to pace back and forth, "the way you take your job so seriously, how you're passionate about the things you do. your voice, whenever it rings through my ears my heart starts racing. your touch gives me goosebumps, your laugh is so heavenly..."

he began to ramble on about the things he liked about me, but i could tell he didn't even realize he was still talking, he just couldnt stop listing things.

"i know you hate me now and that you dont want to trust me anymore, you cant trust me anymore. and you and cam are together-"

"honestly i dont know how long 'cexee' will last." i let out a small giggle at how cam and i's ship name sounds like 'sexy'.

"why?" nash stopped pacing and looked me dead in the eye.

i shrugged, "he seems more interested in madison beer."

"she's fifteen. it cant happen between them.", "but lexee, i-i think im love with you."

my jaw dropped the slightest bit, nash was the first person to ever say they were in love with me.

"i know i sound incredibly stupid. i sound like a child who doesn't even know what love is. but the truth is, i didnt even know what love was until i met you." nash said, walking slowly over to the couch.

my heart skipped a beat and i felt a tear stroll down my cheek once again.

he put his head in his hands again, his shoulders on his knees as his body bent over while sitting on the couch.

i watched intensively as he ran his fingers through his blonde highlights.

"nash i -"

"i know, think im a good kid but dont feel a thing for me." he said looking down at his feet.

"i was going to say, i dont think of you as a kid, nash. you're only a year younger than me." i stood in front of him.

"but um, can we let things cool down first? you know, all the drama, before i let everything sink in?"

he nodded and i spoke up again, "but is it offical you four are leaving magcon?"

"not yet, but we are thinking it over a lot. if we leave magcon, it'll most likely end and all the rest of the guys will leave too. we're a family, we'll stick together no matter what happens." nash answered.

nash and i left the cabin a few minutes later, the car ride being entirely awkward, but it was bearable.

"thanks for dropping me off. magcon is in two days though...will you be there?" nash asked once i pulled up to his and cam's apartment.

"i dont know, nash." i told him the truth and he nodded, "well, i'll see you soon at least?"

"yeah.." my voice trailed off before he opened the car door. i watched him walk up the sidewalk and get to his front door.

he left me alone with a question i'd be asking myself all night, am i in love with him too?